#how does being dependant and toxic feel

[livelaughlovesubs]

I read this from yours https://www.tumblr.com/livelaughlovesubs/743492538930954240/pitiful-thing?source=share

And i couldn't help reading it due to your amazing writing even if im not really into sadism-, anyway can we have more raphael?a part 2 but can you make it fluffy/sweet if its okay? Thank you!

Hey hey! Thank you for reading it :D and like always, I’m sorry it took so long… anyway, here it is :>

How pitiful

Part one!

Raphael x reader

Word count: 5.9k

This includes: triggering content, angst (aftermath from the first part), mental breakdown? Very toxic, at the end there’s fluff (happy end?), reader is still the same (very selfish)

Okay so, I wanted to make this like fluffy and sweet, and I didn’t manage to do that. I’M SORRY. Cuz I had too many ideas and so the fluff part would only be at the end. Sometimes there are small pieces of it throughout the story, but yea. I didn’t want to stop in the middle of it and make a third part cuz then you wouldn’t get the fluff you wanted, so I’m sorry that you had to wait this long, even then it’s more angst than fluff I’m sorry.

After a while, the corrosive smell started to bother you. Your hands were dyed completely red now. They were sticky and had feathers stuck to them, the blood of the male dried too. For a moment, it felt like you had a hangover. The things you did in the last few hours and the emotions you felt were slowly fading away, leaving nothing but desire behind. All you remembered was a vivid dream akin experience, one where you got to finally feel alive after falling down this deep abyss. The sudden change in environment seems to have influenced you more than you imagined. How you yearned for the screams and cries of him. It has only been a few minutes, yet that feeling, the rush of adrenaline started to disappear like a childhood memory. You didn’t want to forget it, you wanted to keep it sealed within you forever.

Time was passing by like usual, yet for some reason you didn’t seem responsive, as if you weren’t really there. As if you were floating in space, every nerve in your body turned off and your senses dulled. You couldn’t really acknowledge your surroundings, simply at the wall, contemplating and thinking about whatever you did remember. Everything that happened was being replayed in your head like a show, sadly the graphic setting was low and everything was a blur. Except for those crimson eyes of him.

The different expressions his eyes bore were mesmerising, enough to leave its imprint on you. How the once fierce look he owned turned into one of uncertainties, of doubt and fear. Your room looked like the aftermath of a battle. Luckily for you it was at a hotel, so you wouldn’t need to clean it. This wasn’t earth, it wouldn’t matter if the owner sees all of this, the evident of your action, the proof of your true desires. You felt empty again, like the fulfilment you felt before was ran out. The hand on the back of his head moved to his cheeks, moving his face backwards. He has been resting his chin in the crook of your neck the entire time without making a single sound, slowly it got suspicious.

Raphael was breathing very weakly and shallow, apparently he also got a nosebleed. “Hey, wake up.” You muttered, rubbing his cheeks gently. His pale face had blood stains, but his eyes were still closed. Right now he looked very vulnerable, so helpless as if he was someone that needed protection. At the same time he also appeared like an innocent child in your eyes, one that’s been depraved of love. How pitiful he is, being cast aside by his creator and now stuck in the claws of a monster. Since you wore him out a lot, you let him sleep. It didn’t matter if you knew nothing about the anatomy of an angel, if one is exhausted they need to take a break. You laid him down onto the humid mattress before you got up to go to the bathroom.

Now that you cleaned yourself up and got a towel, you started to clean the still asleep male too, wiping the excessive body fluids of him away. It was a little disturbing considering you were the cause of all of this, but you could manage. When you saw the two holes on his belly, where his piercings have been, you gaged a little. The scene turned out to be a bit more grotesque than you remembered. Speaking of memories, it was strange how you couldn’t recall what happened very clearly. After all, it was just happened, as if you weren’t thinking clearly when you did all that. You didn’t regret it though, because if there’s one thing you remembered, then it’s that you loved every second of it. Every action to the words you spoke, you knew you enjoyed yourself a lot. Enough to make you want to go for a second round.

Eventually you finished wiping him, sitting down next to Raphael again. Still so quiet, this wasn’t normal. Your first thought was that he fell asleep, though upon further inspection his face was starting to get pale. Soon you realised that he passed out and sighed, “…not good.” It looked like he lost his consciousness, probably due to the excessive amount of blood he lost. One glance was all you needed to know your hypothesis was right. In the end, you did rip his wings off, not to mention how the bed was now akin to the red carpet. A stressed out groan left you, why were thing always so difficult. Aftercare is great and all, but what should you do if he needs immediate treatment? It’s not like you can carry him all the way to paradise lost. Will today be the day you kill someone for the first time?

Suddenly the door to your hotel room crashed down, and a group of devils barged in. These devils, they really know no manners. Though you were also glad to some degree, because you saw Satan, sitri, and Marbas. “Y/n!” The devil with the white hair ran towards you, but he stopped after taking three steps. Sitri, who was pushing Marbas, followed his king and stopped right next to him. “Solomon, what happened?” That devil asked, his voice was filled with confusion. They must be shocked to see the state the room is in, not to mention Raphael. “I’ll tell you later. Marbas, can you help this guy here? He’s lost a lot of blood.” You looked calm, terrifyingly so, no panic could be spotted in your voice nor did you have a fast heartbeat. “I’ll see what I can do.” Marbas answered after a bit and got out of his binds. When he got close enough to recognise who that was, he hesitated. He still started treating him afterwards, despite the identity of the patient.

“Satan, why are you here?” In all honesty, you didn’t care, and you had a vague idea how they knew your location, but you didn’t want to answer their questions. You weren’t in the mood to right now. “When you disappeared so suddenly, everyone got worried. Then sitri found you.” Nothing you couldn’t guess yourself. “And? Why’s Marbas here?” This time, the devil with the blue hair spoke up, “I heard two heartbeats, and I recognised that the other one was an angel. That’s why.” So they thought you got beaten up or injured, huh, if that’s the case they are pretty late for a rescue operation. “What about you tell us your side of the story now?” It seems like you won’t be able to get out of this one. You noticed that he gritted his teeth again, one look was enough to tell he wasn’t happy. “Well, you see…” “y/n, your majesty Satan and sitri. I’m done, I stopped the bleeding and treated his injuries. Though this won’t be enough, we’ll need to bring him to paradise lost.” In the nick of time Marbas reported his observations and actions, in contrary to what you predicted, you were able to dodge the questions again.

“Why do we need to go all the way there, won’t the hospital in Gehenna suffice?” Satan scoffed, he was getting more furious by the second. First your disappearance, now all the hassle for an enemy. “Because… I believe only his majesty lucifer and gamigin knows how to properly treat him.” Just as Satan was about to inquire about the former seraphim’s injuries, you barged in, “All right, we don’t have much time, no? Shouldn’t we be on the way?” Everything was taking too long, so you interrupted their little small talk and rushed them. In addition, you also walked over to the bed, picking up the white jacket that belonged to his outfit and wrapped him in it. Sitri seems to have finally caught on and helped you carrying him. This was going to be a long night. It was so much hassle just to keep someone alive, maybe you should let him die instead? Was it because of your hardened personality that you weren’t sorry for him, that you didn’t feel any remorse?

It’s been three weeks since Raphael got taken in at the hospital of paradise lost. Your life hasn’t changed much, in fact it reversed back to how it was before your second meeting with him. Today, while you were visiting him, the sleeping beauty finally opened his eyes. It did caught you off guard, so you started to call for the doctor. “You’re [��]. Ah, lucifer, where’s [——]?” His view was blurry, it was like watching black paint spread on a clean paper. Furthermore his head was hurting a lot, as if he had been on a carousel for too long. It was to the point he couldn’t even register your voice properly. “…where…?” The man uttered, it was more like a groan of pain than words. He tried to cover his eyes with his hand due to how bright it was, that’s when he noticed an IV stuck to his arm. “You [—] hospital, if you [——] noticed.” It was still difficult to understand you, but it got better the more he tried. “…is that you, y/n?” Raphael asked and his hand reached out to you, his body acted before he could think about it. You held his hand and intertwined your fingers, then you squeezed his hand. “Yes.” He flinched at that, a little surprised at this sudden gentleness coming from you. This wasn’t how you were like last time, but he didn’t hate it.

A few minutes later lucifer also came into the room, the patient froze upon seeing his former colleague, he also hold your hand more firmly. You didn’t need two brain cells to know they had something to say to each other, so you got up to leave the room. When you stopped holding his hand, he tensed up again, in the end he eventually let go. Were you overthinking it or was he acting differently than before? Nonetheless, you went out to get some food for him. With a bit of discussing and arguing, you got Satan to give you permission to keep him. He did almost die because of you, with that being said you also thought he’d be more wary of you. In the end, you were proven wrong. For the time being you were going to be nice to him, so that he will want to stay, it’d be no good if he runs away. It’s been three weeks now, three weeks of pure boredom. After all that torturous wait, you finally felt an ounce of excitement.

When you got back to his resting place with a bag of to go food, you met lucifer who was just coming out of the room. They must have had a very long talk, was what you thought. You weren’t really curious about what they talked about though, which is why you asked him instead, “can he get out today? He looks healthy enough.” To your surprise the male disagreed, explaining, “he lost his wings, he’ll need physiotherapy.” The confusion was written all over your face like the front cover of a magazine, you said with an irritated tone, “you mean he can’t walk?” “Not good at best.” You should trust the words of a doctor, especially him who has more experience than you, yet you still couldn’t wrap your head around it. “But, it’s his wings he lost. He always walked without showing them.” Lucifer was kingly enough to explain it to you, how much patience he must have, “not showing them and not having them are two different things. He’s been used to having wings it for as long as he lived, this sudden change will cause his body to lose balance, because…” he has too much patience for sure, normally you though he was a quiet guy, though it looks like he can talk a lot if it’s his field. Great, now you had to listen to him lecture you about angel anatomy.

A while later buer called for lucifer, he had something to take care of and left you alone. You on the other hand was standing in front of the patient room now, still holding the now cold bag. So he has to stay here for a month, and then continuously visit it to get better. Is this was you want? Slowly your thoughts were getting too complicated, which is why you stepped inside. “You are back.” You saw raphael turn his head towards you. How pitiful he looked, all bedridden like this. “Yea, are you hungry?” That was a very unnecessary question, really, you didn’t know why you just wasted your breath with that one. Nevertheless you got closer and sat down on the chair next to him, then opened the bag and let him look inside. Maybe you should have used the microwave first, if there was one that is. “It’s all for you.” You added, in case he misunderstands anything. His hand reached out to your direction, though instead of the food he grabbed your hand. “…” “…?” This was bizarre to say the least, he didn’t make any sense. Both of you stayed silent, a few minutes felt like days. Why did he do that? You wondered, but before you could ask he let go of your hand again and reached inside the bag. “Thanks.” The male whispered, then bit into his food.

It was awkward, none of you dared to say something about the new promises between you two. The situation already escalated to the point where you couldn’t go back, guess you had to keep your word then. At some point, after he finished his meal, he just stared at his hands clenching the blankets. It looked like he was deep in thoughts, maybe even regretting ever meeting you. Was what happened only a mistake done in the heat of the moment? Were you going to tell him, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to’ and then leave? After taking everything from him? That’s what he was contemplating. He can’t return to heaven without his wings, not that he exactly wants to go back, but if hell doesn’t have a place for him where can he go to? Your expression was neutral, too calm even, he couldn’t read you.

It was frustrating, you didn’t get any backlash from it, yet his life had turned upside down. Out of nowhere he reached out to you again and grabbed you by your collar, “You have to take responsibility, you can’t leave me now.” The male threatened you, getting really close to your face. Despite his deep voice, you saw the fear in his eyes, like a stormy night filled with thunder. He moved up too fast, as well as using too much strength, causing him to lose balance and fall over, crashing into your arms with his upper body. This wasn’t anything too dangerous, since you managed to catch him and prevent the fall of you two. It still hurt a little, because his fingers were gripping your shoulders really tight.

“Be careful now.” You said, pulling him in to hug him tightly, watching him tremble a little. This is weird, it wasn’t a natural reaction, so you questioned, “What’s wrong?” “I can’t…” “What?” He was acting strange, this was starting to make you feel uneasy too. Suddenly you hugged you back, holding onto you while saying, “You can’t leave me, don’t leave, never again. You made me like this, you have to take responsibility. Please, please, don’t abandon me too.” His eyes were unfocused, hieratic and wild, he panted while uttering those words like a prayer. The aspect that confused you the most was his expression, an unsettling, forced smile as he clung to you, repeating those phrases like a madman, “don’t leave, I can’t afford it now, don’t leave me.”

You stroked his hair and tried to reassure him, his voice was shaking the entire time. Has he finally gone crazy now? “as long as you behave good, I won’t leave. I’d never leave. I’m right here, Raphael, I’m right here.” It doesn’t matter if he is delusional or not, it’s easier this way. What a twisted path fate has planned out for him, it seems like no matter which turn he takes, he’ll always end up miserable. Even so he just adores when you hold him, when you make his life worth living by planting the seed of love within him. Just a few words that doesn’t even need to be true are enough to wrap him around your finger. You were no good for him, this much was clear from the beginning. Like the deadliest drug, giving him the illusion of temporal happiness, all while slowly rotting him from the inside. He can’t get out of this, he doesn’t want to get out, as long as you are alive he’ll keep using this drug, begging you for more. You can’t leave now, and he’ll make sure it stays like this forever.

Soon your visiting time was over, it was the break of dawn and you had to go home. You wanted to leave and already got up from your seat, he then asked, “where are you going?” “I’m going home, you have to stay here for a while.” Something was amiss again, the atmosphere got heavier. His eyes widened and you saw him getting uncomfortable, the change was so drastically like a light switch. “Take me with you,” Raphael demanded. “What?” This surprised you now. “I want to go with you.” He repeated his words once again, after hearing it for the second time you were still bewildered.

You’d like to say you saw determination in his eyes, but you only saw suspicion and anxiety. “If you want to, but lucifer said…” You abruptly stopped mid sentence, before adding, “you know what, let’s just leave together.” Then you gave him a hand. He tried to stand up, one step after another and hold your hand firmly. Out of nowhere he fell forwards, crashing into you again. Just like last time you managed to grab him and prevent the fall. “Ugh.” The boy yelped a little, and with your help, he managed to get back on his feet. Why was his balance so off, you thought, before you remembered the words of lucifer. To think losing his wing would have such an impact on him, you didn’t imagine it’d be this bad.

But standing alone wasn’t enough. You took a few steps back, and waited for him to follow you. When he did, he instantly fell over again. This time you weren’t there to catch him, and he crashed onto the floor. “Ah..” it wasn’t really painful, considering what he went through, but it scared him. He couldn’t walk like before anymore and flying was definitely out of the question. Even if he knew it will get better, this shock still had a physiological effect on him. Was this truly his fate, the path his lord has chosen for him? Will he find the affection he never got once he reached the end of this? He stared back to his legs, cursing his pathetic state under his breath, why was everything so hard?

You on the other hand was mesmerised, those vulnerable and desperate actions of his were making forgotten emotions float up to the surface again. These were the feelings you missed for three weeks, life’s been so boring without him like the main component was missing. The way he looked so crude was making your heart pound. You wanted him, so bad it hurt. When he looked up to you, he met your gaze, the face you made was indescribable. Was it joy, want, or anger? It made him anxious. An unfamiliar place without anyone he can trust. He killed may devils, who knows when one of them would attack him? His helplessness was causing him to depend on you more and more. “Get up, here.” Once again you reached your hand out to him, and pulled him up. With you here to help him keep balance, he was able to move more precisely.

The two of you didn’t do anything dramatic, simply walking out of the hospital hand in hand. Even if you walked pass other devils, they didn’t dare to say anything. You were the descendant of Solomon, and he was the infamous red angel. Was. Sometimes he would trip a little and lean forward, but you always managed to keep him on his feet. It felt like escorting someone who was drunk. Soon you two got out of the hospital and you called for a taxi, then you opened the door and pushed him inside. Raphael held your hand the entire time, unwilling to let go even for a moment. And with that, you two were making your way back to Gehenna.

Now you’ve done it, you really broke out of the hospital. It was way less dramatic than you thought, even so it left a bad taste in your mouth. You could still turn back and act like all of this never happened, should you? Then you looked over to the man sitting next to you in the car, he was looking out of the window, observing hell. “How do you feel, Raphael? You only woke up today after all.” He flinched at your words, then turned around. “I’m fine, I don’t need to go back.” Silence, a pretty awkward one at that. You still haven’t figured out how you should treat him, just the thought that he didn’t feel any resentment towards you was weird. On one hand you wanted to talk about it, on the other hand you didn’t know if it was the right time to do so. Suddenly Raphael spoke up again, “can I hold your hand?” He’s been like that all day, wanting to do such an innocent act with you, as if you didn’t turn his life upside down. It wouldn’t hurt to agree, so you held your hand out. The male was still looking out the window, in addition to that he was also holding your hand now. The rest of the ride went by like this, quietly and peacefully.

Once you two arrived in Gehenna, you helped him get out of the car. He stumbled a little but he was able to walk, though sometimes he would lose his footing and stray off. With heavy steps you two managed to get to your room. The devils who saw you two didn’t stop you, in such instances it was better to stay curious than knowing somehting they shouldn’t. You two had to go up the stairs to reach your destination, that was fun. Really fun. After he arrived in your room, you immediately made him sit down on your bed. He panted a little, already tired, probably because he didn’t move for the past few weeks. Satan did allow him to stay here, but you weren’t sure if he had an own room yet, so you suggested, “You can stay here for the time being, until I get you a separate room.” “…can it be the one next to yours then?” He asked, it was more like a condition though. “I’ll see what I can do.” “Then i don’t mind staying here.” That wasn’t something he gets to decide. You didn’t know what to think about sharing your privacy like this, since you didn’t have an answer yet, you changed the topic.

“Raphael, how do you feel?” “I answered you already, I’m fine,” he sounded mildly annoyed. “Yea, alright. Then what you are thinking?” “What I am thinking? Let’s see.” Raphael stretched himself on your bed, while you stood in front of him. “I can still remember the pain very well. Don get me wrong, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I don’t need it.” The male started explaining, his expression was serious and nonchalant. Then he trailed off, “huh, my chest feels tight whenever you aren’t here, if I can’t make sure you are with me my air gets snapped off. Like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest by force.” You weren’t sure what to do with these information, based on what you understood it seems like he has a few screws loose. “And?” “And it aches, it hurts. I can’t stand the idea of being separated from you.” He fumbled with his sleeves, but he wasn’t uncomfortable with sharing his thoughts.

Suddenly, out of nowhere he raised his voice, those red eyes of his showed an insatiable hunger in them, a need that can’t be satisfied. He grabbed your leg and pleaded, “don’t hurt me, you can hurt my body but don’t hurt me. Don’t leave me on my own, okay?” It’d be an understatement to say you were caught off guard by his sudden touch. Instead of replying him, you tried to take a few steps backwards, but he held onto you tightly. “Please.” His voice echoed through the room, it kind of freaked you out. In the end you got closer to him, now only inches away from the boy. This seems to satisfy him to some amount and he continued, “my neck, hah…it feels like a hand is choking me. It’s snapping my air off. Choke me please, take this feeling away.” “What are you talking about?” You couldn’t keep your bewilderedness hidden anymore, trying hard to understand the current situation.

“You are the only thing I have left. It’s only fair if I’m the only one in yours too. I’ll be good, I’ll be obedient, please tell me you need me like how I need you.” His hands grabbed your hips, fingers digging into your waist. “Ugh! Wait a second…” “I gave you what you wanted, because of you I ended up like this, don’t you see how good I’ve been to you?” This was getting uncomfortable, you weren’t exacltly scared for your life, rather you were concerned about the situation. Was this the consequences of your actions? “Raphael, calm the fuck down!” You grabbed his arms, trying to yank them away. It was starting to hurt, his nails were scratching you. Even admits all of this you noticed the flickering of his eyes, how his hands trembled and how he was shaking.

“Don’t you love me? Don’t you adore me? Isn’t that why you did all of this? Please tell me it’s true, don’t tell me otherwise. I don’t care if you have to lie. I didn’t do all of that for you to abandon me. Aren’t I the only one who would go this far for you? Tell me, tell me…! Please. I can’t, I can’t breathe. Y/n. Tell me you love me, please, give me everything you have. This agonising pain is too much to bear. Numb those feelings down until i am a shell of what I used to be. You can take anything from me, even if it’s my eyes. It hurts, it pains, help me, please, I’m begging. I think I’m going mad, y/n, have I made the wrong choice? All of this ache is driving me insane, you are my only escape now. Take it all away, make it go away. Is there no end to my suffering?”

His emotions just exploded, everything was all over the place. He also started crying at the same time as well as shaking you back and forth. Anger, doubt and fear filled him up to the rim. There was only so much he could take, and today was his snapping point. Your hand moved first, slapping him across the face, soon it turned red. His little breakdown was going too far and you weren’t nice enough to deal with it. “Fuck I told you to calm down, what are you doing, spouting one nonsense after another?” It’s rare for you to get this angry. You’ve learned to have a lot of patience after coming to hell but this man was pushing you out of your comfort zone. “I’m not good enough. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I can do better.” For some reason you highly doubted it, I mean just listen to what bullshit he was spouting. “Keep your hand on me, hurt me all you want. I’ll keep you entertained, I can be perfection for you.” The stare he gave you was serious, his tears rolled down his cheek with no purpose. Once again he started yapping about some hallucinations and fantasies he had in his brain.

He felt awful. There was no other way to describe it. Everything hurt, there wasn’t anything worth living for but you. If you left now who knows what he’ll do. Being casted aside all this time made him more insecure than he expected. Like a small bunny that got separated from its mother, walking into the wolfs den without a single clue. All that’s left for him was to clench onto any trace of love he could get. With god gone now, he truly had nothing left to lose, he needed nothing but your affection. This wasn’t about you, this wasn’t about him neither. It was about his obsession with finally feeling loved by his creator. For once he wants to be important to someone, to be useful and seen.

This need of his has been building up for centuries, and now he finally gave in to it. God was it pathetic. The title angel should have never been given to the likes of him, he truly was the one mistake of god. Despite all that you couldn’t deny it, the way he panicked was a little cute. It made your stomach feel butterflies, or was it something? The knowledge that all of this was your work made you feel proud. What a wise decision it was to leave with him today, when he’s still the most unstable. Getting thrown into an unfamiliar environment, meeting all kinds of people that can kill you. Maybe you two were pretty similar after all.

You were planning on being nice to him, you really were, but not anymore after all this drama he caused. “Raphael what are you talking about? You don’t get to decide who I’m seeing!” The words that felt from your lips were like blades stabbing his chest, the filter you had was turned off now. “Be grateful, that someone like me is taking care of something so filthy like you! You know it yourself, you are miserable and vulgar, it’s so selfish of you to want to keep me to yourself.” If he was going to let himself run wild like that, he also had to expect some consequences. The face he pulled was priceless, truly youthful greatest joy now. Tears dropped down his cheeks, you were enjoying yourself again, just like three weeks ago. Yes, this was the feeling you desperately missed.

“Such a pathetic being like you is destined to end up like this. Giving yourself up for me, isn’t it only natural? God favours me and not you.” That was a statement you highly doubted, since you weren’t exactly happy about being down here. Nonetheless, you said it just to make your little dove more miserable. Then you cupped his red and warm face, it was completely drenched in his tears now. His eyes looked tired, he seems to be so done with everything, so you cooed at him, “how pitiful you look…If I own you, you will finally find a purpose in that worthless life of yours again. If you give me your everything, naturally I’ll give you something worthy of it too. You can have an ounce of my affection, isn’t it great? Such a high reward for something like you!”

This was inexplainable, whenever it came to him you were like a different person. Ruining him, breaking him, hurting him, all of this became your favourite hobby. You aren’t a sadist, you are only like this with him! You are a good person, you are saving everyone in hell! It seems even you has lost your mind now. How are you going to return to earth with this mindset? The two of you were a match made from the depths of hell, a place not even god dared to enter. A truly beautiful and twisted bridge full of thorns. Instead of fighting together you made him clear the way for you, only to push him into the deadly river afterwards. Why you’d go this far? Honestly you didn’t have a good reason, it was all done for the sake of your enjoyment. “You aren’t enough Raphael, you are never enough.” A soft smile appeared on your face as you chuckled. This was fulfilling, but that blackhole inside you ached for more. “I’m so sorry Raphael, that you were born, and that you have to keep living. I’m begging you, please be lonely forever. Do it for me?”

Raphael was sobbing quietly, yet his features didn’t tell he was sad, instead relief was written all over his face. He didn’t know why, but you were dazzling right now. When you touched him it felt like the hand of god, you were his replacement for his lord. “I know it hurts, it will only get worse from here on, but soon you’ll be craving the pain.” You whispered, wiping his tears away with tender movements. “Please endure all of this and live miserable with me for a long time.” Stay with you, forever, that was all he heard. He filtered the words out he didn’t want to hear, then he gave you a meek smile. How adorable, so damn cute you won’t ever let go of him. You caressed his cheeks from above, smiling back at him. No one could understand the relationship of you two, it was something truly unique and wonderful. Who would have thought that the bunny and the wolf ended up together?

“y/n, do you love me?” Raphael asked, it looks like he finally calmed down. How strange that such words were able to help him. Or it broke him more, who knows. You had to think about what to say, the feelings you experienced when you were with him, the ache you felt and how you wanted to do so many things to him. After a few moments, you eventually came to the conclusion this must be love. Love makes one crazy, if this isn’t love, then what is it? It would mean it was something much more sinister, and that didn’t have a nice sound to it. Maybe it was just a mutual reliance, each one takes something from the other they desperately need while hurting all the involved parties as they do. Even if that was the truth, you couldn’t care less. All you wanted to do was to hold him while he repeats the words, ‘I’m yours’. You kissed his forehead, then answered with a ‘yes’. He pulled you towards him and both of you fell onto the bed, it bounced a little due to your weights. Then, Raphael hugged you tightly as he whispered, “I’m glad. I love you too.”

[harmoonix]

S T A R G I R L

ʀᴀɴᴅᴏ�� ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴏʙꜱᴇʀᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

🧊 Those who are ruled by Jupiter or have Jupiter as a dominant planet have it easier in life since Jupiter grants luck, happiness, prosperity. This depends also if you have good aspects to Jupiter

🧊 if you are favored by Mars (Having Mars in a good sign like Aries, Scorpio, Capricorn) there is a chance to have less fights/arguments/drama in your life, depends on the aspects of your mars

🧊 Saturn ruled natives have dark aura, dark does not equal bad, is just darkness, their beauty relise in the dark, is always secretive and mysterious

🧊 Lilith aspecting the ascendant can be prone to attract toxic people, some people can also think that you can be 'toxic' or 'bad' with these placements

🧊 Mars can feel more lazy when is around an earth sign/house or degree, it moves more slowly than usual

🧊 Pluto/Moon or Neptune in the 9H can be attracted by occult, magic, withcraft, tarot, etc. These placements are also called 'bewitched' in this house

🧊 I find natives with Pluto or Saturn in the 11H to be very secretive around their friends and social circles, like nobody knows them truly

🧊 If Pluto is in the 10H and badly aspected can indicate 'power - hungry' doing anything to obtain what they want which is not good in most cases

🧊 Jupiter aspecting your ascendant can bless your appearance and looks, something about you is beautifully written in the stars

🧊 I know people who have lots of Virgo Placements that would like to work in fields where they can help others, like a therapist, a doctor, etc

🧊 If you have no aspects or empty North Node, it can indicate that your life is not that much impacted by things, like going flawlessly with your life

🧊 If you have Lilith aspecting the Sun, you can end up being blamed for things you never did, Lilith usually takes the bad part of the sun which represents the ego and turns it against others

🧊 I know by a fact that air and water placements can get influenced by the weather, it can influence their mood the most

🧊 Neptune/Chrion/Sun in the 12H/1H can make the native to be moody in a sense of getting into a depressed state easily than others

🧊 People with their Moons in Sagittarius or Pisces may like to sugarcoat others, in a way to be more 'indulgent' to others and to keep their hopes high both being ruled by Jupiter

🧊 I don't usually talk about synastry but looking at the Venus in a couple synastry chart can show how your partner gives/offers love to you

🧊 Venus in Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius can have the best luck in finding partners who will give them freedom in a relationship, since your Venus can show 'lovely' things your spouse can do for you

🧊 Saturn conjucting Lilith is one of the most painful placements to have in a chart. Everything that Saturn touches it becomes strict. It can strict yourself from your sexual energy

🧊 Lilith in your 4H can talk about breaking bad things from your family, like habits, addictions, trauma

🧊 I deeply wanna talk about Scorpio and Cancer Lilith because both of these have issues with their emotions, feeling safe/secure comforted, lacking love from parents or partners, both signs struggle in these areas and these are not easy signs to have Lilith in, especially if you have a traumatic history

🧊 Uranus and Moon in the 6H are planets which pay a lot of attention to their mental health, they always prioritize it

🧊 Libra Moon/Venus/Eros/Juno will feel dissatisfied in life if they don't have a sensual/romantic connection with their partners

🧊 a Scorpio moon/8h moon will value intimacy a lot in their relationships, beside being important, is also a healthy way to express themselves

🧊 Saturn in Virgo or in the 6h, or at 6° 18° may struggle with organization, finding an order in their lives, can be chaotic and the person may find peace in a chaotic environment with this placement

🧊 Saturn in the 12H/Pisces/ at 12° 24° makes a native to be confused, about their life, their career, job, family, relationship. Is like you live in a fog and you can't see the things you have around so these things can confuse you

🧊 Mars is a cruel planet, is not a sweet candy and will not stay to sugarcoat nobody in life, Mars will put action in your life

🧊 Sun harshly aspecting the Neptune can indicate 'hiding' yourself from the world, you can be anxious around others, not wanna be seen

🧊 Your 4H can talk about your home and the way you take care of it, having harsh aspects to your 4H ruler can indicate having a hard time to take care of your house

🧊 Scorpio Venus can be invested in their partners sexual life, your partner may not give the same energy back to you while you may crave it

🧊 Earth Signs in the 12H may deal with their subconscious more harshly, they can constantly judging themselves and being critical which is a pain for your subconscious. Give yourself a break from all the negative things

🧊 Jupiter and Venus aspects match so good if you're looking for a partner or a relationship, you can be blessed with a good marriage as well

🧊 I heard that a good time to look for a relationship is when you have your Jupiter Return or that most people find their love during one

🧊 Saturn in the 8H/Scoprio or at 8° 20° can struggle with their sexuality, in a way that they may feel shameful to be sexual or to be more opened about these topics

🧊 Capricorn Risings usually have better years with the time, you can actually observe that the next year can be better than the last one

🧊 Chiron in the 7H have the power to heal their partners and their relationships/marriage

🧊 Every time Mars has a transit in your 10H you may feel like people have something against you or that you may feel everyone around you is angry on something

🧊 The sad thing that comes with a Venus in the 6h/10h in a relationship may be that either you or your spouse may overwork and you will not have that much time to spend with each other, someone will always be more focused on work

🧊 'All night you gave me mad love' is an Aries Mars/Venus/Eros/Juno melody line, it fits with the Aries behavior

🧊 Pluto conjunct Lilith can make the native sexually powerful, your sexual energy is everything!

🧊 Aquarius Risings have an inner magic that not all the people can see, you need to be close to them in order to see their energy

🧊Aries/Scorpio/Mars/Pluto/Capricorn/Saturn in the 3H wont hold back from calling peolpe out, talking dirty, cussing, malefics are more in anger in the house of communication

🧊Earth Suns are so classic, so sophisticated, their fashion style is extremely beautiful, you should wear more gold to be in more earthy energy

🧊 I do not trust any uranus dominat/aquarius placements natives who are racist, sexist, homophobic, you know all these against the human right. (Usually i dont stand any people who are like this)... Like Uranus and Aquarius stand for being humanitarian and you are against it? JAIL and GOODBYE

🧊If you are Saturn dominant make sure to wear more black or dark colors because thats how saturn feels more appreciated by you, can bring you more benefits

Have a blessed day for everyone reading my astrology observations 💙💙💙

Harm💙💙nix

[astrobydalia]

🐍New year astro observations

first post of 2025, the year of the snake!

– astrobydalia

A thing I've noticed is that degrees can carry some energy from the dignities. For example if you have your Mercury in 21º degree in whatever sign, that mercury can express characteristics of debilitation since that's a sagittarius degree and mercury is debiltated in sagittarius

Aquarius placements, specially venus, appear picky when choosing their friends or people they truly like but honestly I've noticed that all they want is someone who has a personality. Like literally just be your own person and they’ll love seeing how you’re someone with many layers to you. It sounds simple but we live in a society where the instinct is to imitate others to fit in and Aquarius placements like it when you're (genuinely) true to yourself. Does not mean they will make you their bestie cause that depends on each individual but they at least appreciate the authenticity.

^^I remember this Aquarius Venus guy had a crush on me back in college and he once said to me "I like you because you're complicated"😭

Aquarius/11th house placements befriend people who share their political/philosophical/spiritual ideals. I’ve noticed that the people they ghost the most are the ones who don’t share their visions

Mercury rx natives are very good listeners actually. Even if they have the planet in domicile or exaltation, they are very patient when it comes to obsorbing info that's why I've seen this placement is common in "nerds" or book worms. They take their time understanding things and can come across as slow sometimes but they’re just very meticulous.

Capricorn Moons and their “facts don’t care about your feelings” attitude while simultaneously being the most sensitive and emotional person in the room

Something else I've seen with debilitated moons (scorpio/cap moon) is that they tend to have no patience or sympathy for people who seem to have it easy in life in some way. They only seem to respect people who know what it's like to struggle like they have

Virgo Mars natives are low-key misanthropic and/or introverts. They don’t like being around people for too long cause they very easily feel a lot of disdain for others' dumb and nonsense behaviors. It’s like they seem to be so easily exasperated by everything and everyone ​

Also, I’ve noticed Virgo Mars people are the type to stay low profile during conflicts or tense situations, mostly choose flight over fight response. They are surprisingly calm and collected and will find a solution or escape in no time. When they feel threatened and choose to fight tho… they get cold-blooded af

Taurus Venus natives are so POISED and elegant and I say that as a libra venus. You will never see them being messy, they behave with a lot of class always

Venus-Sun conjunction in synastry is actually not so good imo. In a natal chart this is considered a weak aspect for relationships because venus is combust. When we find it in synastry, this means Sun person combusts venus person. At best Venus person almost worships Sun person to their detriment. At worst Venus person feels like sun person is too much and tends to see the sun person as too obnoxious

I also think this is why Sun-Moon conjunction in synastry is overrated. Moon is too soft of a planet and sun feeds off of the moon’s affection while moon becomes attached and drained. I’ve very often seen with this aspect how sun person unknowingly offends or hurts moon person in some way

Also, strong venus synastry between women can manifest as toxic competition, "cat fight" energy

Venus opposite/square Moon is a very phony aspect tbh specially the square. They appear to be way nicer than they actually are

I've noticed men with Leo placements tend to be pretty sexist and openly defend traditional gender roles or patriarchy values. The instinct of Leo men is to be the 'king', the leader and Alpha just like actual lions. However if they also have strong feminine energy in their chart such as major water and earth energy they tend to show more benevolent sexism or chivalry behavior

Gemini placements will immediately like you if you are someone who is open to chill chats with them and you overall make them feel like they can freely rant to you about random stuff

Cancers are very infantilized but imo they are the least naive and most intelligent out of all the water signs. Cancer Moons in particular I've noticed can actually have a very accurate and impartial intuition. Cancer Moons have this ability to just understand and accept people's feelings, intentions and situations exactly for what they are without any judgement which makes them VERY intelligent people. Idk I’ve just seen cancer moons are actually the most level-headed out of all water moons

Leo Venus honestly give me huge pick-me vibes and low-key have the personality of a spoiled brat fr. I've seen ppl with this placement be a lil to obsessed with getting sexual attention and being the most desirable person in the room

honestly I've noticed that the people I genuenly get along with the best in the long run are people I have 1st house synastry with. There's something about 1st house synastry that feels SO uplifting and refreshing like there's this spark everytime you see or are with this person and you just naturally get eachother's vibe

That said, 7th house synastry is a bit overrated imo. Again, not saying it is bad but this is the house of open enemies as well as partnerships. 7th house represents parts of yourself you have a hard time accessing and that's why you attract people with this energy. Therefore 7th house synastry often creates love-hate dynamics, cause it's like yeah you like the person on a surface level but there's always some hidden 'BUT' bc they low-key embody the exact opposite of what you identify (1st house)

6th house synastry is very common in people that dislike each other, specially the house person disliking the planets person

Virgo placements are STARVED for validation like no other sign but they hide this well cause they don't wanna appear desperate. They tend to carry this teachers pet behavior to all sorts of aspects of their life hence the trope of virgo being obedient or goodie-two-shoes

I need to ask Capricorn Mars people: when do y’all sleep? Every single minute of these people’s lives is occupied with some activity, be that work or leisure. And funny thing is they never seem to be overwhelmed or tired at all, in fact the more they do the more energized they seem to be

Something else I’ve noticed with Capricorn Mars is that they tend to have a very bold and obnoxious personality. Even if they are more introverted, they tend to be a little too direct to the point where they can come across as rude, insensitive and power-hungry. But at the same time this makes them appear competent and confident and a lot of ppl like that about them

Scorpio Juno natives tend to be very opportunistic and greedy when it comes to business. Sometimes to the point of having questionable work ethic sometimes. Overall this is a major placement for indicating talent in business or finance and making a lot of money

Libra Venus natives have a wondering eye definitely. What makes them start to consider someone as a potential partner is looks first and foremost, the rest comes later lol

I once saw an observation that said “gemini placements want you to listen to them but they won’t listen to you” and let me tell you this is a FACT. Talking with a Gemini placement feels like they’re just brain dumping stuff on you💀💀Love you guys tho

Libra loves to flex their wealth, achievements and status a lot more than Capricorn/Scorpio/Leo

Capricorn placements are naturally good educators and they honestly give me influencer energy low-key. They just naturally have this trustworthy and competent energy that when they lean into guiding and teaching people in some way they really excel and attract success the most

Venus-Venus synastry >>>>>> Venus-Mars synastry. With Venus-Venus aspects (even harsh ones) there’s a natural desire to bond/come together with this person in some way no matter what, so the attraction is most of the time mutual and very lasting. You also just naturally like each other and genuinely enjoy each other’s presence. If the relationship is sexual then the sex is just as good if not better than with Mars cause Venus rules pleasure and you’ll both want to please each other while Mars tends to be more self-serving sexually

This is not to say Venus-Mars aspects in synastry are bad, they definitely can create nice bond, chemistry and all of that. But Venus and Mars have opposing natures which can create strong attraction and irresistible pull because they compliment each other but at the same time it can also manifest as mismatching dynamics in the relationship where you aren't always in the same page, specially with harsh aspects. Just my opinion tho.

I know I've said this before but I wanna reiterate that Mars in the 7th house synastry does not reap good results in the long run as per my observation. Its giving friends-to-enemies or lovers-to-enemies energy. There's this feeling of instantly clicking with this person but very soon becomes evident that the two people have conflicting drives and desires which creates a LOT of tensions and unspoken competition/resentment. I've noticed it creates a dynamic where eventually one or both but specially the mars person in particular ends up resenting the house person

I’ve also talked about this before but I just keep observing that Moon-Saturn conjunction often appear to be very thoughtful, mature and kind because they’re very calm and observant of others but you very quickly notice that they actually seem to be completely and genuinely apathetic towards others’ emotions fr. They are aware of people's feelings and can actually understand them fairly well but it's like they observe them from an outside perspective like they're studying others rather than getting emotionally involved with them in an empathetic way. This behavior can have its positives but honestly for the most part I've seen that it makes the natives pretty shady and two-faced due to the strategic nature of Saturn. People with this aspect can play double agent exceptionally well

The most short-tempered mars sign as per my observation is Taurus Mars hands down. They're moody and unpredictable af.

Gemini Mars people have this oddly calm and aloof energy to them where they look like they’re only two sentences away from sending you to the therapist if you upset them in the slightest (they scare me)

I’ve noticed it’s actually Aries and Aquarius placements who love the enemies to lovers trope. Aries is the type to enjoy playful bullying or little dramatic arguments while Aquarius is more about the cat and mouse dynamic, flirting while acting uninterested and things like that. I've noticed they both love this vibe of almost daring the other person and feeling intrigued.

Speaking of, Aries Venus people confuse the shit out of me cause you gotta be a lil bit of an ice queen in order for them to like you😭 And they themselves act in ways that you'd think they hate you and wanna piss you off or create tension but they're just teasing, they wanna see what you're made of. That's why I said they "lack charisma" not because they don't have any but cause they have a very specific charm that can very often rub a lot of people the wrong way (cause it goes against venus' universally plesant nature), same with the other debilitated Venus positions

Gemini moons 🤝 being emotionally unavailable.

Gemini placements 🤝​ being forgetful AS FUCK. Not so much if they also have taurus placements tho

Something I've seen in a loooooot in the synastry of those married couples where the man is head over heels obsessed with his wife is the man's Lilith conjunct the woman's inner placements or angles SPECIALLY her ASC or Venus. She is his weakness and it's that kind of relationships where he can't take his eyes (and hands) off of her and he is fiercely determined to make her his

Something else I've seen in the synastry of married couples is the man's mars falling on the woman's 4th house. He wants to protect her and start a family with her

Aquarius ASC in the composite chart gives off HUGE situationship vibes frrr. I've noticed that couples who have this tend to fully act like they're in a relationship but if you ask them if they're dating they'll tell you they aren't cause they never made anything official. This is the type of connection where they've been together for years but it is uncertain where there relationship is going long-term, nothing's ever officialized or set in stone (Cap 12th house) kinda like "yeah idk one day we'll get married I guess who knows"

astrobydalia

[carn4g3]

Ooh okay, so I thought of an idea! I guess you could call this your first request on this account, but any possessive headcannons about the li's from the night shift?

(I assumed they'd be possessive from what you mentioned at least)

Creepypasta Relationship HCs

Characters - Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu (& Sully), Ticci Toby, & Eyeless Jack x GN Reader

Summary - How they are in a relationship (w/ a "healthy" dose of possessive tendencies)

TWs - Descriptions of yandere behavior, cheating (and otherwise unhealthy polyamory), abusive or toxic relationships, manipulation, possessive and jealous behaviors, mentions of murder and other violence, & very brief mentions of sex.

Word Count - 3.4k (500-700 each)

A/N: Part 2 is now up folks :)

Part 2

Jeff the Killer

Almost definitely has a thing with control. As an unwilling pawn to a creature he can't defeat, he tends to approach all things in life less than civilly.

You would likely have to be under Slender's control as well. While he could possibly tolerate someone who has been with Slender for longer than himself, Jeff prefers a more rookie member. Especially if you're being trained as a proxy, he feels a sort of satisfaction knowing his own influence is somehow intermixed with Slender's closest pawns.

Getting into a relationship with him takes time, and, even then, the term relationship is used very loosely. Jeff has interests for short periods of time before moving on to something else that catches his attention. Assuming this is a more long lasting type of relationship, that manifests as him basically disappearing for anywhere from days to months at a time.

He doesn't quite ignore you. If you pass him by chance, he'll acknowledge you with a smidge more endearment than just anyone else. Even if you seek him out, he might agree, albeit on his terms and free time. However, it certainly rivals the near infatuation he exhibits when he's most interested.

That being said, monogamy is not to be expected. If you wanted to discuss it, you probably wouldn't get a straightforward conversation even if you beat it out of him. Jeff doesn't answer to anyone in his mind. He gets to do whatever he wants, when he wants to. If someone else catches his interest, you're the last thing on his mind.

On the other hand, you do have to answer to him. Being stuck in Slender's woods as well, there's only so many people around you, and Jeff feuds with them constantly. If you were to be seeing one of them, that's something they could hold against him, and, to Jeff, that's worse than sin. For that reason, he absolutely policies your other relationships, and, if anything escalates, you're the sole one at fault. Though, Jeff, behind all his boasting, is not the smartest and it is very easy to lie to him if you're even somewhat decent at it.

Jeff is also not the most affectionate in traditional senses. While he understands the general norms of a relationship, he tends to perceive gestures of affection as begrudging requirements rather than something he enjoys doing.

His main aim in a relationship would be sex, any other things falling as secondary or lower.

Non-sexual physical affection is generally stiff or completely non-existent. Depending on his temperament, he can be a little bit sweeter. If you were to ask for a hug, he would (given you two aren't in any sort of public setting) allow you to give him one. He, on the other hand, would stand there like a reluctantly breathing mannequin.

Words of affection are also few and far between. He absolutely won't say he loves you, and it would be like pulling teeth to get him to call you any endearing nickname. But, Jeff does speak to you a bit softer than he does others. His compliments aren't outright but rather a less critical version of his usual vindictive comments. Not to mention, if he's feeling especially placid, he might refer to you by your actual name over whatever bastardization he normally uses.

His most likely form of affection would be in gift giving. Jeff is kind of a kleptomaniac, deriving a weird sort of joy in taking "souvenirs" from those he's killed. If he just so happens to notice something that you've offhandedly mentioned before or (god forbid) even something that makes him think of you, he'll pass it on. Usually, that means finding it on your doorstep (like he's a cat giving you a dead mouse) or having it tossed off to you under the guise of it being "junk."

I will add one concession which is that it's not entirely impossible to get some complacency out of Jeff. One thing that he tends to forget is that you're not completely weak and docile. After all, you interested Slenderman in some way beyond being prey. The most effective would be straight-up physical violence. Jeff doesn't understand emotional cues, and he hardly respects verbal boundaries. A fist to the gut, though? He understands that well. It'll make him think twice.

Overall, things would need to be toxic on toxic.

Homicidal Liu

Hardly as volatile as his brother, Liu is probably the closest you'll get to a "normal" relationship

While he holds a lot of insecurities about his appearance, he has much more room to interact with others in the real world than some of his companions do. He doesn't have a particular preference for who or what you are. If you're under Slender's control, that makes things easier. But, he's just as willing (if only a little hesitant) to form relationships with people outside of the creature's sphere

In my characterization of Liu, he has a bit of a destructive need to be close to Jeff. Some of it stems from his desire to return to a normal life while other parts of it is because he feels a need to be treated poorly somehow. Either way, his agreement to Slender is purely out of a need to be closer to Jeff. For that reason, he doesn't really view the creature in as negative of a light as others. Liu might even encourage you to submit to Slender if you haven't already, though who knows how that might actually go for you.

A complete wannabe romantic. If he sets his eyes on you, he'll go about the motions in the hopes you'll like him back. On the good side, you'll get a couple of nice dates and a bouquet of your favorite flowers for any sort of special event. In the case you don't reciprocate the romantic feelings, however, that does nothing to deter him. He just needs to try harder and eventually he'll wear you down.

Liu doesn't see himself with anyone but you, and he hopes you feel the same. However, he's a bit more flexible if you aren't interested in being exclusive. He fears that denying you fully might turn your interests away from him, so, instead, he'll try to convince you that he's better than whoever else you set your eyes on.

Compared to others, Liu isn't particularly the strongest. He's killed, but he doesn't feel any great pleasure or disgust towards it. It's something he has to do to be near Jeff, that's all. So, he's not one to go straight to physically harming anyone who gets close to you-- that might upset you too. But, he is one hell of a gossip. Any possible dirt he has on the person in question, he'll tell you all about it, maybe even twist it to seem like they hurt him personally. At the end of the day, you love him, don't you? You wouldn't want him to get hurt again, right?

On the more fluffy side, he’s the most consistently affectionate compared to others. Physical affection and words of affection are the main ways he would show his love in a relationship.

He's most physically affectionate when taking you on a date. Holding your hand and kissing your cheek, he does everything the sweet, picture-perfect boyfriend might. Liu's also very willing to indulge whatever requests you have of him. Whatever you want, his arms are open-- literally. In public settings, he gets a bit shyer, a pink flush taking over his features as he reaches for your hand or hastily presses his lips to your own.

When it comes to words of affection, he's quite the poet, like an actual love poet. Is his poetry good? That's subjective. If you indulge him, he might slip a love note or two your way. Although, he was far from a straight-A student. You're pretty sure some of the big words he uses don't quite mean what he thinks, but the thought is generally there. Even if you don't indulge his poetry, he'll still let the words "I love you" fall in your direction alongside a slew of other compliments.

Sully

I don't imagine Sully fronts very much, but, when he does, it's usually for a decently long period of time. Because of this, Liu keeps a diary of sorts so that the other can be a little less disoriented when coming to the front. Sully begrudgingly respects the diary. He doesn't keep up with it like Liu and writes far less, but he keeps the important details in mind.

If you're Liu's partner, he's not too interested in you. Inevitably, he'll be curious at first upon reading about you, but, if you don't catch his interest, he'll move on just as quickly. In that case, you probably won't see him until he fronts again.

In the off chance that he does see you as more than some side character, that doesn't really change much. Just because you're Liu's partner and somehow attracted to their host body (even though Sully is doubtful to believe that), he doesn't just get free range on you. He'll hang around you a bit longer, maybe indulge in a conversation or two. If Sully's relationship with you does develop into something less passive, it would likely be purely sexual in nature.

In general, Sully is unlikely to pursue a romantic partner of his own-- especially if Liu already has a partner. For Sully, Liu's needs matter more than his own, so he gets the final say on romantic relationships. But, he's not incapable of experiencing romantic attraction for another person.

Unlike Liu, you'd have to be under Slender's control for Sully to even consider you. He admires powerful people, so, if you were a more experienced member, that would only be a bonus.

If he did let an actual relationship form between the two of you, it would probably be pretty loosely defined. He wouldn't call himself your boyfriend, but he would scoff if you didn't see him that way. With that, Sully wouldn't entirely mind you were with someone else-- as long as he found them worthy.

(I'm not decided on writing NSFW on this account yet, but there's something there... remind me)

That doesn't dissolve the possessiveness entirely. Sully would still feel like he has some say in your other partners if it's someone he doesn't like. Rather than take that disapproval out on you, he'll go right to the source, and he is not opposed to violence.

In terms of affection in a relationship, Sully is a lot like Jeff in most ways. He's not a fan of initiating softer forms of affection. You would have to be dying in his arms to get him to hug you and most kisses would need to be initiated by you (it's not like he minds, though).

Sully's most valuable asset is his time. When he's fronting, he gets no more than one or two months to get everything done. So, if he chooses to spend his time with you, you better appreciate it. Even if you don't, that might not stop him if he's in deep enough.

Liu would probably be similarly indifferent to Sully's partner whenever he fronts again. He takes a bit more time to get to know you, Sully writing much less about you than Liu would, but he certainly wouldn't grow more fond of you than that.

Ticci Toby

Truly a rollercoaster of a man.

Toby is damn near infatuated with Slender, seeing it as something of a savior to him. Whether you feel entirely the same is irrelevant, you would have to be another proxy. Toby is often trapped in his own mind, not really too observant of things he doesn't need to be. So, you would need to be someone who's a bit more relevant in his life than just an occasional mission-buddy.

Surprise, surprise, Toby struggles with authority. He hates when people have power over him and he knows it (*cough* Tim *cough*). He'll fight any order quite fervently whether that be by outright defying it or just doing something his own way instead. At the same time, he feels the innate urge to be validated for his efforts and garner respect from the very same authority figure. Shockingly, he finds himself gravitated to someone who's been around a bit longer than himself.

You would have to be the one to establish any clear boundaries or definitions in a relationship. Once Toby thinks something, that tends to become his version of fact. He thinks you two are partners? You are. No need to inform you of that, you must already know.

Toby is incredibly insecure in himself. As a result, everyone is a threat to his relationship with you. Anyone could swipe you away if he's not watching carefully enough, so he's on high alert around others-- whether you want him to be or not. At the best of times, he can keep his mouth shut. But, at his worst, he sics himself on others like an untrained guard dog. The offense in question? Causing you to smile in a conversation.

This sort of variety tends to describe most of your relationship. Sometimes, he fails to see any of your flaws, pining any issues he has on either himself or others. Other times, everything is your fault to the point he almost despises you. Those times don't equate to necessarily him distancing himself. Rather, he takes increasingly more frustrating means to get you to change for him. You love him, don't you?

Toby doesn't know much about relationships apart from the stereotypical and heteronormative examples he saw as a child. Regardless of your gender, he tends to think of himself as the "dominating man" of the relationship. Despite that, he tends to be weak to you. It's not the hardest to knock him down a peg or two, depending on his mental state.

His most likely forms of affection are in gifts and acts of service. He's not exactly an artist, but he likes to think he is as he combines various rocks, sticks, and acorns together into some atrocity for you. Almost like a courting bird, he most prefers giving you the pretty or shiny objects he can find throughout the woods. As for his acts of service, those go back to his desire for you to be proud of him. Doing things for you is a natural way for him to achieve that, no matter how ridiculous or damaging your request might be. This aspect of his is almost too easy to exploit.

Toby is very awkward with physical affection. Being around you heightens his nerves and, in turn, his tics. He worries that he'll jab you too hard with his elbow or accidentally smack you with an involuntary hand flick. So, he stays close but never too close: hovering is the best way to describe it. Toby exists near you like a presence, just a few feet away and fiddling with his hands as he waits for you.

Words of affection are also difficult for him for similar reasons. He despises the way his voice comes out cut and stuttered and saying such big things like "I love you" takes a lot of effort out of him. On that note, he can be quite the talker once you two get closer. When he's comfortable around people, he likes to tell them about his interests in long, rambling ways with a little glimmer in his eyes. It's almost comical how easily you can initiate such word vomit from him.

Eyeless Jack

EJ has been a personal fav of mine for many years now.

While I'm an absolute sucker for the beauty and the beast trope with this guy, I think a relationship with someone else under Slender's control is most likely. Despite that, he would definitely be more likely to fall in love with a more human member than another supernatural one. Jack craves nothing more than the nostalgia and familiarity of humanity, so, if a human partner is the closest he can get, then so be it.

A relationship with Jack is beyond a slowburn. He wouldn't admit feelings for you even if it killed him. Jack despises who he is and thinks that every nice thing around him should feel the same. For that reason, it would take you to be the catalyst for the relationship. Good luck doing that though when Jack starts avoiding you like the plague, a pretty common occurrence. Even if you do voice the thoughts for him, he might still hide in the hopes you'll forget them.

Once in a relationship, he's the most likely to make it clear that he wants you two to be exclusive. While I tend to hesitate on making his more demonic traits too animalistic, I think it's reasonable to suggest that he has quite the strong nose. You have a scent, perhaps even one beyond whatever hygiene products you wear, and so does everyone else. If you don't smell like, well, you, it unsettles him in a certain way. That's his reasoning, at least.

In reality, he's more possessive than he lets on. To an extent, it's not a complete ruse on his part. He does truly believe the things that he asks of you are because his demonic nature makes the alternative impossible. It would be a lie to say there isn't some almost inexplicable mental gymnastics to get to that point, however. He can handle you having platonic relationships with others, no matter how much he feels his hands twitch unpleasantly at the thought. Jack struggles to fully commit to making you "all his" given that he doesn't think he deserves anything.

Expanding on his self-hatred a bit further, Jack is most vocal about these feelings with you. The sheer amount of time it took for the two of you to get together allowed for the establishment of more than enough trust on his part. He'll rarely dump it all at once. Instead, he makes comments here and there about hating certain features of his, or, if that's too much, he'll look so obviously sad about it. The reassurances feel cute, almost more domestic than you expected... at first.

Jack doesn't actively seek praise or compliments from others. If anything, he tries to practically disappear in most social settings. So, to have someone reaffirm him so readily, it's almost intoxicating. It would be a lie to say he doesn't fish for compliments on occasion, highlighting some insecurity of his to an unnecessary degree in the hopes you'll dote on him over him. Honestly, you might have swayed his worries on the issue entirely, but he'll be damned if he doesn't hear you say it again and again and again.

Acts of service and quality time are his go to forms of affection. Jack is guilty of hovering even more so than Toby is. If you're doing something, he's willing to help with whatever it is (there's very little he can't do) or at least linger around you if you don't want the help. When you're not busy, he still likes to linger near even if you two are doing separate things. Another heightened sense of his is hearing, so he basks in the quiet. As his partner, hearing you is a big comfort to him, even if it's just your soft breaths.

As is customary now, Jack doesn't think he's deserving of physical affection even though he craves it. He's shockingly strong willed and won't initiate anything unless you specifically instruct him to. He's most partial to being held by you, but is willing and happy to act as your personal pillow if need be. Sometimes, he can be a bit too cautious with his expressions of physical affection. Between his claws, his strength, and the inhuman black substance that drips from his eye sockets, he's a big fan of hover hands.

For words of affection, Jack is not a talker whatsoever. Despite his transparency on his insecurities, it flusters him greatly to share how he truly feels about you. He can only bring himself to say he loves you when he's sure you're deep asleep. Regardless, he'll manage to throw around an occasional compliment or two. Usually, it's uttered painstakingly quiet and you'd be lucky if he ever actually repeated it for you to hear better.

I fear there is some favoritism between these characters and I need to write more asshole EJ hcs.

[lilianne-tarot]

PICK A CARD: What's Your Future Spouse's Best Personality Trait? ✮⋆˙

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　˚　.　　　　　 . ✦

How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images above. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you, go ahead and read both!

If you enjoyed this reading, get your own personalized paid reading here!😊🦋

For personalized 18+ readings, click here!

My KO-FI link: HERE 🫶🏻

MY MASTERLIST🫶🏻

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　˚　.　　　　　 . ✦

⊹₊⟡ Pile I

4 of Cups + 9 of Wands + 8 of Cups?! Babes, your future spouse has been through the wringer. they are a tough cookie. This is the kind of person who’s faced rejection, disappointments, and emotional letdowns that could make even a main character in a tragic romance novel say, "Damn, you good?" 😭 But instead of being bitter, they’ve built a fortress of emotional resilience around themselves. The 9 of Wands is telling me this person has been knocked down 100 times but got up 101, they don’t give up on life or love, even if they’ve been burned before. The 8 of Cups confirms that they’ve walked away from things that no longer serve them (toxic exes, dead-end jobs, situationships that made no sense, all of it). They’re not the type to dwell on "what could’ve been." Instead, they cut their losses and move forward.

This is someone you can depend on. When life gets tough, they’re not crumbling into a puddle of existential dread, they’re standing tall, supporting both of you. They know how to handle loss, hardship, and setbacks without bringing negativity into the relationship. Instead of complaining, they’ll problem-solve and protect your peace.

Okay, now let’s talk about the Knight of Cups, aka, the walking romance novel protagonist. This person is charm on legs, but in a deep, thoughtful way. They’re not love-bombing for funsies, they actually feel things intensely and express love with heartfelt actions and words. while they are romantic, they also have a depth that makes them super self-aware. They know real love isn’t about grand gestures alone, it’s about emotional connection. So while they might not be showering you with gifts every five seconds, best believe they’ll know exactly when you’re feeling off and how to comfort you without even being asked.

They’ll write you long-ass texts about how much they love and appreciate you🥺. They’re the type to listen to your late-night yapping and actually remember what you said. They have a poetic way of expressing love, even if they don’t try to be poetic, they just naturally speak in soft boy/girl energy. MY TYPE MY TYPE MY TYPE😭

This person doesn’t do "surface-level love." They love in a way that FEELS SAFE, like you can fully be yourself without judgment. No breadcrumbs, no mixed signals, just pure, heart-centered love. Your future spouse is giving "strong but soft" energy. They’re emotionally intelligent, resilient, and romantic, and they don’t play about their love life. They will love you deeply, protect your peace, and keep the romance alive—all while being a grounded, stable, and emotionally evolved partner. ✨ You won’t have to second-guess this connection. They’re mature, romantic, and strong-willed—a whole package deal. 🥹

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　˚　.　　　　　 . ✦

⊹₊⟡ Pile II

Okay, listen, this person does NOT make impulsive decisions. The 2 of Wands + The Hanged Man combo? This is the chess master of life. They calculate everything, they analyze their next steps like they’re planning world domination, and they don’t move unless they’re absolutely 100% sure it’s the right decision.

They’re not the type to rush into things, whether it’s a relationship, a career move, or even a casual Friday night out ("What’s the vibe? Who all is gonna be there?", yeah, they need to know first 💀). The Hanged Man energy tells me that they take their sweet time weighing all the options, and the 2 of Wands? That just screams "I’ve got a vision, and I’m making it happen." They strategize, they plan, and when they commit, they COMMIT. They won’t be the type to rush into things, but the second they decide, "Yeah, this is my person," it’s game over for everyone else.

What this means for you? No confusion, no mixed signals, You will always know where you stand. They will plan your future together, And I mean, really plan it. This is the person who will randomly say, "Hey, do you want to move to Paris in five years? I’ve already looked into real estate options. They don’t do dumb drama, If problems come up, they handle them maturely and efficiently (and probably before you even notice). They are your safe place, Because their whole aura just screams "I got this, don’t worry." This person is unbothered and calm 95% of the time. They have this aura of serenity and wisdom that makes you feel so at peace when you’re around them. But that 5%? That’s when they see someone messing with you, and suddenly, you realize... oh, they could actually destroy a person if they wanted to. 👀

You will feel SAFE and protected at all times, They’re not aggressive, but they are calculating AF. Anyone who disrespects you? They’re already mentally plotting the most strategic way to make that person regret their existence. You get the best of both worlds, A partner who is peaceful and chill, but also deadly if necessary. It’s like dating a hot mastermind who meditates but could also lead an army.

They will never embarrass you with childish fights, They know how to shut down drama with just one sentence ("That’s an interesting perspective. Too bad it’s wrong.") and keep it moving.

WHEW the most FICTIONAL PARTNER EVERRR. This is the type of love that makes people jealous because it’s just so stable, deep, and fulfilling. This person is smart, protective, emotionally intelligent, and devoted, honestly, what more could you ask for? 😭They are the calm before AND after the storm, the architect of your dream life, and the silent but deadly protector who will love you with the power of a thousand well-thought-out strategies. And let’s be real… dating them is basically winning at life.

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

˚　　　　✦���　　.　　. 　˚　.　　　　　 . ✦

⊹₊⟡ Pile III

This pile is the MOST romantic of all three.

Ohhhh, you are about to marry someone who does NOT play when it comes to their goals.This is giving "I put in the time, I put in the effort, and I get RESULTS." Since they’re naturally hardworking and disciplined, they approach relationships with the same level of commitment and strategy they bring to their personal goals.

They’re not the kind of person who gets discouraged easily. If something takes time, they understand that’s just part of the process. They trust the grind, and they know that as long as they keep working, keep improving, and stay consistent, they will get to where they want to be. (The type to be in the gym every day, rain or shine, because discipline > motivation💀.) They’re insanely reliable, if they say they’ll do something, THEY WILL. They probably have a strong work ethic, career-driven, passionate, maybe even a little obsessed with self-improvement.You will never have to second-guess if they’re serious about you, because once they decide to invest in something (or someone 👀), they are in it for the long haul. This is the type of partner who builds an empire with you. This person has BIG main character energy, they embrace life with open arms and are always down for an adventure. They don’t get stuck in endless “what-ifs.” Instead, they’re like "Screw it, let’s do it."

Okay, so here’s the fun part, this person? Totally the type to act all logical and practical, but deep down? THEY ARE A SOFTIE. 😭

Hey do romantic things without realizing it, You’ll casually mention something you like once, and BOOM, two weeks later, they surprise you with it (and play it off like it’s no big deal). Sir/Ma’am, just admit you’re obsessed already.🤓 Their love language is thoughtful actions, Expect things like fixing something before you even ask, getting your coffee just the way you like it, or remembering the exact way you like your blanket tucked in at night. It’s the small details for them.

They have that “quiet but deep” love, They’re not the type to scream “I love you” in public, but the way they look at you, protect you, and always think of you first? UGH. Heart-melting levels of devotion. They are soft for YOU and YOU ONLY, The world sees them as chill, independent, and maybe even a little reserved… but the moment they’re with you? They turn into human teddy bear.

They’d never admit it, but you are their weakness, and honestly, That’s HOT.

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　˚　.　　　　　 . ✦

Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I hope my reading resonated with you and that you had a lovely time going through it. If you enjoyed it, please like and reblog, it really means a lot! Let me know which pile you chose; I absolutely love hearing your thoughts and feedback on my readings! If my reading resonated you, you may consider buying my paid reading as it would really help me out financially♡

Note: tarot cards provide guidance and possible insights into what could happen based on current energies, thoughts, and actions. the cards can highlight potential paths or outcomes, but they do not fixedly predict the future. this is a general reading so take what resonates!

[noctiva]

omg hai me again! (first time anon…well, second time now)

i would KILL for those relationship hcs with toby, i love him so much, i wanna give him a good life :( poor guys honestly through so much ughhhhh

okay bai bai!

(im definitely gonna be back, maybe ��� anon? watch out :3)

I got you!! let’s get it!

—

Toby Rogers - Relationship HCs [SFW + NSFW!]

CW: NSFW content! Descriptions of and mentions of sexual acts, mentions of pregnancy and breeding, mentions of violence + murder, toxic behaviour, possessive + jealous behaviour, mentions of fighting w/ a partner (verbally and physically)

[PSA! I’m dividing this into two separate sections because I have two separate headcanons for toby dearest, as you can read about here!]

-

NSFW under the cut! Minors do not interact!

-

For me, how Toby would act in a relationship is dependent on if he’s retained his past memories or not! Let’s talk about both <3

Memories intact! [SFW]

A loverboy in the most fucked up sense of the word

Lives each day wondering how on earth he manage to land you, and is partially convinced you’re a figment of his imagination because of how goddamn perfect you are in his eyes.

Because of this, he is a bit… Clingy. When you first meet, all of the ‘what if’s’ are drowned out by how intense his emotions are - but once he gets situated, the shock melts away for thoughts much more destructive.

Toby puts you on a pedestal. Like some sort of goddess compared to him. So sweet, pure, and untainted by the horrors he’s been subjected to.

So, the awe of being with you very quickly becomes bordered with the overwhelming fear that you’ll one day grow bored of him.

Or worse, one day grow scared of him.

His jealousy is absolutely volatile when left unchecked. His thoughts spiral quickly, and he feels things very intensely.

Laughed at a joke another proxy made? Oh, must mean that you like them more than him. Share a cigarette with Tim because you ran out? Yeah, you guys definitely must be fucking behind his back.

Oh, and if they’re not a fellow proxy? Yeah, they’re good as dead if they so much as hold a door open for you.

It’s… an issue, to say the least. It gets to the point where you can’t even look at another man without Toby twisting himself into a knot.

Like a dog, growling at anyone who even comes close to its territory.

And don’t… Don’t try to reason with him. He won’t budge, no matter how many times you try to calm him down.

And if you’re really insistent about it, things can get messy fast.

Immediately, he’ll be convinced all of his worst nightmares are unfolding before his eyes. Because why would you be trying to get him to stop protecting you? It must be because you’re guilty, in one way or another.

I will not lie to you, he gets so nasty and mean when he’s like this. Name calling, being purposefully harsh just to spite you, before he inevitably disappears without warning for a few hours to try and cool off.

(He is a walking tornado when he’s like this btw. If something gets close to him, it’s getting butchered). So, it’s a good thing he knows to distance himself.

But, you suppose you can’t really blame him. Every thing else that he’s ever loved was ripped up from under his feet, right before his eyes.

Needless to say, he needs constant reassurance.

You could never say ‘I love you’ too many times to him. Every single time it feels like a blessing. Like it’s the first time all over again.

His love languages are words of affirmation, gift giving and physical touch.

Big emphasis on the latter. He needs to be touching you like all the time.

A hand tucked into your back pocket as you stand beside him, playing with your hair as you rest your head on his lap. Arms circled around your waist as you prepare dinner, shuffling around the kitchen behind you as he nibbles at your neck softly.

Did I mention he likes to bite? Because he does. A lot.

A lot of the time, it isn’t even of sexual nature, he’s just got an oral fixation. If you weren’t around, he’d be biting his nails to the bone, or chewing on the strings of his hoodie.

But he does have you! So you’re getting nibbled on instead <3

Lazily dragging his teeth against your shoulder blades as you lay in bed cuddling together. Nibbling on your thumbs and fingers absentmindedly as you watch a movie together. Sneaking up behind you just to catch the meat of your neck between his teeth, biting hard enough to leave indentations behind before he just goes about his day as if nothing happened.

It doesn’t help that you taste so good - but we’ll get into that later.

His other love language - gift giving - is just as prominent.

In my general headcanons for him, I mentioned that Toby likes to search the forest for pretty things when he’s out and about. If he’s in a relationship, yeah that increases tenfold.

He’s like a fucking crow. Constantly bringing home shiny rocks and cool bones he came across. Wildflowers too, which he’ll haphazardly tie into a makeshift bouquet before giving to you.

If any of his victims are wearing jewelry - yeah, that’s getting snatched. It’s not like they need it now, and it would definitely look better on his baby anyway.

(You’ve learned to stop asking where they’re coming from).

He pampers and dotes on you to an almost annoying degree btw. But as I mentioned before, he’s pretty much convinced you’re a deity, so that’s what you deserve.

He loves to take care of you. It makes him feel like he’s deserving of your presence. (Though, he really doesn’t need to prove himself to you, but it’s a whole mental thing you won’t be able to talk him out of).

He will literally learn skills just to make your life easier. Gets better at hunting so that you don’t have to worry about where to find food. Figures out how to skin and butcher animals so that you don’t have to deal with the gore. Will build furniture for you if you mention you want something once. (“It’d be nice to have a swing in the back for the summer.” Boom. You’ve got one the next day.)

He’ll wash your hair, sew up your clothes, wake up early just so that you have a cup of coffee before your eyes even flutter open.

Because, again, that’s what you deserve.

I will mention this again he is SOOOOOO clingy! He’ll come home from a mission and immediately be seeking you out, pulling you into an embrace before even washing the blood from his skin.

Very outdoorsy too, so expect lots of long nature walks and picnics.

Memories intact! [NSFW]

Remember how I said he thinks you taste good?

Good fucking luck because when you guys are getting down and dirty, it’s gonna feel like he’s trying to literally consume you.

He will sink his teeth into wherever he can find purchase. Your neck, shoulders, thighs, chest, ass - nothing is spared. You’re gonna look like you got attacked by a wolf when it’s all over.

And his possessiveness definitely plays a part.

He wants you covered in his marks. Wants people to know you’re his with just one glance at you.

He’ll bite hard enough to bruise, hard enough to bleed - and then he’ll suck at the wound to draw more out. Loving the taste of your blood on his tongue, but also needing the mark he leaves behind to be as dark as possible.

Honestly, I’m gonna be fr, he’d probably carve his initials into your thigh if you’d let him.

Gotta let everyone know who you belong to!

You, will never forget that fact. Because in bed, it seems like his main mission is to drill that idea into your brain.

He’ll usually start out gentle, but that never lasts long. He’ll have you sobbing by the time it’s all over. Fucking as many orgasms out of you as you can take.

And that man’s got stamina. So, good luck trying not to pass out.

He can’t feel the pain and soreness of his muscles, so it doesn’t matter to him. He’ll keep going until he’s shooting blanks LMAO

And he’s… well endowed. So you’re gonna be feeling it for a few days after.

I’m gonna give him a solid 6.5 inches. Not too girthy, but enough for you to really feel the stretch.

I don’t make the rules. He’s a dorky, scrawny white boy, alright? I have quite literally never been with one that wasn’t packing 🫡

Pleasure is like, the one intense sensation he can feel, so he’s pretty hypersexual tbh. It’s the only thing that breaks through the numbness he’s always drowning in.

I personally believe Toby’s not a snivelling virgin, but anyone else he’s been with before you simply do not exist to him the moment you first bare it all for him.

You practically rewrote his brain, and now he’s convinced that everyone else on earth pales in comparison. And he’s obsessive about it.

He’s almost always horny over you LMAOOO his libido is off the charts.

But it’s not his fault!! You’re just so pretty! You literally don’t even have to do anything. He’ll pop a boner just from watching you brush your hair.

(Before you guys officially started dating, he jacked off to the thought of you more times than he will ever admit. Jacked off to pictures of you even more often).

And, he’s not too well versed in self-control, so the moment he gets the urge - expect to be practically pounced on.

Does not matter where you are. Bedroom, kitchen, in the woods, in an alley, shoved into a gas station bathroom. He doesn’t care. Let someone walk in on you, let them alllll know who’s fucking you good.

He’s a bit of an exhibitionist if I will be honest, and it’s partially motivated by his need to let everyone know that you’re his. The type to try and convince you to cockwarm him while you’re sitting in the corner of a room full of people.

I have mentioned this many times on my blog, Toby is a grade A fucking munch. The man loves to eat pussy. I would argue it’s his favourite pastime.

He will spend literal hours down there if you let him. Moaning into you as he claws at your hips with blunt fingernails, nipping and biting at your thighs between licks.

He will cum untouched. He is crazy sensitive and just the taste of you will get him so hard it will definitely end with him dirtying his boxers.

But just as much as that, he loves it when you go down on him too.

He’s a bit of a sadist (which I will touch on in a moment), so he loves to watch you struggle and choke to take him all. Loves how you whimper around him and your eyebrows furrow. He loves the sight of your pretty tears like most.

So much, that he’ll lick them off your cheeks.

Also, German dirty talk! He almost always slips into his mother tongue when he’s deep in it.

“So eine gute kleine Schlampe.”

“Hübsches Lamm, ich weiß, du kannst mehr ertragen.”

Speaking of talk, dude is fucking NOISY. He’s always gotta be saying something.

Mindless babble about how good you feel between strained grunts and groans. Drool smearing against your neck as he moans about how much he loves you, how he’s so lucky to have you, how he can’t believe that you’re his.

“Du gehörst mir, Baby. Vergiss das nie.”

“Mein Mädchen. Mein Ein und Alles.”

The only way he’s quiet is if he’s got a face full of pussy tbh.

But don’t forget to praise him too! I already told you he needs affirmation on a daily basis this definitely carries into the bedroom.

Tell him how good he makes you feel, how full he gets you, and he will fucking fold.

(Don’t be afraid to call him a good boy either. He’ll get so flustered and blush so pretty).

Oh, and he’s got a breeding kink.

Not like.. Seriously, because he’s well aware that being a father isn’t in his cards.

But the idea of knocking you up makes him downright feral.

That’s like, the ultimate claim. It’s the dream, for someone as sickeningly possessive as him.

(And he’d bet you’d look even more beautiful pregnant).

So if you’re on the pill, expect endless creampies.

And if you’re not, expect him to act like a big baby about it.

It’s just not as satisfying to cum on you, it should be in you. That’s where it belongs.

Either way, he’s not wearing a condom. The type to call it ‘restrictive’ or ‘suffocating’. His pull out game is strong though, luckily.

(Though, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t often think about just cumming inside you and dealing with the consequences later. He’s selfish like that. But he’d never actually do it.)

It’s alright though. Just let him cum down your throat and that’ll placate him a little.

Okay, let’s get into the nitty gritty. He is a sadist 100% no and ifs or buts about it. He can’t feel pain himself, so he is so morbidly fascinated with how people react to it. Especially you. You just look so lovely when your face is scrunched up in agony, pretty tears flowing down your cheeks.

He’d never hurt you bad enough to be worrisome, but he will draw blood and leave bruises. He will test you, to see just how much you can take.

And I don’t know if I can call him a masochist, because again - he can’t feel it - BUT he LOVES IT when you get rough with him too.

Claw at his back until the skin tears. Tug at his hair hard enough to make his scalp throb. Bite him, and draw some blood in return. Really makes him feel wanted and desired.

He is the absolute king of aftercare though, despite his roughness.

Will run you a bath and carry you to it. Wash you clean of all the blood and grime smeared across your skin. You can even fall asleep if you want, he’ll tend to you with the utmost care before drying you off and carrying you back to bed.

And when you wake up, he’s right there next to you with a glass of water and painkillers in hand.

oh toby,,, my dear boyfailure,, at the end of the day his toxic traits all boil down to being scared to lose you.

but! if he lost his memories…

Memories wiped! [SFW]

Baby… good fucking luck.

You will literally be competing for attention with an eldritch entity so… I hope you’ve got strong willpower and determination.

Toby is Slender’s golden boy, and for good reason. He’s a 6’1, absolute tank of a man who can’t feel pain. His endurance is whacked, his dedication and devotion rivals that of the looniest heretic, and he’s damn good at his job. You could break his jaw and claw his eyes out and you will still lose.

(In this scenario, you would have to be a fellow proxy. If not, the only relationship you’re getting with Toby is being one of his victims. This man’s brain is so rotted you may as well be trying to seduce a fucking rock.)

So, with the first big change from before; you will have to be the one perusing him. The Toby from the first scenario would be pining over you pathetically. This one? He could not give a rats ass about starting any form of relationship. It’s just a distraction from his purpose.

And I’m so sorry, but you will be making a fool out of yourself for a least a couple months before he caves. He will not reciprocate your flirting at all before you wriggle under his skin, and if anything he’ll just view you as a fucking nuisance.

He has half the mind to not complain about you to Slender and get you tortured into submission.

But, he doesn’t. Maybe from lingering remnants of the compassion he had lost, or maybe because he knows you’re not technically doing anything wrong.

As long as you’re both getting your job’s done, you can make goo goo eyes at him all you want. Doesn’t matter to him.

Until it doessssss <3

It is a very slow process, and he is so not on board. If you thought he was snippy with you before, the moment feelings start to fester within him he is INSUFFERABLE. So mean for no fucking reason. Avoiding you at all costs if he can help it.

(such a tsundere <3)

No, it’s actually because he’s trying to get you to hate him so that he can finally get the distance he so clearly needs from you. He can’t afford to put his energy into romance. He’s more of a pawn than a man, it just feels… Wrong.

But, you know what they say! The heart wants what it wants! (Even if his brain is wholeheartedly trying to fight it).

He’d indulge himself in small doses. Snapping pictures of you when you aren’t looking, sneaking into your room to steal pieces of your clothing for the scent (we will touch on this more later).

And he hates it, because it is never enough to placate him. He’s always left yearning for more with fantasies of you flashing behind his eyes - and it is agonizing to deal with.

But at the same time, he doesn’t want it to stop, because it makes him feel… Almost nostalgic for a life he can’t even remember. A time when he could, and would form relationships with people. A time when there was more to life, than just - wake up, slaughter, sleep, repeat.

So, his willpower eventually wanes, and you notice it immediately.

He’s no longer mean for no reason. Only when you’re reckless and get yourself hurt, or if another proxy is picking on you. And he’ll constantly manage to wriggle his way onto whatever mission you’re going on.

He becomes a guard dog basically. And people will notice, because he is not subtle. He will flash his hatchets if someone looks at you wrong.

Again though, this will move SLOWWWW. The hating you phase will last months. The bodyguard phase will also last months. I hope you like slow burn because you guys will probably not kiss until over a year into knowing each other.

And when you do, it’s because he just can’t take it anymore. His imagination isn’t cutting it. It feels like you’ve infected him, and the longer he abstains, the worse his gut wrenching longing becomes.

So, on a mission together after finishing off your kill, he’ll pull you to the side and draw you in close.

He’ll search your face with manic eyes, so close you can feel his breath on your skin, thoughts pinging around in his brain at a mile a minute. And then, he’ll finally cave and press his lips to yours - right above the corpse you had just slain. How romantic <3

From there, I hope you don’t have second thoughts, because you’re in it for the long haul now. He will not be letting you go. He basically rewrote his entire mind for you, it would be cruel to back out now.

You thought the Toby I talked about before was obsessive? AHAHAHAHA

This man’s entire life revolves around two things; Slender and you, and he’s just as devoted to both.

He will not be leaving your side for even a second at a time if he can help it.

Except for when he wakes up from a random blackout and finds himself alone in the middle of nowhere. Which used to just be another day in the biz, but with you in the equation? He is panicking the moment he realizes you’re not next to him.

He is constantly worrying about, or thinking about you. And if he has to go on a mission away from you? He’ll act like the world is ending.

He won’t be leaving without a few articles of your clothing, and maybe (definitely) a few pictures.

He does get in trouble quite a few times, because he’ll start to get sloppy. Rushing through missions without a lack of care, just so that he can get home to you faster.

And you’ll take some of the fall too. Slender’s not stupid, and he’ll be well aware of why his once efficient killing machine has become lacklustre at best. Expect frequent bouts of Slender sickness throughout the duration of your relationship - just getting more and more intense with each iteration. As I said, I hope you’ve got a lot of willpower! Because you will be thrown through the wringer if you want to stay with him.

Toby will notice this though. It’s hard not to, either how you’re constantly nauseous, bleeding, and in a state of crippling paranoia, so he’ll force himself to be better - if only for your sake.

Surprisingly, this Toby is not as jealous or possessive. He doesn’t remember the pain of losing his loved ones, and with how much effort you put into courting him - he’s not scared that you’re going to leave him.

You would never, if you knew what’s good for you :)

As I said before - Jealous? no. Obsessive and protective? Uh huh.

He will kill anything that even thinks about hurting you. And if he can’t kill them (because of immortality or whatever), he’ll make them wish they were dead. It’s not torture if it’s justified, right?

Also, you’ll have to be patient with him. He’s not at all accustomed to this whole… Caring for other people thing. So he can’t really help how intensely he feels for you. Remember your first love? Yeah, it’s that. Plus a whole bucketload of hysteria.

He will take it as a personal attack if you want alone time. He wants to be with you all the time, so why wouldn’t you want that with him? You’re the one who sought him out.

He will be using that as a way to deflect any blame away from his toxic behaviour, btw. You lured him in. You wanted this. You’ll have to reap the consequences.

And despite how much he may want to be good for you, you really can’t ask much from a man who’s been trained to be as apathetic as humanly possible.

He’s got the attitude problems of a snot-nosed teenage boy. He will call you a bitch just for asking him to maybe change out of his bloody clothes before sitting on the couch. He will call you a nag, and stupid, and whatever nasty word comes to mind at the time. He’s horrible tbh. Gets real nasty if he’s in a mood.

And to be honest, he’s in a mood quite often, because he’s pretty prone to pushing himself until he’s near delirious from exhaustion.

And it sucks, but his conditioned mind just does not feel sympathy. You could be screaming your lungs out at him, practically pulling your hair out with tears streaming down your face, and all you’ll get in response is his default look of apathy.

Because to him, it’s not that deep. It’s not like he’s trying to fucking kill you. All he did was belittle and make a joke out of every single issue you’re having with him.

He’s actually the worst I’m sorry. But that’s what he’s supposed to be. He wasn’t programmed to partake in a cushy, loving relationship.

That doesn’t mean actually he hates you though, or means any of the fucked up shit he says, he’s entire view of love is just warped as hell. He’s pretty much convinced you being with him is just a given.

You guys will obviously fight a lot. Verbally and physically. It is a common sight for other proxies to see you and Toby brawling in the middle of the grass for the third time that week.

But when you guys are good, you’re really fucking good. You’re his glimpse into what life could be, and though he’s not the best at showing it, he really does love you for it.

So much that he’ll gift you a still beating heart on Valentine’s Day, along with a bouquet of wildflowers. Aw <3

Dates with him include: hunting together, axe throwing competitions(he always wins, obviously), long nature walks, going on missions together, scary movie nights where you both laugh at how unrealistic the gore is.

And because you are literally the first close relationship he’s ever had (or that he can remember) expect him to be making the most of it.

Touching and kissing you whenever he can. Even if there’s people around. He’s the king of PDA he does not give a fuck.

He likes it when you wear his clothes (especially his goggles… maybe a little too much) because it makes you look… His. And it’s weird, knowing that you are. That you’ve chosen to be around him, and he does revel in that fact every single day - even if he does kinda suck.

And over time, you will mellow him out, just like how you did in the beginning. He will never be a cushy soft, lovesick puppy, but he will eventually come to realize that maybe he shouldn’t be so much of an asshole to the woman who sticks by his side through it all.

And it’ll only go up from there!

Memories wiped! [SFW]

Okay, this Toby is a raging virgin. He was a heavily bullied outcast before becoming a mindless slave to Slender. He did not have time, nor care for any of that shit.

And it shows. At first, he’s so uncoordinated and messy. Too much tongue in his kisses, can’t find the clit to save his life - it’s… A mess. But what he lacks in experience he will make up for with enthusiasm.

He’s been fucking his own hand for way too long man, never once thinking about the fact that there could definitely be so much better out there.

So, he’s practically buzzing with excitement the first time you guys have sex. He’ll be twitching like a madman, tics going into overdrive as absolute elation and desire courses through his veins.

You will have to verbally tell him to slow down multiple times, because he’ll be like a freight train just trying to get to the good part. Practically tearing your clothes off, trying to just trying to shove his cock into you without an ounce of prep.

This man has been so isolated he didn’t even watch porn before meeting you, he has NO clue what to do with no reference point to go off of. All he’s got for sexual experience is the few Playboy mags he snagged from a house he broke into.

You’ll have to teach him <3

Be patient, and go easy on the teasing - his ego is very easily bruised.

And he will be busting quick. Absolute two pump chump. But he will get better with time, obviously. It’s just the first time he sinks into your heat it’s the most indescribable pleasure. Absolute heaven. Easily the best thing he’s felt in his entire life, so you can’t really blame him for the way he’s gasping and moaning against your neck after only a few strokes.

He’s got stamina though, so he won’t be quitting after that don’t you worry. He’ll go for as long as it takes to figure out how to make you cum too.

Lucky for you, he’s a quick learner if you guide him, and he’ll mentally bookmark everything that makes you moan louder or twitch beneath him.

Once the first time is out of the way, he’s just as horny (if not more) as his memory having counterpart.

Because you’re telling him that was what he was missing out on??? Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell him??

Gotta make up for lost time! First few weeks of you properly dating will be marathon sex for days on end. He just can’t get enough of you. Never wants to get enough of you. Wants to try anything and everything, learning as he goes what he likes the best.

And what he likes the best, is being a subby little baby.

I KID but for real though, the kicker here is that this Toby would be way more of a sub than the other one I talked about.

All he does, all the time, is put on a strong face and work himself to the bone. It feels nice, to just shut his brain off and let you take the ropes for the most part.

And taking orders from you, feels so much better. Because they’re not things he has to do, they’re things he wants to do.

He loves when you’re on top, holding his chest down with one hand as you set the pace.

Loves to eat you out, loves it even more when you sit on his face.

Remember how I said you guys will fight a lot? Now is the time to get your frustrations out on him.

You can be mean, and he’ll just take it. Cockwarm him and refuse to move, swat his hands away when he tries to grab at your hips and force you to. Edge him. Make him cum untouched as you ride his tongue. Grind against his cock until he’s pleading you to just please let him inside you.

Knock him down a peg, he sure as hell needs it.

Outside of the bedroom, he’ll never admit how much he likes it, but you know. That pretty blush of his doesn’t lie, and if he really wanted to overpower you he definitely could.

He’s messy. Drooling, leaking tears when it gets to be almost too much.

And he’s loud. Like, not a fucking care in the world if someone might hear you. You’d have to literally gag him if you want him to quiet down.

(Which, he would also probably like).

Loves it when you mark him up, but you’ve got to get some in return too - matching hickeys so that everyone knows you’re together.

Like in the first part, sometimes you’ll wonder if he’s trying to literally consume you with how often he’s sinking his teeth into you - but the difference is, this time, he’s actually thinking about it.

He’s got cannibalistic tendencies on a day to day basis, so when his brain is all fogged up but lust and desire they just become worse.

He will bite too hard. Locking his jaw onto the muscles of your shoulder as he thinks about tearing away and pulling your flesh from bone.

He won’t… But he will come close.

Also, before you guys got together, remember how I said he’d steal pieces of your clothing? Yeah, it’s mostly panties. Used ones, if he’s lucky (he’s so nasty).

He’d have his nose buried in one pair while using another one to stroke his cock.

This is something that he will still do even after you start dating, especially if either of you are away on a mission for an extended period of time.

Only now he’ll actually return them to you - a smirk on his face as he slips the freshly stained garments back into your underwear drawer, hoping that maybe one morning you’ll slip them on without noticing.

okay! that’s all I have to say (finally). so…. pick your poison!

-

holy fucking shit I meant for this to just be a nice, easy to put together hc list that I could post while working on a full length fic.

nope. this took me half a week because I just kept going and going

sigh.

[muzansfangs]

Nsfw alphabet – the Salesman (letters f, k, q, t, w)

Starring: the Salesman x f!reader;

Format: head canons;

Warnings: nsfw, vaginal sex, creampie, unprotected sex, sadism, gagging, masturbation, public sex, toxic traits, humiliation, dacryphilia, spanking, impact playing, slapping, dom!salesman, sub!reader, gun playing, handcuffing, mention to pregnancy, anal sex;

Plot: some nsfw head canons about the Salesman aka the Recruiter, based on some letters of the alphabet;

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

The Salesman has manhandled you in positions you did not even think were humanly manageable. Out of them, however, the salesman loves to have you either on your hands and knees, head pressed down in the pillow, or the good old mating press.

You could say it depends mostly on his mood. If he keeps the eye-contact with you, he is feeling somewhat more romantic, more human. Even if his cock brushes against your cervix unforgivingly every now and then. Your legs, pressed to your chest, make you look vulnerable and he loves that.

And, damn, is he not talkative when he messes you up like that?

“Fuck, I was thinking that fucking you raw is like playing the Russian Roulette. If I hit the nail on the head, we are screwed” he growled next to your ear, not minding the risk of impregnating you.

If he encloses the back of your neck with his hand and pushes your face down on the mattress, my dear, he is going to ravage you until you are sore. But he loves the way your ass ripple with each brutal thrust he gives you. The words falling from his mouth are far less loving than the possibility of getting you pregnant.

“Slut, you’re dripping like a cat in heat”.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

This man probably has a tattoo somewhere on his body reciting ‘kinky bastard’ in capital letters. The first one is dacryphilia. To some extent, he may care for your well-being during sex. It is rough, mindblowing. Obviously, it leaves you shaking, copious tears streaming down your cheeks. You have no idea how hard he gets, when you sob underneath him, needy, hapless and on the brink of breaking down.

Spanking and face slapping are a must. He does not hit you as hard as he does to the potential players he meets at the station. However, he does not go easy on you. You are bruised, at the end of the day.

If he is upset, expect him to lure you to have some anal sex. Your whimpers when he stretch you out himself are a manna from heaven. Unfortunately, it may last not as long as it does when he is messying up your pussy. It is all about pain. The more desperate you are, the faster he spurts into you.

The mention of honor goes to gun play. He never tells you if it is really loaded, or not, when he presses it against your temple. What you know is that you are still alive.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Our dear recruiter is a busy man, especially when that time of the year comes. When he comes back home, it is so late you are already alseep. Do not think he would have remorses in waking you up, if he needs to fuck you dumb, because he would.

The thing is he needs to rest too. Quickies are not his thing, but they are necessary. He is a sneaky bastard, not sticking to have them early in the morning, or when he is about to leave.

He may stalk you down the streets, easily becoming your shadow until you end up nearing an alley. My dear, this is when he clasps his hand over your mouth and shoves you against the wall. You are used to his antics by now. You do not feel ashame to walk off with a limp, afterwards. Not anymore, at least.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

This man has probably owns an arsenal of toys. And, no, we are not talking about his weapons. He is not the type to indulge in plain vanilla sex. There is always going to be some kind of an object among the bedsheets, when he pins you underneath him and reels at the lewd faces you make for him.

He is a sadist inclined to use the toys on his favorite victim: you.

Do not be surprised, if he handcuffs you to the bedpost, or involves ropes in the particularly intense sessions awaiting for you, when he had a bad day. You cry out in pleasure and pain and it is irking him? Fine. Gags it is.

He sees you as a small pet eager to please him. Drool for him, whilst he uses nipple clamps on your already sensitive buds. If you wince, when he is deep inside of you, he may just shoot his load deep in your bowels. Nothing excites him more than your teary eyes and wobbling lower lip.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He is definitely territorial. His jealousy takes over easily and, along with hickeys hard, if not impossible, to camouflage with a scarf and some make up, he jerks off with your panties. He does not see the necessity to make you wear your now cum-covered underwear, if he is by your side, though.

Yet, expect him to demand you to parade around the city, unable to hide the squelching sounds of your thighs brushing together, when the cum seeps from the fabric and stains the inside of your legs, if you are going out alone. Your boss, your friends, the men you cross paths with throughout the day, well, they just have to know you have a boyfriend and that you comply to his excessively unhinged and demeaning requests to please him.

When you reunite at home, he expects you to sit on his lap and narrate the mortifying experience of talking to strangers, or coworkers whilst entirely soaked and smelling of his semen.

Author note.

Hello there! This is my first time writing for the Squid Game fandom. Hopefully, I did not disappoint the audience! Let’s just say that my brainrot for this man was eating me alive and I had to write a little something for him. Your impressions and comments are greatly appreciated!

Love,

– Luce

[maruflix]

BOYS BEWARE! #variouscharacters #windbreaker #f!reader

the boys know that you are the town’s most notorious heartbreaker. it would be stupid for them to involve themselves with you. it’s not like they didn’t know that they’re sharing you with their own friends— but damn you look fine. / REQ.

feat. sakura, suo, kaji, umemiya, togame, endo, takiishi　　⎯⎯　wc. 4.1k

content: female reader, REVERSE HAREM, reader is a heartbreaker, pre-established relationship, they fall in love first, they fall in love harder, reader is either toxic or playful depending on how you look at it, OKAY READER IS KINDA TOXIC, this is a brainrot and a passion project god bless whoever sent this request, no beta we die like my hopes and dreams

SAKURA HARUKA -> MET A BOY FROM OUTTA TOWN...

Sakura doesn’t know how to express his emotions, so he usually lets them rot and die inside him, preferring to ignore them until they disappear.

He never succeeds to do so whenever you come around. All it takes is one smile. One smile from you and he’s completely defenseless at your mercy.

“I-is this guy bothering you?” Sakura’s attempt to sound gruff seems to fool the dumbass who thinks he’s got a chance with you. He eyes down the weak looking eyesore who kept bothering you since five minutes ago. The pathetic creature couldn’t even look him in the eye.

You flash him a smile. That damn smile. He feels like he’s going to choke.

“He is!” you sigh, tugging the sleeve of his jacket, “Are you here on patrol?”

The weakling knows to make himself scarce, leaving Sakura standing alone with you. He hopes you can’t hear his heart thundering inside his ribcage.

“Yes. I came to give you this.” He clumsily hands you a small box of your favorite cake, almost dropping it in the process and quickly adding, “I-I accidentally bought extra!”

You’re now blinking your gorgeous eyes, surprised, but reach out to take it anyway. “Oh, Haruka-kun! You’re so thoughtful!”

The way his name rolls out your tongue makes him go insane.

“Thank you! You’re the best!” Giggling, you hug his arm, accidentally brushing your head against his shoulder..

Just when he’s about to ask you if you had any plans that weekend, he sees that your line of vision has shifted away from him. He follows it to see Suo standing a couple feet away, smiling.

Oh.

He looks down to see you already smiling up at him like nothing happened. “Anyway, I’ll see you around, Haruka-kun! Maybe we can watch a movie together this weekend?”

His heart leaps; so you also want to spend more time with him! He’s just about to say that he’d really, really want that— but you’re already slipping away from his grasp into the direction of his best friend.

You turn your head once more to look at him, “Text me!” before skipping away.

It’s okay, Sakura convinces himself, I’ll definitely text you first.

The warmth of you still lingers on his arm.

SUO HAYATO -> I HELD THE KNIFE BUT YOU HAD THE GUN

Why does Suo still waste his time with you?

He wonders the same thing when he stares at you, eating in front of him.

You eat without a care in the world. Then again, you never seem to care about anything. He just wishes that you’d care about him more. What did you think he was going to feel when he sees you in the arms of Sakura freaking Haruka in the middle of the day? But then again, it’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything, so it’s not like he had a say—

“Hayato-kun, aren’t you gonna eat?”

Suo blinks, looking down at his half-eaten salad. He’s supposed to be on a diet, but he’d gladly eat a five course meal if it meant being able to spend time with you. “Sorry!” he smiles, “I was too busy staring at you, it seems!” Other people would’ve gotten flustered with his teasing. Suo knows he’s handsome and talks well.

“Oh?” you tilt your head, “do I look pretty today? You’ve been staring a lot~”

Suo’s gaze snaps back to you, his heart skipping a beat. He instantly regrets it when he sees you smiling at him teasingly, a lock of hair falling in front of your face perfectly.

“Very.” he breathes out, brushing your hair away from your face. Hoping that it’d be enough to finally fluster you. Hoping that he can finally win against you for once.

He didn’t expect you to blush. The red tinting your cheeks makes you glow. “Hayato-kun, a surprise attack like that is not fair..”

Suo feels like he’s finally reclaiming himself. Redeeming himself from the devil that is you. Feeling brave, he moves his hand to rest on top of yours, not missing the way your eyes widen ever so slightly. Maybe, maybe....

“What..?”

“It’s my birthday this week.” He starts, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, “do you have any plans?”

In truth, he knows that you already plan on spending the weekend with Kaji Ren (how can he not know, when Kaji blabs to everyone about it?) but he wonders if you’ll choose to be with him instead. He tried not to be desperate but he already knew there’s no fooling you, not when the corners of your lips lift ever so slightly—

“Oh, really?!”

He can see that the gears in your brain are turning, your pretty eyes flitting across the room to find an excuse. Still, the enthusiasm in your voice left him hoping.

“I forgot! You know how bad I am with my own schedule..”

Suo exhales, trying not to look disappointed.

“But I’ll definitely cancel them to give you a surprise party!” You pull his hands to hold them tight, a serious look on your face, “Wait. It’s not a surprise if I tell you beforehand, is it?”

The twinkle in your eyes makes Suo wonder if you’ve expected this test. He may have won this fight, but he’s destined to lose the war. There’s just no winning against you.

Even so, he has won this fight... and he couldn’t bring himself to care about anything else.

KAJI REN -> YOU CHEW MY HEART LIKE BUBBLEGUM !

Kaji tries to not go overboard, but he did anyway.

He’s tailored the hangout to your exact liking, booking everything two weeks in advance, making you squeal in joy when he tells you that he secured a spot in that hip new café that you keep eyeing during walks.

So when you fail to show up, Kaji knew that it was because of another man. He may be oblivious sometimes but he’s not stupid. There’s no way you cancelled on him last minute to feed your grandma’s cat. Your grandma died two months ago for God’s sake.

That’s why he’s steeled his heart to finally break away from your grasp. He can’t keep hurting himself and hoping you’d finally see him as your only love. He’s not stupid.

“I’m sorry, Ren-kun... you’re still mad at me, aren’t you?”

He refuses to look at you, knowing that he’d fold the instant he sees those gorgeous eyes.

“I messed up.. I have no excuse..”

“Why?” he asks, demands for you to say it with your own mouth. Say that you chose another man over him.

“Okay. I’ll tell you the truth.” You bent down to look at him, unrelenting even when he stares at you coldly, “It was Hayato-kun’s birthday yesterday. I threw him a surprise party with Haruka-kun and Nirei-kun.”

There’s a rare sincerity in your words, a fragile honesty that makes him both relieved and forlorn. “Thank you for telling the truth.” He didn’t want you to see him cry, so he gets up and starts to walk away.

“Wait! Ren-kun!” You call after him, making him walk faster. His eyes are already starting to burn. He had wanted you to tell him the truth, so why does it still hurt this much?

“Oof!”

The sudden thud makes him stop dead in his tracks. The unmistakable sound of a crash. He spins around, seeing you bent over on the ground, holding your knee. His heart drops, already forgetting the reason he walked away in the first place.

“Why are you so clumsy?!” He chides, squatting down next to you. The red in your knee is starting to drip down to your ankle. Guilt bubbles up in his throat, blocking his airway. You’re bleeding because of him.

“Sorry, I can’t even walk right..” you’re still smiling even when tears are streaming down your face. Even then, you look radiant.

“Climb up.” He offers his back, almost losing his mind from the guilt and worry.

“I can’t receive any more of your kindness,” your voice is small behind him, “I’m a horrible friend..”

Kaji wants to yell at you to prioritize yourself more, to tell you that he’ll probably sulk for a day before returning to you with a wagging tail— but all his words get caught in his throat when he sees you crying.

What can he do, except pull you into his embrace?

You melt almost instantly, sobbing apologies after apologies.

What can he do, except tell you that it doesn’t matter and he’s the one at fault?

Fuck it. He is stupid, he is dumb— and he will continue to be, if it means being able to hold you in his arms.

UMEMIYA HAJIME -> SHE MAKES THEM FALL DOWN TO THEIR KNEES AND CRY

Umemiya thinks that he has an advantage over the other guys that flock to you.

When you had a bad day and snap at him, he pats your head and listens to your problems. When he saw you laughing with Endo and Takiishi, he turns a blind eye. When you tell him you suddenly felt like hanging out with Togame, there’s a prick in his heart, but even so, he understands.

He’s very mature and mentally stable. No amount of cancelling plans and harsh words and flirting with other boys can faze him. He thought that those qualities would make you love him more— but he is so sorely mistaken.

“Is something on your mind?” Umemiya bends down slightly but you look away, your lips pursed into a tight line. He rubs your hair, knowing how much you love headpats, but all he got is an annoyed huff.

He’s terrified now.

“What’s wrong?” He can no longer hide the panic in his voice.

Finally, you look at him.

“You don’t love me.”

Your accusation makes him want to die. How can you say that he doesn’t love you when he has fought all his jealousy and killed all his pride?

Umemiya leads you to a nearby bench and kneels down to your height, trying to use the cold ground as a way to cool his beating heart, “Why do you say that?”

You’re twirling a lock of hair now, something you always do when you’re annoyed. “Do you even want to be with me? It’s like you’re just hanging out with me to pass time. Do you even care?”

Your words seem so straightforward, yet Umemiya still doesn’t understand. Whatever did he do that can possibly translate to such a baseless statement?

“I didn’t know that you’re not on good terms with Endo and Takiishi. I look like a bad friend. You don’t even care who I’m hanging out with.”

But Umemiya does care. He cares so much about who you’re hanging out with that he secretly tells the guys to go on patrols whenever you come to visit him, knowing that you’ll definitely get distracted otherwise. He cares so much that he tells Takiishi Chika to stay the hell away from you, causing him to get into a full blown fight. He cares.

“I do.” He frowns, “If I tell you I’m a jealous person, what will you do?”

He merely wanted to punish you a bit for doubting his affections. Someone as kind as you would definitely get flustered when he says something so out of character.

But when he glances at you, you look at him straight in the eyes.

“I will be happy,” The light from the lamppost casts a warm glow over your face, “because finally, you’re being honest with me.”

Umemiya doesn’t know what he’s feeling. Your words are so kind, so you, but it’s like alarm bells are going off inside his head.

“I like it when Hajime-kun is jealous. In fact, I like all of Hajime-kun’s qualities.” Your hand is now tangled in his hair, caressing them softly.

It’s scary how your touch silences all his doubts and makes him putty in your hands. He breathes out a sigh of relief and leans into your touch, knowing that he found favor in your eyes again. “Okay. Okay. I am jealous. Don’t hate me because of that..”

He looks up to see you smiling and a chill runs down his spine.

If you want him to beg, he will beg. If you want him to cry, he will cry. He might try not to show it, but heaven knows he will move hell to be with you.

TOGAME JO -> MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’VE BECOME INSANE.

Being a Shishitoren second-in-command makes Togame unable to spend as much time with you as he’d like.

You live in Makochi, so naturally you’re friends with the Furin boys. Normally, he’d feel relieved that you have other people to protect you from rival gangs when he’s not around, but he only now realizes how close you actually are with Bofurin.

It was supposed to be a surprise. He didn’t tell you that he’s visiting, hoping to catch you off guard when he suddenly drops by. Instead, it was you who caught him off guard.

Togame watches mutely as Umemiya pats your head, hearing the sound of his own heart breaking. The two of you doesn’t seem to realize that he’s standing right there. Like a fool.

“Oh? Togame-kun, you’re here!”

How? How can you sound so.. unbothered? He doesn’t even know what kind of expression is on his face right now.

Umemiya is looking at him without an ounce of guilt. Wait, has he been the fool all along? Has he always been second string? Togame’s head is full of thoughts, none of them good. Oh God, what should he do?

“Togame-kun? Are you okay?”

Your voice is inquisitive, innocent. He is brought back to reality when you grip his shoulder. He looks at you, standing on your tippy toes, your eyes wide and searching.

“You... him..”

“Hm?” As if reminded, you look at Umemiya. “Well, you didn’t tell me you were coming, so I had Hajime-kun walk me home! Uh, but since you’re here...”

Umemiya smiles. Tight. Togame knows that he will probably get a beating if you’re not there. But you are. And Umemiya Hajime relents.

“Right! We can walk home tomorrow. It’s not like everyday Togame visits!” Umemiya’s voice is cheery but the icy undertones is clear.

Don’t you dare make this an everyday occurence.

When Umemiya disappears, Togame lets you pull him with you, still at a loss for words.

“Sooo, what brought you here?” You seem so happy to see him... as if he didn’t just catch you with another man. “Oh, I just realized you have your hair tied! You look good! I like you better this way, I think!”

“Are you... going out with Umemiya Hajime?” Like a fool, that is the only thing can he can say.

You blink at him in surprise, like he just asked you if elephants could fly. Was he not supposed to ask? It’s not like he’s your boyfriend or anything... but you told him you love him.

“I...”

Your laugh interrupts his train of thought. “Of course not, silly!” It seems like his question is so funny that you’re actually doubling over and smacking his arm. “Oh, Togame-kun. Are you jealous?”

Are you seriously asking him that right now?

He’s not jealous. He’s furious.

“Maybe?”

“Aww, you’re so cute! And kinda naive, but like in a really cute way!” You’re resting your head on his arm now, hugging it as the two of you continue walking, “Me and Hajime-kun, we’re just friends! You can ask him if you want!”

Togame doesn’t know what to say. He feels stupid. Maybe he’s just not used to having female friends who’s also friends with other guys. “Why do you call him by his first name?”

You stop walking, causing him to pause too. “Oh my God!” Feeling you pull his arm, Togame turns to look at you. “Togame-kun, you’re totally jealous! That’s so cute! Is it because I don’t call you by your first name?”

Yes. Yes, it is. Why would you say you love him and call another guy by his first name? But now that Togame hears himself, he wonders if he’s just being crazy. He’s ashamed of himself now.

“Don’t sulk like that, Jo-kun. I was too shy to call you so intimately, you know!”

Togame feels like he’s being pacified... but he doesn’t hate it. He pulls you closer to him, engulfing you in a side hug, letting you nuzzle up to him. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I don’t really care.”

He feels crazy. Seeing you with another man brought him to the edge of insanity. Luckily, Togame is not someone who backs down so easily. He watches you laughing and wonders when you’ll finally realize his feelings.

Maybe if he deals with Umemiya Hajime, you’ll finally be his and his alone?

ENDO YAMATO -> DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU

From the start, Endo can see that you and him are similar.

The two of you hide behind smiles, faking feelings until you lose track of what you actually feel. Trying to put a brave front and succeeding so much that everyone thinks you’re a self-obsessed, entitled brat with the ego of Mount Fuji.

Maybe he’s so full of himself that he sees so much of himself in you and he falls in love.

Despairingly.

Because you immediately call him out on his feelings, warning him that you don’t feel the same way.

Perhaps he truly is so sure of himself because he tells you that he will wait for you, however long it takes. As if waiting for you can make you love him.

“You’re hurt again!” Is the first thing you say when Endo walks to you today. Your eyebrows are immediately scrunched, eyes glowing in worry.

When he’s hurt, he feels like he’s the only one in your eyes.

You carefully examine the gash on his arm, delicately tracing the ends of the wound. Endo winces a bit. “Does that hurt? I’ll get a first aid kit.”

Endo watches in awe as your fingers move quickly, dressing his wound with the finesse of a nurse. You don’t catch him staring, too busy on your handiwork. On him.

“Thanks. You didn’t have to.” He says, hoping you’ll say otherwise.

“Mhm. But I did.”

“So why did you?” Endo feels like an attention-seeking child.

You close the first aid kit and look at him, sighing. “Because I care about you.”

His eyes must’ve glimmered with hope, because you quickly added, “You get hurt a lot, so I worry about you.”

“It’s because.. my head is not at the right place today.” Oh, he’s so desperate to get you to pay attention to him.

Who cares if he purposefully angers Chika? Maybe one of these days you’ll catch the guy beating him to a pulp with your own eyes and you’ll stop spending so much time with that devil. Who cares if he let Chika throw that punch? The more cuts he has, the better. That means you’ll spend more time dressing him up.

“What’s wrong?”

Endo shakes his head. “You won’t understand.”

He has long learned that you never back down from a challenge.

“Really? Try me.”

See? Endo smiles, “What do you do when you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back?”

There’s an indecipherable emotion in your eyes.

“What do you do...” Endo muses, “when you’ve tried to forget about this person, but you can’t?” He lets you hold his hand, inching closer to lean on you for comfort, “I think I love her with every fibre of my being.”

“Maybe someday she’ll return your feelings too.”

Endo closes his eyes and smiles. You spew out such beautiful lies, he fears he’ll start to believe them soon. “I hope so.”

“Yamato-kun. If someday...” your voice wavers, “if someday I were to return your feelings, would you still accept me?”

You know just how to play with his heart. Even so, he will take any chance that he gets. He grips your shoulders, staring into your eyes unblinkingly. “Yes. I told you I’ll wait.”

“Really?”

“How do you want me to prove it to you?”

You gaze at him. “Kiss me.”

Endo wants to cry. What is this game you’re playing now? Do you want to make sure he will never move on from you? To make sure he is so in love with you that he will do anything for you without hesitation? How much crueler can you be?

And how stupid is he?

He moves slowly, making sure that you’re not going to take back what you said. All you do is look at him with expectant eyes, not moving from your position, daring him to actually do it.

So Endo kisses you. And whatever doubts he has about his relationship with you disappears into thin air. All his rationale goes flying out the window. The electricity he feels when his lips move against yours can light a whole city.

You’re the first one to pull away, leaving him gazing at you helplessly.

“I’ll do it however many times you want.”

You merely smile in reply.

Well, you did warn him. But when has Endo ever let a warning stop him? You’re so heart-wrenchingly beautiful that even when the consequences of his actions leave him dying from a broken heart, Endo doesn’t think he will ever regret his choices.

TAKIISHI CHIKA -> SHE MAKES THE DEVIL WET HIS BED AT NIGHTTIME !

Takiishi isn’t used to chasing after people.

Even now, he tries not to show you how much he likes you. He knows you’re a sadist; he’s not blind to the long line of guys that you have left begging on their knees... and how you revel at their tears.

But Takiishi just can’t control himself when you get friendly with other guys. He knows that sometimes you do it purposefully. Why, he has no idea. Maybe you want to remind him that you’re able to leave him anytime, that he should stay on his knees for you.

Even without you testing him, Takiishi will always spend his lifetime begging for a fraction of your affection. He doesn’t care about what he has to do as long as he can be with you.

“Chika-kun.”

He already knows what you’re going to say next. “You know why I beat the shit out of him.” He states, getting up from his seat. “He loves it when you take care of his injuries. You know that.”

You sigh and close the door behind you. “Perhaps. Does that anger you?”

Takiishi wonders why you like to test his patience. No matter what you do, he can never bring himself to hurt you. He can’t even say anything that might offend you.

“Why do you not like me?” Takiishi questions, “Yet, you still linger around me. Why?”

He doesn’t even dare to slam the wall next to you, opting instead to cage you with his arms.

“Who says I don’t like you?”

“You..”

“I like you, Chika-kun.” There’s sincerity in your voice, but you’re not done. “It’s just that.. I also like Yamato-kun, Hajime-kun—”

“Stop.” Takiishi growls, “Do you want me to beat all of them to a pulp? You know that’s what I will do every time you say their name in my presence.”

“And give Yamato-kun another reason to spend more time with me? Make me visit Hajime-kun until his wounds are completely healed? Because you know they will let you throw that punch,” you whisper in his ear sweetly, “so I can take pity on them.”

Takiishi wants to scream, but no sound came out.

“But you will always win, Chika-kun. You’re the strongest fighter, after all. With no wound to dress, who will take pity on you?”

God, you’re mean today.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what he did, or what to say. He just wants you to stop being so cruel.

You laugh. “Why are you sorry?”

“I don’t know. Anything. Everything.”

Finally deciding to take pity on him, you hug him, feeling his arms immediately snaking around your waist to pull your closer. You let him rest his chin on top of your head.

“Oh, Chika-kun. How can I ever leave you?”

“Don’t.”

If anyone were to see the Takiishi Chika, speaking so softly and acting so defeated, his reputation would’ve crumbled to the ground. Thankfully you’re not just anyone— you’re the only weakness he has, the one thing he will never let go.

No matter how bloody his hands get, he will make sure to take care of your long line of guys so that he will be the last man standing.

[uyuforu]

❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。 ༻ Astro Observations XI ༺ ❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。

All pictures were found on Pinterest

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Union Asteroid in Natal Chart

જ⁀➴ Groom/ Briede/ Juno Aspects in Natal Chart

જ⁀➴ Astro Observations X

❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。

READINGS BOOKING OPEN

email adress: tarotjunoboda@gmail.com

Soft To You presentation and Q&A ᡣ𐭩 rules ᡣ𐭩 private readings reviews

astrology menu ᡣ𐭩 tarot menu ᡣ𐭩 special astrology & tarot readings

Tip Jar: paypal ⟡ buy me a coffee

⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ Natal Chart

❀ I read somewhere that Aries Rising often ignore people, even the closest people. My sister does that often, and she is also Aries Rising. ❀

❀ Also, the Rising sign and degree can say often how you look, your appearance but don't forget planets and other placements in your 1H! ❀

❀ Moreover, the Ruler of your Rising can also tell a lot about your appearance, meaning the sign and house placements of your Ruler. ❀

❀ I also noticed that whenever the Sun or Venus was transiting my 1H I was changing something on my appearance. It can also just be me adopting a new way to do my hair or my make up, etc. ❀

❀ Having Aries Descendant is a sign you'll have a spouse who will make you realize you are too nice, you are too generous with others, and they will teach you it's okay to tell people to go f*ck themselves. ❀

❀ Men who have Virgo Rising are the finest in my opinion, perhaps because I'm Virgo Venus but girl they are just so neat and take care of themselves so much, it's so refreshing. ❀

❀ Moreover, Virgo Rising men often age like fine wine. Their hot era is never ending. Just take Benjamin Bratt as an example. ❀

❀ If Pluto transiting your Natal Chart will give you clarity over which house it transits, and it will also be a huge transformation in it. I have it in my 4H, and I can tell you I see my family differently and learn a lot of hidden things. It hits like a b*tch. ❀

❀ Can we stop generalizing MC signs ? Cancer MC doesn't mean necessarily the person will do a job related to taking care of others. The sign over your MC is often a way to describe your needs in a career, but the planets in the 10h and the sign it is in matters, AND the ruler of the 10H as well. ❀

❀ Saturn conjunct Juno often means you'll marry your destined person later in life, and you could also meet later in life as well. ❀

❀ Juno conjunct Chiron is a sign your FS is wounded, in depression, or that they will need to heal to be with you. Being with your Future Spouse could also require a lot of sacrifices. ❀

❀ 4H Ruler in 7H people could often depend on their partner emotionally. They can also be the kind of person to want to only settle down with a partner. ❀

❀ Saturn 7H can have the same effect as Venus conjunct Saturn , you could have a delay in your love life, or find yourself having many lessons about it. You could have to live some failed relationships or romantic interactions in your early life, yet perhaps around your Saturn Return, you could have a better and long lasting love life. ❀

❀ Jupiter conjunct Saturn 7H could mean a delay in your marriage, perhaps marrying close to your 30's, but it could also mean after being married, your life will be very good, and you'll gain a lot because of marriage, and perhaps a lot of knowledge and wisdom as well. ❀

❀ I feel like even if you try hard, you'll never really know someone with Sun 8H/12H. They are quite good at showing exactly what they want you to see. ❀

⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ Synastry

❀ Rising conjunct Venus often means Venus person will think Rising person is their ideal type. ❀

❀ I often found that when it's not a romantic connection, Sun in 7H Synastry is not a good relationship, yet often a toxic one. Sun person can tend to hate 7H person. ❀

❀ I feel like 2H, 6H & 10H are really underrated houses in Synastry. I think it's really good to have those houses, mostly if big 3 are there. ❀

❀ Sun conjunct Venus often makes the Sun person think Venus person is very attractive. They could also find Venus very charming and their type. ❀

❀ I often saw Juno 1H Synastry when there was love at first sight between two people. Often Juno person having love at first sight for 1H person. ❀

❀ Venus/ Juno/ Jupiter is very beneficial for "finding the house person good looking", and often if you have those planets in someone's 1H or conjunct their Rising, they will be your type. ❀

❀ Every time I had a friend who wanted to befriend me and who was also someone I got along with so much, they have a Stellium in my 11H. ❀

❀ Sun 12H Synastry can possibly make the 12H person forget about you often. ❀

❀ In some relationships, Venus in the 12H can say that 12H person doesn't feel the love Venus person try to give them, and could also feel unloved. ❀

❀ Moon conjunct Saturn can also be that Moon person feel totally misunderstood by Saturn person, or they could feel judged often by Saturn person. ❀

❀ Mars 3H can mean Mars person can often know the right words to hurt 3H person, they can speak to them in a harsh way as well. ❀

❀ Sometimes 12H placements aren't that bad, so take it with a grain of salt. For example, my mother has a Stellium in my 12H, and we are very connected. ❀

❀ Sun conjunct Jupiter often makes the two natives adore each other, they often get along very well, laugh together but also they often share the same opinion. Jupiter person often teach a lot of valuable lessons to Sun person. ❀

❀ Chiron conjunct Moon often means Chiron person will hurt Moon's feelings. I have this aspect with my uncle, he often is harsh with his words. I was scared of him when I was little. ❀

❀ Sun 8H can mean 8H person can feel like Sun person doesn't like them. ❀

❀ Moon 12H in Synastry can often tell us that Moon person will struggle to say to 12H person how they feel, or often share personal things about them. Though, it can also be a sign of deep spiritual connection. ❀

Thank you for reading!

Tip Jar: paypal ⟡ buy me a coffee

back to index ; ask ; request ; rules

[cloudyluun]

The Cost of Keeping You | ceo!harry

Summary: Working for Harry Styles—CEO of Styles Enterprises and unofficial tyrant of the twentieth floor—was never Y/N’s dream. But rent waits for no one. She can handle his cold glares, biting remarks, and soul-sucking silence. Until one day, she can’t. After a brutal insult that hits too close to home, Y/N walks out with her head high and her heart bruised. Harry? He pretends not to care. Until he does.

Now, months later, Harry finds himself unraveling in the quiet she left behind—and he’ll have to decide if he’s ready to face the mess he made… and the woman he might’ve lost forever.

A/N: This fic (based on this request) is for the girlies who love their men mean, miserable, and emotionally repressed 💅 If you’ve ever daydreamed about quitting your toxic job with a dramatic one-liner and having your jerk of a boss realize he’s in love with you months later? Yeah. This one’s for you.

Pour a glass of wine, light a candle, and prepare for CEOrry to suffer

Word Count: 6,6k

Warnings: 

Verbal/emotional mistreatment in the workplace (from Harry)

Power imbalance (acknowledged & explored)

Burnout / stress / overwork

Angsty emotionally stunted man

Soul-crushing insult that will make you gasp and clutch your pearls

Groveling (delicious)

Optional heartbreak depending on chosen ending

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

She never planned to stay this long.

The job was supposed to be temporary—a stopgap while she figured things out. Rent in the city wasn’t kind, and freelance gigs didn’t always pay on time. When she landed the executive assistant position at Styles Global, she told herself she’d give it six months. Just enough time to build some savings, maybe line up something closer to her skill set. Something less soul-sucking.

That was two years ago.

Now, she moved through the sleek glass hallways like a ghost in heels, always present, always poised, and always one misstep away from being on the receiving end of another of Harry Styles’ famously cold tirades.

To the rest of the office, he was a legend. A force of nature. They called him “Hurricane Styles” behind his back, though most were too afraid to say it above a whisper. He had built the company from nothing, turned every risk into a win, turned bloodless strategy into an art form. Investors adored him. Board members feared him. And employees? They tried not to make eye contact.

She knew the rules. Never speak unless spoken to. Never offer ideas—he’d either steal them or shoot them down just to remind you who had the power. And never, ever expect gratitude. Harry didn’t say thank you. He said “Fix this.” He said “Again.” He said “Why is this taking so long?”

She’d learned early on not to take it personally. The key was to treat it like weather. Unpleasant, unpredictable, but not about her. She could withstand a storm. She just hadn’t realized how long this one would last.

By month three, she had his routines memorized—his preferred coffee order (black, no sugar, 8:04 a.m. sharp), how he liked his reports formatted (12-point font, single-spaced, no cover page), the names he forgot during meetings (which was most of them). She kept his world running so smoothly that no one noticed the machinery behind it.

That was the way he liked it.

Still, some days, she couldn’t help but feel like she was slowly disappearing. Her friends stopped inviting her out after she bailed on too many Friday dinners. Her fridge was stocked with takeout containers she barely remembered ordering. She ate lunch at her desk, dinner on the train, and sometimes forgot breakfast entirely. Sleep came in fits. Her eyes were ringed in fatigue, her jaw clenched more often than not.

But she showed up. Every morning, polished and precise, like clockwork.

And Harry treated her like she was interchangeable.

“This font is wrong,” he’d say, flipping the folder back toward her without looking up.

“It’s the one you asked for.”

“Well, it’s wrong now.”

He never looked her in the eye unless he was correcting her. He never said her name unless it was followed by a command. Some days, she wondered if he even knew anything about her beyond what was in her HR file.

But she didn’t crack. Not outwardly. She met his coldness with calm, his dismissals with measured silence. Let him feel like he had the upper hand. That was how you survived here. She wasn’t trying to win him over. She was just trying to stay standing.

That morning started like any other. Rain slicked the pavement outside the 52nd Street building. She beat him to the office, as usual, lights already on, coffee already waiting. She sat at her desk just outside his door, skimming through emails, flagging the ones that needed his attention, deleting the ones that didn’t. Her phone buzzed. Another meeting pushed back. She adjusted his calendar accordingly.

“Morning,” came a voice from behind her.

She looked up. Theo, one of the junior project managers, stood there holding a report.

“Hey,” she said, managing a small smile.

He lowered his voice, leaning in conspiratorially. “You know, I think you might actually be a wizard.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“No, seriously,” he said. “The guy’s a nightmare, but you—you handle him like it’s nothing. You’re the only one who can.”

She snorted under her breath, shaking her head. “Trust me. It’s not magic. It’s caffeine and pure survival instinct.”

“I still think you deserve a raise. Or hazard pay.”

She didn’t say anything, just turned back to her screen. But the compliment—simple, sincere—sat heavy in her chest like a secret. She couldn’t remember the last time someone said something nice to her in this building.

Behind her, the door creaked open.

Theo straightened instantly. “Morning, Mr. Styles.”

Harry didn’t respond. Just walked past them, into his office, and shut the door with that sharp, final click that always made her stomach knot.

She went back to work. Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Then—

“Y/N.”

His voice, clipped and cold.

She stepped into his office, notepad in hand.

He didn’t look up from his screen. “Why did I just overhear you chatting with one of the junior staff?”

She blinked. “He had a report you needed to see. He also—”

“—was wasting your time,” Harry cut in, finally meeting her gaze. His eyes were unreadable. “You’re not here to make friends.”

Her jaw tensed. “I wasn’t.”

He stood then, slow and deliberate, walking around his desk until they stood a few feet apart.

“If this,” he said, gesturing vaguely toward her notepad, her schedule, her entire existence, “is your best, then maybe you should stick to fetching coffee. You're not irreplaceable.”

The words landed like a slap. Not loud, not violent—just surgical in their precision. She stared at him, willing herself not to react. Not to flinch.

Instead, she swallowed hard, nodded once, and left the room.

Back at her desk, she sat perfectly still.

It wasn’t the first time he’d belittled her. But this one felt different. It wasn’t just that he was cruel. It was that he’d said it so easily. As if she was nothing. As if all the late nights and early mornings, all the silent sacrifices, all the ways she kept him afloat… meant nothing.

And he hadn’t even thought twice.

She worked through lunch. Didn’t speak to anyone the rest of the day. Just kept her head down, her expression blank, her hands steady. But inside, something had shifted. Something small, but irreversible.

He thought she was replaceable.

He was going to find out how wrong he was.

The next morning, she arrived at her usual time—fifteen minutes before anyone else. The office was quiet, still soaked in early dawn light. The floor-to-ceiling windows reflected a city still rubbing sleep from its eyes. She sat at her desk, logged in, and started moving pieces around on his schedule like nothing had changed.

Except everything had.

Her spine was straighter. Her eyes sharper. She wasn't angry. Not exactly. Anger was too loud, too hot. What she felt was colder, deeper—an indifference blooming like frostbite. She had nothing left to prove. And for the first time, she could see the finish line. She just hadn’t decided when she’d cross it.

Harry didn’t notice at first.

He breezed in just before 8:15, late by his standards, muttering about a traffic delay, waving off the coffee she still—out of sheer habit—had waiting for him. She took notes in a meeting, filed reports, arranged travel for a business trip he wasn’t even sure he wanted to take. It was routine, rote. The same grind she’d mastered over the last two years.

But Harry wasn’t stupid. And despite his best efforts to act otherwise, he noticed things.

He noticed that she didn’t offer him her usual rundown of the day’s meetings. Didn’t preemptively print the documents he’d need before his 10 a.m. Didn’t even ask if he wanted lunch or if she should push back his next call when the morning ran long.

Instead, she moved like a ghost—silent, efficient, detached.

And it irritated the hell out of him.

By the third day of this quiet withdrawal, he found himself pacing behind his desk after everyone had gone, a file open in front of him that he couldn’t bring himself to read. His office was too quiet. The desk outside his door was empty. She’d left promptly at five, like clockwork. No late-night filing, no quiet hum of her music spilling from her earbuds, no light footsteps when she brought him coffee after hours just because she knew he hadn’t eaten.

It wasn’t just her silence. It was her absence, even when she was still here.

The power imbalance he’d once leaned on so comfortably had shifted. And he didn’t know what to do with it.

So, naturally, he got meaner.

It started with nitpicks. “This margin is off.” “You didn’t bcc the right name.” “I said tomorrow, not Thursday.” All minor things—some imagined—but each said with increasing venom.

She didn’t react. Not really. Just fixed it and moved on. Which made him feel even more off-balance.

Then came the mistake.

It wasn’t even a big one. A slide title on the wrong deck. A single date typo buried in a footnote. But it was during a high-stakes pitch meeting—one he was already on edge about. The room was packed: department heads, a few investors, his second-in-command, and of course, her. Standing just to the side, laptop in hand, managing the screen.

He was presenting. She was supporting. It was a rhythm they knew by heart.

Until her voice broke in, gentle but confident. “Just to clarify, that figure includes Q3 projections, not finalized Q2 numbers.”

He turned slowly.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

She blinked. “You mentioned the quarterly report. I just wanted to clarify—”

“I know what I said,” he snapped. “What I don’t understand is why you’re talking like you have any authority to speak in this room.”

The silence that followed was suffocating.

Someone coughed. A chair creaked.

She stared at him. The warmth drained from her face like a switch had flipped.

He wasn’t done.

“You’re here to run slides and take notes. Not to correct me mid-pitch. If I wanted your input, I’d have asked for it. Stick to what you’re paid for.”

She said nothing. Just nodded once and backed off.

The presentation ended five minutes later, stiff and awkward. As the room cleared, he caught a few sidelong glances, a few too-quiet murmurs. But he didn’t care. He was still buzzing with that adrenaline of dominance, the way he always did after asserting control. It was familiar. Automatic.

But when he stepped into his office and saw her already there, standing near his desk, arms folded, expression unreadable—something in him pulled tight.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it.

“I just corrected the slide title,” she said. “You had the wrong quarter listed. It wasn’t to embarrass you.”

He shrugged, brushing past her toward his desk. “Then maybe next time you’ll think before you speak.”

She didn’t move. “You know, I’ve put up with a lot. The mood swings. The condescension. The hours.”

He looked up, something cold flashing behind his eyes. “Is there a point to this?”

“Yes,” she said. “There is.”

Her voice was steady. Calm. But there was a crack in it now—a fracture held together by sheer will.

He smiled. But it wasn’t kind. “Do you really think you matter here? You’re just another name on the payroll. Don’t mistake necessity for value.”

That was it.

The final blow.

And this time, she didn’t swallow it. She didn’t blink. She didn’t cry.

She laughed.

It was soft at first. Disbelieving. Then colder, darker—a sound pulled from some place buried deep inside her. It startled him. He hadn’t heard her laugh in weeks. Hadn’t seen her smile, not for real, in even longer.

“You know what, Harry?” she said, her voice low and tired and done. “I hope one day you realize what you lost. Not because I want to be missed. But because I want you to feel it. Just once.”

She reached for her badge. Popped it off. Placed it on his desk like it weighed nothing. Like he weighed nothing.

He didn’t move. Didn’t speak.

She walked out of his office without another word. Past the desk she’d kept too tidy for too long. Past the glass doors. Past the stunned stares of a few late-working staff who turned just in time to see the ghost of Hurricane Styles’ assistant walking away with her head high.

No notice.

No drama.

Just a clean break.

And Harry, still behind his desk, still holding that last insult in his mouth like poison, realized something too late:

He’d finally broken her.

But she wasn’t the one who was going to pay for it.

He was.

Harry’s POV

He told himself he didn’t care.

Said it out loud, even. In his office, to his reflection, to the empty silence that used to hold her soft footsteps and the quiet rustle of papers being filed. He shrugged when Mitch asked what happened, rolled his eyes when Sarah from HR hinted they should reach out—just in case she had any materials to hand over. He waved it all off.

“I’ll find someone better,” he said flatly, sipping the wrong coffee made by a temp who had no idea he hated hazelnut. “She wasn’t indispensable.”

But the lie sat sour on his tongue.

The first week without her was logistical chaos. The temp assistant—two years younger and painfully eager—couldn’t read his tone, couldn’t keep up, and worst of all, kept asking questions. Dumb ones. Obvious ones. Ones she would have known before he even opened his mouth. The schedules were off. Calls missed. A client dinner was double-booked and he had to personally call and apologize.

He hadn’t made a personal apology in years.

By Friday, he’d snapped three pens in half and raised his voice more times than he could count. He barked at the intern for misprinting a memo and nearly slammed the door on Mitch when he came in with a project update.

The tension he used to wear like armor suddenly felt suffocating.

He lasted exactly six minutes in his office on Monday before storming out. The blinds were still half-drawn the way she always left them—just enough light, not enough glare. Her chair was pushed in, perfectly aligned with the desk. Her spare cardigan was gone, but the scent of her lotion still lingered faintly in the air. Clean. Subtle. Warm.

It punched something in his chest he didn’t know was tender.

He moved into the boardroom instead. Set up camp there like a child refusing to sleep in his own bed after a nightmare.

By week two, everyone knew not to mention her name.

He still caught himself pausing at 11 a.m., waiting for the sound of her humming while she filed. She used to hum the same tune when she was stressed—always off-key, always quiet. He never commented on it, never even acknowledged it. But now the silence grated.

So did the coffee.

He tried to make it the way she used to—just once. Burnt the beans. Stained his shirt.

The spiral was slow but steady. Every little thing reminded him of her. The seat in the elevator she used to lean against when they left late. The branded notepad she always carried, filled with tiny, organized handwriting. The pen she once borrowed and never returned—still in his drawer, chewed at the tip, because she had the annoying habit of biting pens when deep in thought.

And then there were the flashbacks.

The kind that crept up when he least expected them—sharp, vivid, unforgiving.

There was the day he’d come in with a migraine, growling at anyone who dared breathe too loud. She hadn’t said a word. Just dimmed the lights, closed his door, and left a cold compress on his desk. He never thanked her. Never even looked up.

Another time, she brought him soup. Chicken and rice. From some little place two blocks over. He hadn’t eaten all day, his voice was raw from back-to-back calls, and when she placed the container down with a quiet “It’s not a big deal,” he’d snapped.

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

She hadn’t argued. Just nodded and walked out. But she never brought him soup again.

He should’ve said something then.

He didn’t.

Three weeks after she left, he found her coffee mug still in the back of the cupboard—white ceramic with a tiny chip on the handle. She used to joke that it was her lucky cup, and if it ever broke completely, she’d “take the hint and leave.”

He nearly dropped it.

Instead, he placed it back on the shelf like it was glass-thin, like it could still be salvaged if he just didn’t touch it too hard.

It was around week four when the real punch came.

He wasn’t even looking for it. He was on a news site, scrolling mindlessly, avoiding the stack of files he couldn’t bring himself to organize because no one was around to nag him about deadlines. And then he saw her.

It was a photo embedded in an article—some small piece about a new start-up shaking up the tech world. He wouldn’t have clicked it normally. But her face was there, radiant and easy, mid-laugh. Candid. Honest.

She was standing outside a building he vaguely recognized, arm looped with another woman, both of them holding champagne flutes. The caption said she’d joined the company as their new operations director.

Operations director.

She hadn’t just moved on. She’d leveled up.

And she looked...happy. Not performative, not polite—genuinely alive in a way he hadn’t seen in a long time. Her shoulders weren’t tight. Her eyes weren’t dull. She wasn’t tired. She was free.

That was when it hit him.

He didn’t just lose his assistant.

He lost the one person who gave a damn.

The one who saw him—flaws, fury, all of it—and still showed up, day after day. Not because she had to. But because, at some point, she’d cared.

He used to believe fear was the best motivator. That respect was earned through intimidation. That keeping people at arm’s length meant control. He thought he was untouchable.

But the echo of her laugh still lived in these halls.

And her absence was loud enough to shatter glass.

The days dragged after that. He stopped snapping at people—not because he felt better, but because he didn’t feel anything at all. His office was cold. Clinical. The chair outside his door stayed empty most days, the temp too afraid to sit there for long. The entire floor felt off-balance, like the center of gravity had shifted and no one could quite walk straight.

Every time he saw her picture in that article, he stared at it a little longer.

He kept it open in a background tab.

It was pathetic. He knew that.

But it was also the only thing keeping him tethered.

Because if she could move on...then maybe, maybe there was still a sliver of something he could hold onto.

Maybe redemption wasn’t off the table.

But it wouldn’t come easy. And it wouldn’t come fast.

He’d burned that bridge with a blowtorch.

Now the question was whether there was anything left to rebuild.

The first text he sent was short.

Harry: I’m sorry.

No punctuation. No context. Just two words, tossed into the void of read receipts and silence. It stayed unread. A gray “Delivered” glaring back at him from his phone screen for hours, then days. He told himself maybe she changed her number. Maybe she didn’t see it. But deep down, he knew better.

The second message came two days later.

Harry: I didn’t mean what I said that day. I was angry. At myself. Not you.

Still nothing.

Then came the email. He drafted it at 2 a.m., sitting in the same boardroom he’d commandeered as his cave ever since her departure. He read it over twenty times before sending.

Subject: I owe you an apology.

“Y/N,

I’ve rewritten this a dozen times. Nothing feels like enough. I was wrong. About a lot.

You didn’t deserve the way I treated you. You weren’t just efficient, you were essential—to the company, yes, but also to me. I just didn’t realize it until you were gone.

I miss your steadiness. Your patience. Your fucking humming that used to drive me insane and now echoes in my head like a ghost.

I said things I regret. Things I can’t take back. But I need you to know—you mattered. You mattered more than I ever let myself admit.

If nothing else, let me say this to your face. You don’t owe me anything, but I hope you’ll give me five minutes.

H”

It bounced. Full inbox.

She’d blocked his email.

The next step should’ve felt like a line crossed. But he was already halfway through the wreckage of what he’d ruined—what was one more dent to the ego?

He showed up at her apartment building. Waited outside like a fool with a takeaway coffee and a note in his pocket he didn’t dare hand over.

She didn’t come out.

He tried again. And again.

Once, he saw the curtain shift. A shadow behind the glass. But the door never opened. She never came down.

He stood there for fifteen minutes longer than he should’ve, heart in his throat, hands freezing around the paper cup. And when it became clear she wasn’t going to face him, he tucked the note under the doormat and left without looking back.

He never found it there again.

Still, he couldn’t stop.

He checked her company’s press page obsessively. Memorized every project announcement, every update. She looked like she belonged there. Like she was thriving. There was a confidence in her posture that hadn’t existed when she worked for him. Like she finally had room to breathe.

It should’ve made him happy.

Instead, it gutted him.

The opportunity for confrontation didn’t come until six weeks later. It was an industry networking mixer, full of self-congratulatory execs and overpriced cocktails. He wasn’t planning to go, but Mitch had dragged him out—said he’d been a recluse long enough.

He hadn’t expected her to be there.

She wasn’t even in the main ballroom when he saw her—she was out on the terrace, standing by the railing with a drink in hand, backlit by soft string lights and city glow. Her hair was pulled up. Her dress was simple, but elegant. Understated power.

She looked…whole.

For a moment, he froze. Thought about turning around. Maybe he should’ve. But then she turned slightly, laughing at something someone said beside her, and the sound cracked something open in his chest.

So he walked.

His heart thudded with every step. His palms were damp. There were a thousand versions of this conversation he’d rehearsed in his head, but now, with her just a few feet away, he couldn’t remember any of them.

She noticed him before he could say anything. Her smile faded, her gaze hardening into something unreadable.

He stopped a foot away, gave her space. She didn’t move.

“Hi,” he said. Quiet. Careful.

“Harry.” Her voice was calm. Unmoved. The ice in her drink clinked as she swirled it slowly.

He waited. Nothing. No warmth. No invitation.

“I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“I know.”

Silence.

“I was awful to you,” he said finally. “I don’t even know where to start—”

“You don’t have to,” she cut in. “You said everything you wanted to the day I quit.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“I don’t care.”

It landed like a slap. Clean. Honest. Brutal.

She took a sip of her drink and looked past him, like she was already bored with the conversation. He could see the shift in her—the absence of the girl who used to hesitate before speaking, who used to shrink under the weight of his moods. That girl was gone. This version of her stood taller. Spoke clearer. Didn’t flinch.

And somehow, that made it worse.

“I was scared,” he said. “Of needing you. Of how much I depended on you. I pushed you because I didn’t know how else to deal with it.”

Her eyebrows lifted slightly. “So you punished me because you couldn’t manage your own emotions?”

“Yes,” he said, voice rough. “I didn’t see it then. But I do now.”

She stared at him, the silence stretching thin between them.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” he added. “I’m not asking for things to go back to the way they were. I just needed you to know I’m sorry. That I miss you. That losing you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

Something flickered across her face—small, fleeting. A crack in the armor. But it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“You miss the way I made your life easier. The way I knew your schedule, your moods, your coffee order. You miss the convenience.”

“No,” he said quickly. “I miss you. The person. The presence. The way you gave a shit even when I didn’t deserve it. The way you challenged me without ever raising your voice. The way you—” His voice broke. “The way you saw me. Even when I couldn’t see myself.”

A beat of silence.

Then she exhaled. Slow. Controlled.

“I used to think,” she said quietly, “that if I worked hard enough, stayed long enough, you’d see it. That you’d see me. Not just as an assistant, but as a human being.”

He didn’t respond. He couldn’t.

“But I realized,” she continued, “that the problem wasn’t my effort. It was your inability to recognize value unless it screamed. I had to break to get your attention.”

“I know.”

She looked down at her glass. “I’m not angry anymore, Harry. I’m not bitter. I just… don’t want to go back to a place that made me feel small.”

“I don’t want that either,” he said. “If there’s even the smallest chance… I’ll do whatever it takes. Not to get the old dynamic back, but to build something better. On your terms.”

She looked up at him then, really looked at him.

And for the first time, he saw the cost. The weight she’d carried. The cracks she’d had to seal on her own.

“You don’t get to decide when I’m ready,” she said. “If I’m ready.”

“I know.” He stepped back slightly, giving her room. “But I’ll be here. However long it takes.”

She didn’t say anything. Just nodded once, small and measured.

He left her there, under the soft lights, the night cool against his skin.

For the first time, he didn’t walk away with answers. But he walked away knowing something had shifted.

And maybe—just maybe—that was enough.

The days that followed were quiet. Not the suffocating kind he’d grown used to, full of silence and unanswered messages, but the kind that forced reflection. He didn’t try to contact her again. Not right away. He didn’t loiter by her building, didn’t send another desperate email. He’d said his piece. Now, he had to prove he meant it.

That started with his own house.

Literally.

The place was a mess—not just physically, but emotionally. It still looked like it belonged to the version of him she’d left: sharp edges, cold surfaces, and schedules that ran tighter than his jawline used to. So he changed it. Started small. New photos on the wall—ones that weren’t just boardroom snapshots and event galas. He framed one of the office holiday party she’d organized three years ago. The one where she wore a ridiculous headband with blinking lights and somehow still managed to look composed.

He made space in his days that didn’t revolve around profit margins and investor calls. Therapy twice a week, no excuses. He started having actual conversations with his team. Not just directives. Not just performance reviews. Real check-ins. The kind he used to think were a waste of time.

He showed up. And not in the grand, dramatic gestures he might’ve leaned on before. No flowers sent to her new office. No extravagant apologies. Just quiet, consistent effort.

And slowly, word got around.

Mitch mentioned over lunch that she’d heard. That someone on her team had passed along the news—Harry wasn’t the same. He didn’t snap anymore. He listened more than he talked. And most shocking of all, he’d started mentoring junior staff.

“It’s not a magic trick,” Mitch had said, half-smiling. “But people are noticing.”

Still, she didn’t reach out. And he didn’t expect her to. He wasn’t owed anything.

So he focused on what he could control.

Then, one afternoon in early spring, a message arrived. Short. Neutral.

Y/N: Can you talk?

He stared at it for five minutes before replying.

Harry: Anytime.

They met at a quiet café halfway between her office and his. It wasn’t a date. She made that clear in her tone, her posture, the space she kept between them. But she’d come. And that was something.

“You’ve been busy,” she said, sipping her tea.

“I’ve had a lot to make up for.”

“I didn’t reach out because I needed space. I still do. But I’ve been watching. And I see the work.”

He nodded, unsure if it was his place to speak.

“This doesn’t mean anything changes,” she added. “But I want to see if… maybe we can start from zero. Slowly.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Whatever pace you need.”

They didn’t talk much that day. But the door had opened.

Over the next few weeks, they found a strange new rhythm. Occasional texts. Brief lunches. No talk of the past unless she brought it up. He learned to follow her lead, to listen without trying to fix or justify.

It wasn’t easy. He’d built his career on control, on always having the answer. But this wasn’t a boardroom. This was trust—raw, slow-growing, and fragile.

One afternoon, she visited his office. Unannounced.

“I was nearby,” she said, though the tremor in her voice hinted at something deeper. She looked around. The space had changed since she’d last seen it. Softer lighting. Fewer screens. A photo of his niece on the shelf, grinning with a missing front tooth.

“You’ve changed,” she said after a pause.

“I had to.”

“For you?”

“For me. But also because if I hadn’t, I would’ve lost everything. Not just you. Myself.”

She nodded slowly, then held out a folder.

“I’ve been working on something. A proposal.”

He blinked, surprised, then took it. Her name was on the first page. Director of Strategic Initiatives.

“This isn’t you asking for your old job back,” he said, flipping through it.

“No,” she said firmly. “It’s me offering to build something with you. As equals. Or not at all.”

He smiled then. Not the smug, closed-lip smirk she used to hate, but something softer. More real.

“I’d be lucky to have you.”

“You’d be smart,” she corrected.

He laughed, and for the first time in a long while, so did she.

The official announcement went out a month later. She’d accepted the position—but not in his division. She’d have her own team. Her own budget. Full autonomy. And he made it clear, in both the press release and the internal memo, that her success would have his support, not his interference.

Their collaboration started professionally. Emails, strategy meetings, pitch reviews. But something unspoken lingered beneath it all. A current. A history neither of them dared touch—until the night of the fundraiser.

It was raining. Of course it was.

He wasn’t sure if she’d come. It was a high-profile event, black tie, every reason for her to avoid it. But then she walked in.

Black dress. Hair down this time. Calm, confident. She scanned the room and found him almost immediately.

Later, when most of the guests had filtered out and the ballroom was half-empty, she found him on the balcony, staring out into the storm.

“I used to think rain was bad luck,” she said, stepping beside him.

He turned. “And now?”

“I think maybe it just… washes away the noise.”

He watched her for a long moment. Then finally, voice low, he said, “I meant it. Everything I said. That day.. I still mean it.”

She didn’t respond right away. Just looked at him, eyes searching.

“You’re still a bit of a hurricane, Harry.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Then let me be the one to rebuild what I tore down.”

She studied him. The vulnerability. The steadiness he hadn’t had before.

“I don’t need saving,” she said.

“I know. You never did.”

“But I might be ready to build something. Not because I miss what we had. But because I see who you’re trying to become.”

“And who are you?” he asked softly.

She tilted her head. “Someone who won’t settle. Not for less than mutual respect. Not for silence when there should be honesty. Not for anything less than real.”

“Then I’ll meet you there,” he said. “Whatever it takes.”

The moment stretched.

And then, under the city lights and the steady hum of rain, she stepped closer.

He didn’t move. Didn’t assume. Just waited.

She reached up, fingers brushing his cheek. Her kiss was gentle. No heat or desperation. Just truth.

When they pulled apart, she smiled—small, certain.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive everything.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to.”

“But it means I see you. And I believe you see me now too.”

He nodded, eyes stinging.

“I always did,” he whispered. “I just didn’t know how to show it.”

She touched his hand, lacing their fingers briefly before stepping back.

“Start with showing up,” she said. “Keep doing that. Day by day.”

“I will.”

And for the first time, he didn’t feel like he was chasing her shadow. He was standing beside her.

Present.

Ready.

This time, they’d build it right.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

Thank you so much for reading, you’re a total angel! Don’t forget to like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed! It means everything to me! 💖

taglist: @oscahpastry @mema10 @angelbabyyy99 @iloveharrystyles04 @cinemharry @drwho06 @donutsandpalmtrees @panini @mads3502 @imgonnadreamaboutthewayyoutaaaa @one-sweet-gubler @rizosrizos26 @ciriceimpera @everyscarisahealingplace @hello-heyhi @sexymfharriet @lizsogolden @hannah9921 @chicabonitasblog @huhidontknowstuff @berrywoods1245 @jennovaaa @angeldavis777 @prettygurl-2009 @almostcontentcreator @run-for-the-hills @maudie-duan @dipmeinhoneyh @harrrrystylesslut @georgiarose94 @stylestarkey @watarmelon212 @hopefullimaginer123, @fangirl509east @bethiegurl19 @adoredeanna @secretisme4 @harry2121 @hopefullimaginer123 @fangirl509east @uncassettodiricordi @2601-london @zbaby @harryscherries28 @michellekstyles @alohajix

[madamechrissy]

=͟͟͞♡ Healing Hearts =͟͟͞♡

=͟͟͞♡ Pairings:-Doctor Gojo x Intern F!Reader

=͟͟͞♡ Summary- You are the top Surgical Doctor intern, along with Maki, Yuta and Toge. You all are exhausted from passing the first month, sixteen plus hour days, days you don't even go home, all to get a top spot with the star Surgeon, Dr. Gojo, your resident doctor and boss. Or as you call him, Dr. Hojo. He's takes nothing serious but his surgeries it seems, and has a reputation for being a player, but he has that top spot, so you want to prove your worth! You just have to ignore those stupid butterflies he gives you, and those pretty blue eyes, along with his interest in you, and focus!

=͟͟͞♡ Contents/warnings- MDNI- Warnings- overuse/incorrect use of prescription meds, angsty asf in places, scene of a medical procedure, heavy subject matter, some sexual tension. Reader, 26, Dr. Gojo 34- Grey's vibes - this chap, misuse of prescription drugs, snorting said drugs, light angst, explicit sex, like A LOT of sex, oral (f recieving) talking you through it, multiple positions, TOXIC attraction, possessive Gojo, yandere tendencies tbh, lots of drama and feelings =͟͟͞♡ WC this chap- 9k

♡ Reblogs and comments appreciated if you enjoy ♡

=͟͟͞♡ Part Seven =͟͟͞♡ Playlist =͟͟͞♡ Masterlist =͟͟͞♡ Part Nine

Part Eight

“It’s beautiful here, Satoru. Thank you.” You’re in the most elegant of dining rooms of this restaurant, already so fancy you feel just a little out of place, but Satoru seems to know everyone, grinning as they fawn over him and you.

“I had a feeling you’d love it. Plus this way some privacy.” His voice drops just an octave, rushing over you in waves, the desire you feel for him is hard to ignore, but you know you need to learn more. Despite the temptation of his plump lips as they smirk just a bit, while the waitress pours you each a glass of wine.

You sip it then, moaning at the taste. “What is this!?”

“House plum wine, it’s our specialty.” She smiles at you sweetly, then eyes Satoru, leaning over just a bit, you can tell she’s trying to get his attention, far too close to him for comfort. “Dr. Gojo, would you like your usual?”

“That depends on what my girl here wants.” He doesn’t have to say that, do that, you two don’t even know what you are, but here he is, an arm around you, essentially brushing off the pretty waitress to hold you close. “What are you thinking, love?”

Love.

Satoru is calling you love. God if you don’t wish it could be true, that maybe Satoru could love you enough, maybe he does in his own way, but it’s a cruel torture, the worst sort of joke. To love someone who clearly doesn’t love himself, despite the outer appearance that he does, the cocky, conceited jokes, the winks and smirks so self sure.

But you’re already learning, it’s to hide something.

“You pick for me, maybe some seafood?” He nods then, and spits off two orders that you don’t even understand, smiling as he hands her the menus, you notice she looks just a little dejected. “Did you sleep with her, Hojo?” Satoru gasps, putting his hand to his chest then.

“Rude! Calling me some floozy hmm?”

“Well, you were?” He sighs now, tilting your chin up just a bit.

“Before I kissed you, after that it was over.” His thumb brushes your lower lip, when they bring in appetizers for you all, sitting on pretty ceramic plates, the soft music gently flowing in as the doors open again.

“You love to fuck my brain up, Doctor.”

“Love to fuck more than that, intern.” His voice is soft, flowing over you as he pops a little hors d'œuvre in your mouth, watching you as you chew it thoughtfully, eyes fluttering shut as it hits your taste buds. “That look, fuck. Is that better than me?”

“So much better.” He chuckles when you laugh a bit.

“So… how was the day, overwhelming?” You nod, sighing, as the two of you start to talk about Choso now, the device possibility, so much today alone had gone on, but then every day at the prestige hospital was rather hectic.

The plates are served, and you both find it easy to be on this date - a true date - not a rushed little bar encounter, or a night spent at each other’s homes, it felt so real and tangible. The topics get a little heavier soon, dinner is done and dessert is being served, the most decadent little morsels you could imagine, as more of the sweet wine fills your bloodstream.

It’s so perfect for a moment you forget how you got here, forget just how horrible it was before, and he can almost pretend that you don’t need to know his flaws. But you have already seen him at his bad point, you already know some of what makes him not good enough for a girl like you, but he can’t prevent himself, he wants you and only you, and he needs it like he needs air.

“Why are the doses so high? High tolerance?” Your question is soft and delicate, as you ask the question carefully, sipping your drink once more and looking right into his pretty blue eyes, a conundrum of feelings scattered in them like stars.

“Very high, I’ve always had one, could drink a fifth and act straight- I’m not much of a drinker though, a little wine here and there.”

“Well thank goodness, drinking with Xanax…”

“Yeah, Klonopin, Ambien, all of them don’t go too well with it.”

“And how do you function? Honestly, the levels…”

“The more you take them, the higher the tolerance. But I typically don’t just snort them, unless I need them to hit quickly. But even then, that night in the locker room I had taken several.” He’s quiet, as are you, remembering the night so vividly. “I was upset and overdid it, even for me.”

“Upset because of our fight.” He nods now, jaw clenching.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Satoru strokes your cheek, you feel it, your emotions rising, heart pacing in your chest, as you struggle to keep your composure.

“But you never want to live together? No kids I guess I get now, no marriage I can understand, but how do you not live with someone ever? I don’t mean now or even soon, but never? It’s like you’re afraid to let someone in.” Satoru runs a hand through those silky white locks, frowning then.

“The main reason for that is,” Satoru sighs a bit, as he leans so close to you, you practically taste the sweet plum wine on his breath, mingling with yours, before he leans back, his adam’s apple bobbing with a gulp. “I think whoever would live with me, would grow to hate me.”

Your heart shatters at his words, tears swimming in your vision, hating that this man could feel that way. You ease back yourself, looking up at blue eyes that hide far, far too much pain, slipping a hand up the softness of his sweater, then higher, brushing along the line of his jaw. He’s watching you so seriously, like he’s waiting for a blow, jaw so tense you try to rub it to ease it.

“Oh, Satoru…” Your voice is shaky as you speak, taking a tremulous breath, hand now slipping up over a high cheek bone, brushing across where he’s flushed just the lightest shade of pink.

“You know a little more about me now, but it can get bad, my depression - it’s a reason I’m on it all. And the reason I work constantly, but at home alone sometimes… It's really bad. And I get… angry, frustrated. Fuck I can be mean, you’ve seen all of it.” His hand comes to brush your hair off your shoulder, fingers long and elegant against the delicate slope of your shoulder.

“Think I can’t handle that?” You raise a brow at him. “Have you met my ex, he was a shit.”

“Yeah you have bad taste.” You roll your eyes, but your breath catches when his fingers dance along your shoulder, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “You could handle it because you’re strong, doesn’t mean you should.”

“I think you’re mean to yourself.”

“Oh?” He frowns now, hand falling.

“Yes, you’re afraid to let anyone know you, because you want them to think you’re ‘perfect’.”

“Ouch, psychiatrist is your calling.” He’s trying to make light of it, a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes, but you cup his face now, leaning forward, his lashes lower, eyeing your bitten lips, dying to press them against his. Dying to kiss every inch of you all over again.

“I want to know all of you. I won’t get scared away easily, if you have a bad day, you could talk, tell me. We could… I won’t tell you not to take them, but you could talk to me first. Before you…”

“Snort them?” He cuts you off, and you nod, Satoru sighs now, easing his head further against your touch, as his hands come to grip your waist. “Are you asking me to take them as prescribed, intern?”

“I think they’ll last longer and be used less, yes.”

“Is it a doctor’s order?” His lips quirk up, but he’s hiding it, the vulnerability now, you can feel it, even as his hands warm you through the layers of your cashmere sweater, igniting so much held inside of you.

“It’s a special request from a girl who adores you.” Satoru blinks back emotion, pulling back completely, making your lips tremble, heart hammering. “I shouldn’t have said it…”

“No, no.” He needs to compose himself, your words almost break him then, words he never knew he wanted or needed, but to come from your perfect lips, he feels you gripping his chest like a vise.

“It’s just a gentle suggestion. I’ll date you anyway. Okay? Satoru I will never judge you, ever.” He almost cries, someone so strong reduced to tears because you make him feel more than he should.

He doesn’t deserve you.

Your hand comes to his shoulder, he’s still turned away in the elegant dining room, the two of you alone, soft music filtering in from the restaurant, mingling with the gentle noise of laughing and chatting couples and friends. But the two of you are alone, and all you can hear is your heartbeats, yours erratic, as you wonder if you’re asking too much, pushing too hard.

“If I wasn’t selfish I’d leave you alone, I’d let you go be with someone who can give you everything.” Satoru’s words are hoarse, as he turns back to you now, and you see tears in his beautiful azure eyes, bringing tears of your own, burning your eyes. “You’re young, you think you could fix something so broken.”

“I don’t want to fix you, and you’re not broken. Stop it. I’m not that young, okay? I have my own experiences in growing up quickly.” Satoru sighs now, shaking his head.

“Shit, you had no parents… I’m sorry. I’m not… thoughtful.”

“You are. You’re more than you give yourself credit for. Are you perfect, no, you’re kind of a mess.” He smiles a bit, as you’re swiping tears, he hates it, you seeing them, seeing his weakness.

You’re his weakness.

“But there’s a lot of good. A lot.”

“Don’t deserve your presence.”

“Satoru…”

“I don’t. But I’m greedy, baby, so I’ll take you anyway.” He yanks you to him now, against his hard body, a hand tangling in the hair at the nape of your neck, brushing your own tears with his other hand, before thumbing your lower lip, running the pad of it across your lip. “I’ll take anything you give me.”

“Why’s that, hmm?” Your eyes flutter shut when he kisses your cheeks, then your nose, your eyelids, your hands grip his sweater, body overheating.

“Because I can’t get you off my fucking mind, out of my heart, you’re seeped in so fucking deep, do you know?” He’s kissing down the side of your neck, moaning as he hears your soft cry. He loves you, fuck he does. He doesn’t know how to say it, he doesn’t know if he deserves to speak it, if it will just hurt you in the end.

“You think you haven’t sunk into my soul, Satoru Gojo?” Your words make him pause, pulling away and looking down at you, brushing back your hair, his other arm possessively wrapped, pulling you so close you’re almost on him. “I’m falling.”

Shit, you said it.

He pauses, then exhales, a shaky breath with a soft moan, before making you gasp, when he stands, picking you up shoving aside your ceramic plates of untouched desserts, and sits you right on that thick white table cloth. Your heart hammers in your chest as you stare into eyes that reveal it all, swirling with every emotion he tries so hard to hide.

“I’ve already fallen for you. Fallen so fucking deep it’s killing me slowly, breathing your air but not holding you, kissing you,” he does just that now, as you whine into his mouth, his words washing over you. “Being deep inside you, feeling you, kills me so much I fucked it up, and I’ll fuck it up again.”

“Satoru, you-” He’s slammed his lips once more, an arm on either side, pinning you to the table, stepping between your spread thighs, kissing you stupid, drugging you like the xanax in his bloodstream.

“But I’m selfish, so selfish, I’ll let you be with someone like me, even though I should love you enough to be with someone who deserves you.” You’re sniffling, shaking your head, but he cups your face, eyes devouring you, and you sink deeper and deeper into the pit that is your feelings. “I will take anything of you.”

“Then have me, all of me.” Satoru moans and pins your wrists, as he presses you back on this high, fancy banquet table, yanking up your top, his hand slipping up it, your chest heaving as he finds you over your lace bra, making you cry out.

“I can’t let go if we do it again. I won’t let you leave, I wish I was fucking kidding, do you really wanna get dragged down with me?” His words are dark, but you are past pretending, caring, any of it. You just nod, and he sighs, shaking his head, hand slipping down under your waistband, finding your slick heat, moaning as he does. “I can’t let you go.”

“Then don’t- ah!” He’s running his fingers between your drenched folds, so ready to sink his cock in you again, fill you like your body is begging for, looking down at your pretty face, already fucked out from a touch. A face so pretty he’s not sure he deserves it either. “Please…”

“Gonna be mine, hmm? You sure sweetheart?” His desperation breaks through, and you nod now, giving him the go ahead, he moans softly, sinking two fingers deep in your tight entrance, pressing up just so, you scream out at it before covering your mouth, realizing though alone people could still hear. “No.”

He yanks down your hand, and you’re biting your lip, gasping and gripping his wrist, which flexes as he fingers your slick walls, that grip him so good he almost cums from it. “C-can’t be quiet…”

“I need to look at your face when you cum. You can’t cover it.” You’re whining out, as his intense gaze and his fingers press your spot, like he knows you so fucking well. “I want to see your mouth open, your eyes roll back, wanna see the sweat that breaks out on your brow.”

“F-fuck…” You’re barely able to function, your walls convulsing around his thick fingers, soaking and loud, echoing in the elegant room, mixing with your soft cries, so drunk off him your head spins.

“No one can make you feel this, huh baby?” He’s insane again, his eyes dilating, like he’s in some fucking trance as he plays you, as you drown in his eyes, swirling storms that you can’t stop looking into. “Asked you a question sweetheart.”

“No one.” He moans then, fingers even deeper, thumb pressing into your twitching little clit, all while he watches you unravel.

“That’s it, let go f’me. Wanna watch you fall apart.” You do then, cries muffled barely by you biting the fuck out of your lower lip to the point it’s almost bleeding from your teeth tearing your skin, as your pleasure washes over you in waves, back arching up, and Satoru nearly cums from just watching you, feeling you. “Beautiful, fuck.”

“Please, in me.” Your whisper destroys him, surely even though you’ve rented the room anyone could just walk in, but you’re far past caring any longer, and he’s ready to give you all of him, you wouldn’t even care if a whole restaurant saw you at this point, cunt pulsing around nothing when his fingers slip out.

“Fuck, I want to but I can’t keep quiet.” His lips quirk up just a bit, and you breathlessly giggle, perhaps the first time you’ve felt relief since it all, as he puts those fingers to his mouth, sucking them up and exhaling. “Come to my place.”

“So much for taking it slow.” You murmur, sitting up now with his help, shaking when he presses a kiss to your lips and you taste your sweet arousal all over him, kissing it right off him. Satoru sighs, cupping your face, hand entangling in your hair, pulling it at the nape of your neck, making your head fall back.

“I’ll fuck you slow if you want.”

“Shit. Let’s go.”

The drive through the snow is quiet, aside from music Satoru has slowly playing, and you’re snug against him, hand brushing up and down his chest, like you can’t get close enough to him, and he’s kissing you at every stop light. You’re so fucked up on him, on how your panties are soaked against your leggings, the heat warming the two of you so much.

“Need to be inside you, fuck.” He’s murmuring, his hand slipping to your waist, while you kiss on his neck.

“Focus on the road.” You’re breathless when he softly whimpers, while you find a spot right on his neck.

“Shit…” He’s clenching the wheel, cock leaking precum again, dying to bury itself in your slick little cunt. When the two of you finally get to his place, he’s quickly dragging you inside, kissing you desperately, yanking your sweater right off. You’re hastily repeating the action on him, gasping when he turns you around, unsnapping your bra and letting it fall.

He’s pressing you against the front door, littering your shoulders with bites, hot and hungry, his hand slipping down your spine, sending shivers down your body, as he brushes hair off the nape of your neck. “Satoru, please.”

“Let me savor this, been dreaming of you all week.” You’re whining out when he turns you again, kissing you hungrily, big hands gripping your tits as he’s yanking you against him, thigh between yours, making you eagerly grind against him. “You’re all I’ll ever want.”

“Don’t say that, mmm.” You’re shaking your head and he sighs, on his knees before you then, unbuckling your boots and easing them down, as your breath comes quicker and quicker, echoing out loud, mixing with the pounding of blood rushing through to your ears.

“I’ll never want anyone else.” His raw declaration terrifies you, fuck you know he’ll probably hurt you, damaged beautiful man, so opposite of you it’s insane, but you’re drawn to him with inexplicable need. His blue eyes under white lashes are drunk when he finally glides your leggings down, moaning when he sees you. “You’ve ruined your panties, baby.”

“Mnh! Please…” You’re gripping his shoulders to balance, throwing your thigh over his shoulder, gripping you by your ass so rough you gasp. “F-fuck!”

“Let me drink you, please, I need you so badly baby.” He’s damn near slurring his words, lapping a stripe over your panties before he pulls them to the side, revealing your glistening, drippy cunt. “God look at you.”

Your moans are throaty when he’s drinking you up against the door, fuck you’d not even made it a step inside before he does, before he’s soaked from you, dripping all over his pretty face, and he can’t get enough of you. He’s moaning, fucking your tight entrance with his long tongue, soaking you into his tastebuds, never wanting to leave your thighs.

He looks up to see your pretty tits bounce as you grip his hair, head falling back to smack the door, while Satoru laps up all your arousal, groaning against you, making it vibrate. “I’m c-cumming!”

“Good, cum all over me.” You’re done then, cunt gushing so much he can’t catch it all, it’s falling down his chin, even when he gulps as much as he can, feeling your quivering cunt grip and pulse around his tongue. You’re blinded as it hits so hard, you nearly collapse, but he’s holding you firm, kissing your clit, neglected aside from little bumps of his nose.

“Oh my god…” You’re delirious, so much held back for so long for him, fuck even before you were so afraid to get hurt you held back, but you’re done holding back any longer, you’re so ready to let him have all of you. “Take me.”

“Fuck…” He stands up so quickly you get dizzy, snatching you up in his arms, kissing you hungry, messy, while he carries you to his room, hastily flicking on the soft lights.

“Why on?” You murmur, blinking your fuzzy vision as you land on his soft, plush bed, in his spotless fucking room, gripping his egyptian cotton sheets, thick and soft as he unbuckles his belt with a click.

“I need the lights on to see all of your anatomy.” You bite that lip again, thighs pressing together, leaned up on your hands as you hungrily watch him strip fully, pretty, perfect cock springing out, begging for attention. You go to grab him but he pins you down, shaking his head. “Won’t last if you touch me, wanna embarrass me?”

“You always last long, Doctor Gojo. Think I don’t miss touching him?” He exhales now, lifting a thigh, pressing his leaky tip at your entrance now.

“You can after, I need to be inside you.” You nod then, giving him the go ahead, and he shoves inside so deep you scream, so ready it’s insane, you can’t stop your shaking, convulsing while he breathes so heavy over you, one hand on your wrists still, pinning them to the pillow. “Fucking feel you.”

“Mnh!” You’re already fucked out from two, three strokes, splitting you in half like only Satoru Gojo can. Your cunt stretches to accommodate, gushing down his veiny length, down his heavy balls that smack your little ass hole now, as he pounds your cunt so merciless.

But that’s not all that fucks you up, no it’s his damn eyes, so dark and desperate for you, he can’t rip them from your face, fucking up into you harder, losing himself while your hands go numb in his grip. “God, never felt anything this good.”

He’s whispering words in your ear, as he rests his head, snowy locks tickling your cheek, the loud sounds of skin smacking in the air. He pulls back, watching the bulge move inside you, putting his hand over it to feel him fucking you, his cock moving slowly in and out, all while he feels you pulse around him. Your head falls back, hips arching, slick walls just gripping his cock way too good.

But mostly he sees your pretty face, screwed up in pleasure, a face he didn’t think he’d get to see again, and he dies over it. Letting your wrists free, you touch his abdomen, fingers running over perfectly defined muscles, slick with sweat from his exertions. You watch them flex and tremble, slipping higher to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat against your palm.

“Satoru…” You’re breathing out his name, so close now, he leans over you again, his other hand dipping between your bodies, finding your clit and rubbing it in circles, pressing against the twitchy little nub, watching you fall apart.

“Need to cum all over my cock, don’t you baby?” You just nod, ever so weakly, drowning in him, in Satoru, words threatening to spill from your lips- just how much you love the man that you’ve only scratched the surface of. “Then cum f’me, all over my cock, make a mess. Ah, that’s it sweetheart, almost there.”

He’s talking you further over the edge, slamming his cock so deep then you do fall apart, nails pressing and leaving crescent shapes in his back, head falling to the side for his teeth to sink into. Your orgasm washes all over you until you’re weak, twitching and shaking, just gasping for breath, the sounds sinking into his ears, as your pleasure injects into his veins.

You are the best high there is.

“God, you’re perfect.” You shake your head weakly, and he slows, lifting his finger off your clit now, slowing his stroke to agonizing slowness, in and out, letting you feel every single inch, every ridge and vein on his cock. “You are. I never want you to leave this bed, fuck.”

“Mmn… you don’t…”

“I do.” He’s kissing you deeply, and that is when you fall off the imperceptible ledge he had you on, that’s when you kiss him back with fervor, giving a heart you’re terrified he will break, but how can you not? How can you not drink this man is, even knowing the pain that will follow.

Satoru flips you with ease, he’s got you on your stomach, as he hooks a thigh over yours, smacking your ass and groaning as he watches it bloom with his handprint. “Ah!”

“I need you to be mine, can you? All mine?” He is insane, but you’re insane too, nodding, knowing the version of ‘his’ is so different from what you truly think of.

Are you willing to fall?

He’s got a hand around your throat, shoving his thick cock back inside you, breathing right in your ear, even his breaths, so heavy and desperate push you on further. Your head falls back, ass arching against his pelvis, when he slams so deep inside you, long body taking over your much smaller one, as his very essence wraps you like the darkest shadow.

Darkness, swirling, heady mixing with the scent of him, with the feel of him, when the deprivation of everything but him happens, and you’re getting your throat squeezed at the sweetest pressure. “Tiny little neck, like it when I squeeze?”

You weakly whine in response, when he pushes you to that edge again, you’ve lost count of how much pleasure he’s brought you, how many orgasms wreck you, as he chokes your throat, squeezing just perfect on your pressure points. It’s fuzzy, your mind, it’s all gone, instinct only allowing you to feel the pleasure instead.

“Want me to fill you up baby? So full of me?” You nod eagerly, as Satoru busts inside you, hot white cum coating your quivering walls, and you lose the last thread you had left in your brain, the last thing connecting you to anything rational.

“Ah!”

“Fuck… god, she’s milking me for it all…” He’s slowing his strokes, exhaling now, while he peppers kisses across your shoulder, then up your neck. “Fuck I didn’t know I’d get to ever again.”

“What would you have done?” He eases out now, sighing and continuing his kisses all over your chest.

“What would I have done?” You nod then, sitting up a bit, legs pressing together, cunt throbbing, you feel his cum seeping out of your abused little hole now, as he runs his fingers down your smooth legs.

“Yes, gone to your Hojo ways?”

He laughs softly, shaking his head, kissing your ankle now, as you’re still reeling from what had just happened. “I’d have jerked off and snorted pills and cried.”

“Shit.”

“Mmhmm… shit, can I snort a xanax once more before I call it quits?” You blink a bit, and he grins. “I wanna snort one off your cunt.”

“No! What!?”

“Inner thigh?” You’re torn between thinking it’s hot and thinking it’s bat shit insane, he sees it, smirking. “It’s a dream of a dying man.”

“You’re not dying, you're just insane.” You’re still trembling from how hard you’ve cum, and he’s too pretty pouting like that. “Okay once.”

“I love you.” You snort, shaking your head, when he drags a tray from the table, black and gold filigree designs, xanax bar crushed with quick skill, like he’s done it a million times. You tense a bit, watching him gather it with a razor blade, then onto a thick cardstock. “I thought xanax tasted the best, until your pussy.”

“You’re comparing me to chemicals?” You cross your arms, and he grins, the devious psycho doctor that he is, coming to lean over you now, spreading a thigh.

“Nothing tastes as good as you, but xanax is close.” You’re watching with quick breaths as he sprinkles the white powder on your inner thigh, exhaling nervously when his snowy white hair bends down. “My nose will never be the same.”

“It’ll be happier, you know.” He smiles up at you, snorting the powder up quickly, his breath far too close to your cunt, you’re whining softly at the sensation, as he laps the residue up with his tongue now, moaning. “Does Xanax taste that good?”

“It does. Here.” He’s leaning up, kissing you now, and you moan as his saliva drips against your mouth, and you taste it.

“Must be acquired.” You whisper, saliva string dripping between your lips, and you see it, his eyes dilate, his body relaxes.

“Nothing tastes as good as you. Especially with my cum pouring from you.” He’s shoving the tray aside, prone position again, licking your cunt and groaning. “God I knew it would be the best mix.”

“Mnh! You’re f-fucking insane…”

“I know, baby.” He’s lapping his cum out of you, while you grip him, and he’s fully fucked up, the xanax hitting and making him enjoy your pretty cunt even more.

“Last time.” Your soft cry warns, and he sighs, nodding, pulling your lips apart to watch more of his white cum leak out of your slutty hole.

“Last time, doc.” You roll your eyes at him, but it’s soon them just rolling back, when he’s sucking on your clit, and it drools all along him.

“F-fuck!” Your hoarse voice just makes him impossibly more ready, pressing his still sticky cock against the mattress.

“Again.” His quiet command is impossible to ignore, you simply nod just a bit, swallowing nervously, when he leans back over you, slamming his thick cock so deep so soon, it shocks you, making you scream out, as he moans in pleasure, damn near a quiet growl. “Fill you up every day.”

“Satoru…”

“Every minute, every hour. Fuck you in every room in that goddamn hospital.” You’re unable to speak when he pulls back, watching his bulge in your tummy move with every agonizingly long stroke, jerking those hips just so. “Every corridor, I’ll drink you up in every elevator.

“Insane, f-fuck!” He laughs a bit, the drug has clearly entered his blood stream, you see it on his face, unleashing whatever bits he’s apparently been holding back from you.

“Am I insane? Or are you, for lying under me sweetheart?” Your lips part, but you can’t form a word, instead just another cry as he fucks you harder into his soft, dense matress, the blankets and sheets crumbling beneath you, your hands gripping harder and harder.  “Answer me.”

“You’re the c-crazy one.” He laughs even as he shoves his cock so deep you scream, drooling tip smashing a cervix already hurt from him pummeling it just minutes ago. “Insane fucking man.”

“You love it though.” You won’t answer, not this insane man with far too much in his bloodstream, the man ruining you over and over, breaking you apart with his strokes to put you back together with his kisses.

“Think I love it?” Your whisper is against his lips now, he leans over you, soft white locks falling over his brow, as he studies your face so carefully.

“I fucking love you.”

What.

Huh.

What!?

You’re blinking in confusion, wondering if he’s finally fucked you actually stupid and not just theoretically. You can’t even answer, when he pulls back once more, slamming his cock and bottoming out, stuffing you so full you can’t stop your scream, hoarse and then weak. He cups your face with one hand, sighing as he shakes his head over you.

“I do love you. It’s why I can’t ever let you go.” You’re too stunned and confused to find any sort of word, any protest. “You don’t have to say it back, just you need to fucking know.”

You’re cumming once more, and he’s pulled with you, groaning and busting deep inside you, his words disorienting right along with his cock filling you up so much you feel it everywhere. Satoru’s in your cunt, your stomach, your goddamn head, and your fucking heart.

He’s everywhere.

*****

The next morning, you yawn, stretching in Satoru’s luxurious bed, reaching to find the rumpled sheets are cool. You sit up now, hearing the front door click, standing on the plush rug and stepping out of his room now. He smiles as he walks inside, and you lean on the doorway for a moment, seeing two cups in his hands.

“Morning, sweets. You finally have joined the living.” You giggle a bit, stepping closer now.

“You kind of zonked me.”

“Must be the xanax on your pussy.”

“Satoru!” He’s just grinning now, setting down your cups and pulling a multicolored pill case out of his jacket.

“What, it’s probably a hell of a high.”

You watch him, methodically taking each med, smiling at you as he hands you your coffee, and something breaks your heart then, that he thinks he needs just that much. Seeing your hesitation, he frowns a bit, swallowing them up with a sugary concoction, a little foam on his lip that you gently swipe away, studying the man illuminated by the sun filtering in through his floor to ceiling blinds.

“What is it?” His question is soft, curious, you look down at the cup, shaking your head a bit.

“Nothing.”

“Tch, one thing you suck at, is lying.” He sips his drink again, stepping closer, eyeing your sexy body in his dress shirt, so long on you it’s precious, the sleeves rolled up several times, he sees the outline of your body as the sun showcases it, making him ache again.

God he can’t get enough of you.

“I just wish you didn’t need so much. I’m not judging you, I promise. I’m not… trying to ‘fix you’ you’re a grown man. But it hurts to see.” Satoru falters then, as if it’s not what he expected, coming even closer until his hand presses on your waist, gently but firmly, burning through the thin layer of his white dress shirt.

“Last night is the last time I’ll snort them, okay? I will respect what you asked. But you… don’t believe me.”

“No, no, I do. It’s just… so many. On an empty tummy?”

“Need to feed me then hmm.” He’s trying to make light of it, push it off, but you have trouble letting that go, and he sees it then. “Wanna know why I’m on each one?”

“Do you want to tell me?” He nods now, pulling out one of his black kitchen stools at the bar.

“Sit.” You do just that, and he sits next to you, legs wide, setting his cup down on the pretty granite counter that damn near shimmers it’s so clean, shit all of Satoru’s house is spotless.

You suppose you get why he wouldn’t want kids, or even pets it seems, everything has its order, its place.

“I was once a lowly intern like you.”

“Lowly!” You shove at him playfully, he chuckles a bit, but the laugh doesn’t quite meet those eyes, snowy long lashes lowering while his fingers brush on your bare thigh, leaving intricate networks of goosebumps in their wake.

“I was one and not as good as you, shit not close. You’re remarkable, you know.” You pause at that, cheeks heating up at his praise, when he’s so close, too close, intense eyes boring into you. “It’s one of the reasons I fucking love you.”

“You shouldn’t say that…”

“No? Why?”

“Because you don’t really mean it…”

“Oh, honey,” he rests his forehead on yours as he takes a breath, hand gripping your thigh so tightly, while you start to lose focus. “I mean it.”

“I’m scared shitless, Satoru.”

“I know.” He kisses your forehead then, smiling just a little sadly. “I was not as bold then, not like you, not even close. I was scared to fuck up, so much pressure with my family, and already I was with Hime.”

“Oh I imagine a lot of pressure.” Your soft voice comes, as you put your head on his shoulder, hugging his strong arm over his coat, letting him speak as you try to reign in your own emotions.

“It was. But with her as well, we were at a constant war, a back and forth to piss each other off. Shit she would bring people home, so would I, and at a point I got so depressed, that we were stuck together- also pressured to have kids. Archaic fucking mentality.”

“Yeah… I see.” You can’t look at him not when he brings it up, you don’t even want to think of it right now, the fact that you probably won’t get that if you stay with Satoru.

And you can’t imagine a world where you don’t always love him.

“So I was very tired after we had a thirty six, remember your first?”

“Oh god yes.”

“And I… missed something. I was so tired, I…” His voice breaks, and you pause, looking up at him now, hating the sorrow on his perfect features. “I fucked up, and someone died, because of me.”

“Satoru, no-”

“Yes. Yes they did.” He’s so tense he’s shaking now, shutting his eyes and shaking his head.

“We all make mistakes, we’re just human-”

“No, I needed to be perfect. Top of my class, top of every interns, fuck I have always been the best at everything. And then, the guy was dead because I was sleeping.”

“You cannot blame yourself!”

“I do. That’s when I decided I needed to make sure I wasn’t tired, and then I tried a few different meds, but adderall? Fucking perfect. Literal speed and pure focus.” He speaks of the medication like it’s a lover, soft in his caressing voice about it, smiling just a bit. “Then however, I was so hyped up, I couldn’t come down at night.”

“So… Ambien.” He nods.

“Ambien, knocks me the fuck out. But during the day, I was still under so much stress, living with the one mistake I made, and knowing I could never do it again, also the stress of the marriage. It was overwhelming, that was when I realized I needed a good anxiety med.”

“Xanax.” Your soft voice is met with his nod.

“Best anti anxiety there is, but it is strong, I found it worked best with Klonopin, a mix of the two? Couldn’t care less about shit in the world, and my mind is so fucking crystal clear. And that, intern, is how I became the top doctor there is, and how I’m about to be the top surgeon, and run the hospital.”

You blink a few times now. “You are?”

“Yeah I haven’t told anyone yet, but you should know.” He cups your face so gently, kissing your lips, tasting like the frappuccino, pure sugar as his lips dance across yours. “You’re brilliant, caring, fuck you’re gonna be such a perfect doctor, I can already see it.”

“Thank you, Satoru.” You kiss him back, gently, sighing as you sit in his embrace, in his quiet kitchen.

“I could get over the… living together. If you wanted one day.”

You blink at him then, shock, confusion and… of course happiness, making you gasp. “What?”

“You’ve seen it, and still choose to deal with me. Why, I don’t know… but I want to be open to it for you. I can’t… I never want kids, or marriage, but I could try to live with you.”

“Ah.” You pull back, and he swallows then, feeling how tense you are. “What if it happened by accident?”

“Pregnancy?”

“Yes.”

“Abortion.”

Your eyes go wide, mouth dropping. “What!?”

“It’s the simplest solution, but if you wanted to go off birth control, I could just get a vasectomy. It’d never come to that.” You can’t explain the devastation his words bring, and he notices your demeanor shift, cursing. “I need to work on how I say things, shit.”

“I would never get one.”

“What?” His shock is evident. “What do you mean never?”

“Never. Personally. I’m for them of course, we help perform them, and I’ll always respect a woman’s right to choose that. But I would never.”

“I see.” He looks away for a moment, then sighs. “I’ll get one, so shit never comes to that.”

“Satoru, that’s permanent damn near? What if you want kids later-”

“I never will.”

“With someone else!?”

“It’s only you. I only want you.” He’s kissing you now, dragging you against him, the stool itself screeching along the titles, breathless as he stares up at you. “I will never share you, with anyone or anything, I just want you. I can give you all that I fucking am, everything I have, anything.”

“I just… mmm…” He’s desperate in his kisses again, hands slipping up your thighs, and you feel the mix of arousal and terror growing in your heart.

“I love you.”

“Don’t say it if-”

“I do. I love you, only you. Fuck more than any drug, I’d inject you so goddamn deep baby.” You’re gasping out when he’s standing picking you up like you’re nothing, mouth devouring yours, kissing any sense away you had left. “I’ll make you so fucking happy all the time, you could walk all over me and I’d thank you.”

“Satoru!”

“Use me. Any way you need.” He’s got you laid out on his kitchen table now, exhaling as he sees your glistening cunt, eagerly unbuckling his jeans as he slips a finger between your slit. “Love your body, fuck.”

You’re crying out when he has his cock out so quickly you don’t process it, as he leans over you, still half dressed, you grip his jacket, legs trembling on either side while he runs his tip along your folds. He kisses you when he presses in, and you’re so tight he can barely get that thick, mushroomed tip in, you cry out against his lips as he groans.

“Perfect, tight little cunt, fuck.” He’s pulling back, shoving deeper, as deep as she could take him, and your eyes roll back in pleasure at the burn, the impossible stretch, while he kisses down your breasts, lapping a nipple over his own dress shirt.

“Oh my god.” You’re trembling when he pulls out again, going deeper, deeper inside your snug walls, which pulse and drool around the invasion, as he kisses his way back up your neck.

“I love you. Only you. God, just you.” Satoru kisses your worries away, and it’s not a good thing, it’s a horrible thing, because how the fuck can you even think of anything of your future when you can’t think. “I want you here, every fucking day.”

“Shh.” You kiss him now, desperate and hungry, hips arching off the cool wood to take more of him, he groans as he sinks deeper, and suddenly your phones are both going off, and you all know.

“Goddammit.” He groans out, kissing you again. “Getting called in.”

“We should…”

“No, you’re cumming first.” You gasp when Satoru yanks you down, turning you and pressing you against the table. “Arch that pretty ass, intern.”

You do just that, and Satoru’s yanking on that dress shirt, using it as leverage to fuck into you as your legs just dangle there off the floor, and you scream out your pleasure, earning his satisfied moan. His strokes are mean, brutal, but you want them - no - you fucking need them, need Satoru to fuck all the problems out of your goddamn head.

And fuck does he.

“L-love you…” He pauses now, cock throbbing inside you, leaning over and tilting your face to his, eyes glimmering, black again - from you or the cocktail of pills, you don’t know - so intense you can’t breathe.

“How could you love someone like me?” His broken voice makes you shake with sobs, you shake your head now, as your phones go off again.

“I do love you, Satoru. I do.” He whines out as you’re clenching him so fucking tight, kissing you desperately, a hand under your chin.

“God, those words, fuck. I’m dreaming.” He buries his face against your neck, slamming in so hard you both whimper, the arm that’s wrapped slides down, finding your pretty little clit that he loves to toy with, feeling you shaking in his grip, tightening down like a vise. “That’s it, cum f’me baby, you can do it.”

You fall apart in his embrace, lost in his pleasure, in his obsession, knowing this is a horrible idea, knowing this is a horrible person to fall for. Knowing you’re going to fucking lose yourself, but you eagerly give it all to him, to Satoru Gojo, who’s got you drooling, swiping it off as the wet noises of your slutty cunt mix with his filthy string of cuss words and tender declarations.

You’re in so deep you may never climb out.

*****

One Week Later

“Hey pretty doctor.” You smile at Choso later that afternoon, so excited for him now that you got the news.

“Hello Choso, you’re gonna love me.”

“I already do!”

“Mhmm.” You’re giggling as you shut the door, coming up to put a hand over his, and watching his heart rate jump. “Relax.”

“You’re too pretty, I'm sorry.” He’s pouting far too cutely, as you sit on the edge of the bed now.

“We just got the call, there’s a heart at another hospital.” His violet eyes light up, then dim, lashes lowering. “This is good, Choso, it is.”

“What if it doesn’t…”

“It will work. I know it. You’ll have the best surgeon-”

“And you?” You smile now, nodding at him, seeing his exhale of relief. “You’re gonna see all of me huh?”

“All your insides.” You both laugh, your hand still on his, he turns his own, thumb bruising your knuckles, making you just a bit flushed.

Your heart is stolen by a selfish doctor, but Choso is probably the sweetest human you’ve met, and you’ll be damned if anything happens to him. He’d chosen not to do the device yet, and to his benefit, because now he wouldn’t be weakened by a previous surgery.

“You’d make the best mom you know.” It’s so random you blink a bit, and he sighs, shaking his dark head. “That’s weird to say, you just have a nurturing instinct, you remind me of how my mom was.”

“Oh, was she amazing, hmm?” You try to play it off, and he nods now, as you stuff all your fucking feelings down.

This week has been amazing with Satoru, he's stayed at your place one night, you at his the other, you perform surgeries better and better as a team, he’s thoughtful, perfect, everything. He’s more considerate of things and what he says, he’s not seeming like he’s over using the prescriptions, you cannot complain one bit about Satoru and how much he’s trying.

But the elephant in the room is just what Choso casually said.

You’re giving it up forever.

“She was amazing, and I try to be that way with my little brother.”

“Oh, Yuuji, I’ve met him a few times now, he’s so sweet!”

“He is a good kid. I helped raise him with dad… gone.” You frown now, nodding and understanding.

“Mine is gone too. I appreciate you saying that Choso, it’s nice to know someone thinks I would be.” Hearing the pain in your voice suddenly, his thumb pauses its strokes.

“Who wouldn’t think that? Do you think you’re too busy for a kid or…”

“No. Not that, um.”

You suddenly feel it, the emotions hitting, you’ve been crying a lot for no good reason the past few days, hearing Choso was getting a heart was a bright spot, along with Satoru’s presence. But that’s always tinged with uncertainty, with pain, so very bittersweet in its beauty.

“It’s personal. I talk too much to you, I’m sure I-”

“Stop it, I love talking to you.” You lean forward, pressing a kiss on his cheek then, which blushes right away, bright pink. “You’re fast becoming a very good friend to me. I was so excited to tell you.”

“I’m glad you did. I didn’t know if… it would happen.” He smiles as you pull back, brushing your hair back just a bit. “You really are my angel.”

“Am not!” You’re giggling when the door opens, and Satoru sees the two of you, jaw tensing as he does. He knows you’ve gotten close, and Choso is so happy when you’re around everyone has let you focus on him lately.

But it smacks him in the fucking chest.

He wants to rip you off of him then, you’re his and only his, and he can’t stand for people looking at you let alone touching you. You peer back and smile at him, so pretty of course Choso is falling, clear as fucking day. He knows it’s not on your end, he knows he has you cumming on his cock every day, multiple times a day, but still something is infuriating him in that moment he can’t describe.

“Tell him the good news?” He smiles, putting on a mask like he doesn’t wanna pull your hair and drag you to him, like he doesn’t wanna fuck you until you can’t even look at anyone.

He knows it’s bullshit, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t run through his goddamn head.

“She did, I’m really excited. You’re the best, right Doc?”

“I am indeed.” Satoru comes up now, tensing as he sees you’re holding hands, and you pull back then, clearing your throat a bit. Satoru sees tears in your eyes. “Everything okay?”

“I told her she’d be a good mom. I think it was extra.”

“No, it was sweet.” You grin now, eyes glimmering, and Satoru feels it like a punch to the gut.

What if he would give you kids, would you fucking leave Satoru over it?

It’s not like he ever can. He knows he’s too selfish to love another person, and too obsessed with you as it was. He couldn’t have a whole child around, and he doubts he’d be any good. Hard to take your kid to practice when you live at work, and are constantly on things to not feel - or to feel.

But this week has been so fucking beautiful, by your side, inside you, on top of you, behind you. Finally confessing his love, and you returning it, why would you not want to keep it? Did he need to do more, to make you happier, so he could make sure you’d stay?

He can’t live without you.

The thought rips him to shreds.

“Ah. Well you need rest, we’re going to get that heart today.” Satoru gently helps you off the bed, and when you all walk out, he grabs your wrist, leaning down. “He’s getting awfully comfy with you.”

“He needs to be happy and strong for this. I’ll help him however I can.” You ease your wrist from his grip, raising your brows at him. “You’re the only person for me, I just care for him.”

“Rationally I know that,” he leans down now, a hand on your hip, pulling you close. “Irrationally, I wanna fuck every thought of him out of your pretty head.”

“Satoru…” He sighs, pulling back now, leaving you trembling in your goddamn scrubs in the middle of the hospital.

“What he said…”

“It was true.” You leave him to ponder it, turning away now. “I’ll see you in an hour to get the heart.”

“Yeah… okay.” You’re walking away too quickly, swiping at your tears as you go, leaving Satoru to curse under his breath.

How can he keep you if he’s not sure he’s worthy?

You rush away from him, trying to compose yourself, until you’re in the locker room, looking at your reflection in the mirror.

You’re happy, right?

This story is slow on updates but I do appreciate Dr. Gojo's 11 fans VERY much hehe. I hope you all enjoyed the toxic fuck fest- let's get Choso a damn heart!! (dw he'll be fine <3) and their drama isn't close to being done.

@lostfracturess @unfortunately-tia @allofffmypeaches @makingtimemine @antisocialinlw @meg3mis @zoeyflower @wstaley2 @bunheadusa @blue-musingss @ameliariddle @labelt-san @jkslaugh97 @shadeowz @gojo1228 @jaeminaur @httpstoyosi @angel1of-death @seeing-stars-alt @bol0-de-morang0 @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @trishiepo0 @inthedarkshadows000 @gina239 @san-it-is-i-guess @pelicanpizza @gojo1228 @ducky1232 @inthedarkshadows000 @eclecticmentalitypersona @burguhndy @levislug @addehehe @sluttyofgojo @msniks @xixflower @ambiguouslady42 @kiaraandrea @jjknanamin @suguruscousin @silverfangmarks @atiny-99 @thatssoambs @kanekisheart @mahalsuya @kimkimoruo @hoelynecujoh @abiiebibie @procastinatingbitch

[yaseraphine]

pick a card 10 - who is your future lover ? a full portrait

masterlist / ko-fi

my last reading : what's next in love ?

This is a general reading. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

ANNOUNCEMENT : Like I already mentionned in previous posts, I will soon open my tarot services (Ko-fi shop). Over the course of the beginning of next week, more information will be posted. The week after (7/04 to 13/04), I will publish the rules and all the technicalities that concern the tarot services. So if you're interested in having a personal reading with me, stay tuned for new info in the coming days !

Pile 1

Who are they ?

Core personality : Fixed - Stability, Persistence, Loyalty and Dependability

The core personality of your future lover is that they are a stable, loyal and dependable person. They probably have prominent fixed energies in their birth chart (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius). Mainly fire and earth fixed energies. This person is really masculine, no matter what their gender is.

They are really headstrong, and do not like when things don’t go their way. They usually are the leader of the group. They are really good at managing money, and any material things in general. They can enjoy luxurious things, but aren’t overconsumers. 

They are more traditional in their values, some might be religious. 

They are the type to want to get married one day, HOWEVER I feel like now , and that is only for half of the people who picked this pile, they might not be exactly ready for a long term relationship. They still have issues to work on. For the other half of the people here, they are ready and are actively seeking a long term relationship. The person in this second group is really stable at the time, has a pretty good salary (some could even be quite rich) and they are looking to settle down. For the other group, the reason why they are not ready to settle yet is because your person is probably younger and does not have a stable situation at the moment. 

A random fact that I am picking up on is that they like wearing costumes, and smell GOOD. You probably recognize them the moment they enter a room because of the smell that comes in. I don't know how to explain, they just have a strong signature scent. 

Some of them could LOVE working, maybe some are even workaholics. I am just getting that they hate staying inside doing nothing. They are just really active people, the type to wake up at 5am or 6am on a Sunday morning to run or go hiking lol If you aren’t like this, my fellow Pile 1, they will help you go out of your comfort zone for sure.

Light attribute(s) : The Emperor

It follows what I said above, but this person is really masculine and a true go-getter. Really confident in themselves and their own abilities. They start a lot of projects and make sure they finish them in time. Probably quite extraverted, like getting attention (but only positive attention they don’t like embarrassing themselves in public lol I mean pretty understandable).

Again, they are a leader, they like to initiate things, they could plan your dates. 

Their primary love language could be acts of service. Despite being a bit individualistic, they are surprisingly super service oriented. Could have 6th house placements. 

They take care of their bodies, and I am getting that they are really good cooks. 

Honestly pile 1, you will end up being pampered by this person. I am seeing a man carrying a girl on his shoulder because the girl feet hurts after wearing heels for too long lmaoo I am just seeing those (a bit cringy to me sorry) videos, especially on Douyin (help-) of those dark romance couples (without the TOXICITY OK) where the girl gets princess treatment lol If you like that, then it’s a dream come true for you. 

(this list was more a description of positive facts about them then their light attributes but anyways lol)

Shadow attribute(s) : 4 of wands (and ace of wands)

They have a tendency to be really controlling. This person has a hard time handling their anger, or more so frustration when things don’t go as planned in their lives. This usually results in them panicking and they end up kind of lashing out on the people around them. Now, to reassure you, this person is not abusive or manipulative at all, they are a really honest and straight person. When I say they “have a hard time handling their anger” it is usually momentary and they genuinely excuse themselves afterwards. They are quite self-aware of their shadow traits it seems, because I kept on seeing them being ashamed of their anger issues. I feel like they are working on these issues consistently, and they are always walking towards healing these issues because I am really picking up that this person made tremendous efforts these past few years.

Another downside is that they can be too impulsive at times. They do have some patience though, but, sometimes, they get a lot of ideas and want to rush things instead of letting divine timing play out. 

They also are a little bit too competitive and can take stupid games a bit too seriously lmaoo They are the type to flip the monopoly game board and accuse people of cheating, the kind to reread the rules and fact check them online to see if the penalty they got is fair or not. If you are like that too, this will be a funny pair haha If you aren’t, this might become really tiring at some point.

They also might be a little too cocky or ego driven at times.

MBTI : ESFJ 

Life path : Life path 1 , The Warrior

Life motto : "Life is simple, get into the moment."

What do they look like ? Their vibe ? essence ? 

Kibbe body type : Natural / Yang-Balanced 

Here’s a description of this body type (i found this on reddit, but it does the work so don’t judge me) 

“NATURAL: Usually of sturdy or athletic build. Face may be craggy with irregular features, or perhaps has a square jaw and wide-set eyes or simply a rugged and outdoorsy look. Might have freckles, and hair is rarely glossy.”

Face type essence

Romantic : keywords of this face type essence => indulgence, alluring, sensual, curvier, glamour, luxury, soft, and lush lips.

House Nine (+ Saturn) - Spiritual Growth 

So, I am getting that your person, if they’re a man, most likely looks like those stereotypical handsome men in perfume ads.* I heard “handsome squidward” lmaooo. Go watch Addison Rae’s Diet Pepsi music video. I am getting the guy in the video probably looks like your future lover. Congrats, pile 1, you’re about to bag a hot one lol

They just generally look really sensual. They moisturize their skin thoroughly , both face and body, so they are glistening 24/7. I am getting that they look wet ?? They also probably wear gel on their hair, maybe enjoy having this ‘wet hair type of look”. Most likely has a goatee or a goatee with a mustache. 

For women, I am not really picking up on much. The people that chose this pile are most likely going to date a man. 

But, if I can say something is that, no matter their gender, this person could look racially ambiguous. 

They also have a really daddy-like appearance (i am saying that because they have strong Sun, Jupiter and Saturn energies. really stereotypically masculine.). They also look reliable, intimidating and intense. This person might have Saturn in the first house or are cancer or capricorn rising. Even Leo risings or sagittarius risings for some. 

*note : perfume or cologne or just scent is a big thing in this pile. This person or you or both of you could have a particular relationships with perfumes, and scent in general. You or them might work in a perfume shop, or something related to that field. This person might collect a lot of perfume and have a signature scent. Beware because their signature perfume IS NOT a popular one, really obscure high class brand (or they custom made it for some even). You might meet this person when you buy a new perfume, or when you decide to have your own signature scent. 

Pile 2

Who are they ?

Core personality : Uranus - Radically change

Before pulling any cards, I already felt a strong rebellious energy from this person. This is most likely someone who lives on the edge with a unique job. A DJ, an OF girlie, or just a sex worker in general. Some of them could work in sex shops ? I am getting someone that actually MAKES the models for new dildos or sex toys. Like a sex toy artist ? creator ? (does that even exist ?). They could also be a psychic, a medium, or a tarot reader that works exclusively with sexual energy ? Some of them could also be strippers or exotic dancers. I am getting the movie Anora might be relevant for some here. This is going to be hyper specific but they could be a photographer that takes pictures of dead animals or corpses ? Generally speaking, this person works in a really taboo and unexpected industry. They probably have multiple streams of income. This person, despite being so freedom seeking, and loving novelty and thrill chasing, is really business minded and actually surprisingly stable (financially). They probably are really comfortable materially speaking. I am sensing that a lot of people judge them, but at the same time envy them because they are courageous enough to be unapologetically themselves and go beyond what is expected to be free financially and in general.

This person probably has capricorn, aquarius and sagittarius placements. Really sarcastic, a bit unpredictable, funny but can have the "foot in the mouth" syndrome. Some might love to swear like a sailor. Probably has a dry sense of humour. Could have grown up in poverty. One of their parents could have died when they were young. Some were adopted. Whatever the case may be, this person had a really tough childhood and upbringing that made them passionate about making their own money and creating their own life and reality. People that harshly judge them don’t understand the pain they had to go through to be where they are at right now. This person is a warrior of life honestly.

Light attribute(s) : Eight of Wands - Vehuel “The Great and Exalted God”

This person is extremely passionate and driven. They have no problems planning and jumping in action right away. They don’t overthink and waste time ruminating. They are a go getter and life made them learn the harsh way that if you wait too long, the opportunities will unfortunately pass you by just like the wind. You have to grab them when you can.

I don’t know how this is a light attribute but they are hot, and they know how to present themselves in a hot way ? They know how to preserve that “hotness” and use it at their advantage. They have an incredible sense of style, and know what fits them or not. Even if most of them have (most likely) an alternative lifestyle and style fashion wise, they know how to make it look good and make other people validate their style. Like they understand the rules of society and they play with it. Despite not fitting in, they know how to make themselves fit in enough to play around with capitalism. This is super interesting to be honest. This person is most likely a Capricorn Sun. Really good at knowing the social expectations and understanding “human nature” and the game of money, and how to play with it. I am hearing “making capitalism my bitch” lol and the quote in the background of Lisa’s Money music video “ Money is an incredible servant but a terrible master” or something like that. (They are a really materialistic person it seems)

Shadow attribute(s) : 4 of Pentacles 

Well…. I knew this energy would come up for their shadow side…Yes, they know how to make “capitalism their bitch”, but they are nonetheless really greedy and stingy with their money. They are an overtly materialistic individual, who is obsessed with money and finances. Money is ALWAYS on their mind. So much so that, as you saw in the “Core personality” section of this reading, their entire self surrounds around making money, ways to make money, how to make money and how to make even more money,.. 

This person is honestly The Devil archetype… Could have a machiavellistic way of thinking. They are the type to think that the means justify the ends. This could in turn make them quite sadistic and selfish. They could also suffer from addictions they don’t address : could be smoking cigarettes, weed, alcohol, sex or drugs. I am getting most of them, they are a little bit addicted to all of the things I listed above. 

Now. I know a lot of you are probably freaking out while reading this (which is totally understandable) but I feel most of you guys who picked this pile are like this too OR are in their way of becoming like this, having this lifestyle (making your own money in unusual ways, partying, hanging out with alt people, people who live unique lifestyles,;..).If you don’t resonate with that, this may not be your pile. 

MBTI : ESFP

Life path : Life path 11 - The Illuminator/Psychic (+ Life path 8 - The Influencer)

Life motto : "You decide who you are" and "You grow through what you go through."

What do they look like ? Their vibe ? essence ? 

Kibbe body type  : Gamine 

If woman : “The Gamine body type is defined by an even combination of yin and yang opposites and is the overall combination of a sharply delicate physicality along with a fresh and spicy essence.

Body type is straight. Lithe and lean, tends toward sinewy musculature. Tends toward flatness in bust and hips (unless overweight). May be very leggy. Possibly slightly short-waisted.”

If man : Small in stature, boyish face and body and perpetually young-looking. 

Face type essence : Classic => keywords of this face type essence : elegant, simple looking, balance, symmetry, timeless, basic, default settings face, neutral, conservative (what lol), controlled looking, formal

House Two - Physical security, Possessions, Material Values

This person looks poor and rich at the same time. they wear grunge clothes, from charity shops, clothes with stitches and holes in them, tear up clothes,.. It is both intentional (it is their style) but also because they don’t give a shit if they look “homeless”. They like that look. 

Despite making pretty decent amounts of money, and trying their best to appear good in society so that they can benefit from the system, they don’t spend much on clothes. I think this careless attitude towards the way they dress is what makes them stand out, and oddly enough, in a good way. It’s like their style is messy but they look effortlessly good. 

Not much stands out when it comes to their face. They look pretty normal. I feel like it is their stature, their body, their clothing style and the way they carry themselves that stands out. 

Some of them might not be particularly pretty or handsome, but they are still quite attractive, just for other reasons than their physical beauty. 

They could have prominent eye bags, some don’t care about having greasy hair and messy buns, tangled hair. They are not gross by any means, like, they take showers. They might just not be the cleanest and most hygienic person out there. I am sensing that, especially if they are a man, they walk like a GTA character. They have the GTA walk basically. For women, they have the BBL walk (lol) or they also walk like characters in GTA, specifically GTA strippers. 

Pile 3

Who are they ?

Core personality : 

Pile 3… How do I say this.. It was almost impossible to get one card for their core personality. Every card that fell felt really off to me, like it didn’t make sense. Especially since all of them were extremely contradictory : Pluto and House ten wanted to fall first, then the Leo card was at the top of the deck. I reshuffled and the Mutable card fell??? Which, if you don’t know, is a completely opposite energy from the previous cards (Pluto and Leo being fixed energies, and House Ten cardinal and earthy, so really assertive and kind of fixed in a way). Then I reshuffled because I was REALLY confused just to have the Fire card (the fire signs card) ??!! This whole messy process of trying to get their core personality is telling that this person has MANY layers, and that one card just would not be enough to describe them. At first, they might appear confident, like a go-getter (the Fire card), but then, you see this flexible, more, light-hearted and adaptable energy coming from them once you get to know them more (the Mutable signs card). But then, you discover this deeply driven and influential, career oriented, boss bitch side of them when you dig even deeper. For a majority of you though, this process would most likely be the other way around  : first, you see how intense, dark and career oriented they are. They appear almost famous, with a resting b*tch face, and a no bs attitude. Really intimidating at first. But then, you’re getting surprised once you talk to them by discovering how super chill and friendly they actually are. But then, you get surprised again once you discover that this person can actually be the life of the party, really lighthearted and down to have a blast at any moment. They are not just calculating, overtly serious and too intense. They also know how to have fun, and are really good at it. I am seriously getting that your future lover is/or might be really good at twerking. lol No matter their gender, they are a pro at throwing it back. They really are a fun and complex individual.

Light attribute(s) : Six of Pentacles and Nine of Cups (again, one card wasn’t enough for them.. Pile 3, you’re person is giving me a headache lmaooo)

This person is extremely generous and charitable. They know how to share their blessings with others, especially the ones in need. Your future lover probably has volunteered at least once in their lives. They probably are really active in their local community to help the ones in need, or just to volunteer because they want to. 

This person is grateful for their life and their opportunities. They know how to accept life’s blessings with open warms and be grateful for them. They are generally speaking a more positive and optimistic person and they know things will get better eventually.

Shadow attribute(s) : 7 of Swords

The card literally flew away and I didn’t even shuffle… Be warned pile 3.. (don’t freak out I am just playing)

So, this person might have a tendency to not always tell the truth to keep the harmony. They might be a bit too nice. They will withhold certain information, lie and deceit just to not make someone mad. The problem in this is that at the end, everyone gets mad because they all got lied to someway somehow. This reminds me of the first season of Arcane and how Jayce was trying to appeal to the Juries (or whatever they are called) and Mel but at the same time there was his OG friend, Viktor, that he let down. Because Jayce is a people pleaser, and was trying to do what was right, he got lost in other people’s expectations and let down his friends to then let down the people he was trying to appeal to once he realized the situation he put himself into. (It’s been a while since I watched the first season of Arcane so maybe it is not 100% what happened but you get the core message)

MBTI : ESTJ, ESFJ, ISTP

Life path : Life path 9 - The Sage (+ Life path 33 - The Spiritual Teacher)

Life motto : "Go where you are wanted" (are they really acting on their life motto… that is the question)

What do they look like ? Their vibe ? essence ? 

Kibbe body type  : Soft Gamine, Theatrical Romantic

“The Soft Gamine silhouette can be described as staccato, animated, and with clean curves." Soft Gamines are typically petite and compact, with a slightly boyish figure.

Face type essence : Ethereal => keywords about this face type essence : maturity, wisdom, purity, old soul, outwordly, magical, ancient, unusual looking

Mutable - Surrender, fluidity and welcoming change

Their looks could vary a lot for each of you I am getting. They could look racially ambiguous, look friendly, almost angel-like for some.

I am honestly not picking up on much for their appearance because I feel like their appearance doesn’t (or shouldn’t ?) matter. It is like you will like the way they look regardless, probably also because this might not be your usual physical type. 

I am also getting that this person will look like the way you want them to look like ? I know this sounds insane but I kept on getting images of the Sims or games where you can manually create and customize your characters. It is like you customized them by yourself in the subconscious realm. Not what you dreamt of consciously, which are physical ideals that are usually driven mostly by the ego. No, this person will actually look like what your higher self has been cooking up and manifesting (without your consent lol) behind your back. So, even if they’re not your physical type, you will be subconsciously attracted to them because it is your higher self’s type.

I even think that some of you will feel super physically and/or sexually attracted to this person initially, which might shock you because it feels like it is coming out of nowhere lol

Okay Pile 3, your pile was a little wild but really fun to do ! Sorry if it is slightly shorter than the other piles. I just feel like your guardian angels and your higher self are purposefully gatekeeping some info away from me intentionally. 

Pile 4

Who are they ?

Core personality : Chiron - Hurt and Heal (+ Capricorn)

I am getting that this person was deeply wounded in the past, but has healed tremendously ever since. This person was born with a heavy karmic burden. They always felt like their presence was too “loud”, that they took too much space, like they were the elephant in the room. I am picking up this person could have a capricorn rising with saturn and chiron in the first house. Their entire being and identity is filtered through the painful and restrictive energy of Chiron and Saturn. The SOUR album of Olivia Rodrigo could be relevant for some of them or you/ or just both of you. I am saying that because, to do your pile, I stopped watching a SOUR album reaction on youtube lol I actually think Olivia Rodrigo is herself a Capricron rising with Chiron in the first house (poor her). Anyways. This person has a unique connection to music. They probably have a huge vinyl collection, and are extremely cultured in music history. They love listening to all sorts of music genres and are really open minded. They might be a bit awkward or shy at first, but you will instantly be impressed by their music knowledge. They actually might know how to play a few instruments. I am getting the bass, but also the drums. Also with the picture of your pile, they could be a Dj, or are friends with people who work in the music industry/field. They might be themselves in the music industry. I am getting if they’re a man, they probably have a grungy style of clothing, they wear shirts of metal bands, and have longer hair. If you see them play, they’ll be quite lowkey, just the bass player at the back. They love music, and even if they are an artist, they are not looking for fame at all. They enjoy being mostly unknown, or just known in their small local community. Random but you might meet them and they’re playing the drums or bass in a cover of jealousy, jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo.

I am getting a lot of “sad girl” music (not the best term, just angsty and sad music made by women). From the start by Laufey is coming up. This person might have always been in one sided love situations. Poor them, they seem so sweet ;/ Don’t ever tell me they aren’t shitty placements to have when there is this person as an example.. 

I think this person has always stayed resilient despite the pain that Saturn and Chiron is causing them. Like the heartbreaks never made them bitter. This person is really emotionally strong, honestly. They know how to not take things too seriously. They are really good at handling rejection.

Light attribute(s) : Four of Cups

This person is really patient. They know how to weigh the pros and the cons and not take everything at face value. 

They are really good at reading between the lines, and know how to take a step back when needed. 

They aren’t desperate, and they understand the concept of boundaries really well. 

They are also really realistic and always make sure not to jump to conclusions. 

If you are a really stressed individual, they are the best fit for you. They are extremely empathetic and patient, and they know that it is completely useless to say “calm down” to someone who is in the midst of having a panic attack lol 

They are really educated in mental health too. I am getting this is most likely a bisexual man, some are cis men, some are trans men, I just think this person is actively part of the LGBTQ+ community. Really left wing. Some might even be marxist, far left. Either way, they are really politicized and are concerned for society. I don’t know i felt drawn to put this in the light attributes lmaoo it is more so a fact about them, but if you share the same political views, it actually makes sense.

Shadow attribute(s) : 7 of Wands

They might have a hard time handling conflict and might have a tendency sometimes to run away from issues, or put them under the rug until the problems all come together flooding at them and they don’t know what to do. 

They might sometimes easily get overwhelmed and need a lot of alone time because of that. 

They are not the best at voicing their problems. They are not really verbal generally speaking, which could be frustrating for people who are direct and literal. 

MBTI : INFJ ( I am getting strong Kurt Cobain vibes from your person. Such a sensitive soul <3)

Life path : Life Path 1 - The Warrior (+ Life path 6 - The Nurturer)

Life motto : "it comes and goes.." / "I am divinely protected at all times <3"

What do they look like ? Their vibe ? essence ? 

Kibbe body type : Flamboyant natural

“These men are masculine, but share the Dramatic height and longer bones. They have broad, blunt shoulders and broader chests than the Dramatics. / They have broadness in some parts of their bodies, and wider bones (wider hands and feet, sharp jaw-lines, larger noses). When they pack on muscle, their body becomes a T-shape”

Face type essence : Romantic => keywords of this face type essence => indulgence, alluring, sensual, curvier, glamour, luxury, soft, and lush lips.

Saturn - Feel restricted, Experience struggle, Learn Hard Work and Patience

This person’s bone structure really sticks out. If they’re a man (which is most likely for most of you here), they have a larger waist, like their waist isn’t defined at all. They are most likely either average-short height or quite tall. Not skinny, not fat or chubby. They are slim-thick I am getting ??! I don’t know if you can say that for a man though ?(I don’t think so but bear with me lmaoo). Like they are not slim and have abs, but they don’t have a beer belly either. They are "normal" I guess.

Their limbs could be quite long too. Like their arms are super long, so  it almost looks like their hands are touching their knees ? It is really hard to explain.

Some of them could have a hunchback or a posture problem. Like they have scoliosis and sit in a really particular way. 

Some of them could have a roman nose, their nose might be bigger in general. I am seeing that one jewish stand-up comedian, he always comes up in my Youtube reels lol I think he has an italian name (ok I found him his name is Gianmarco Soresi , he is really funny lol. He is known for his elbows I think, like there is a running inside joke about his elbows. I know this is weird but look him up, he has really long limbs. They might have a similar vibe to him, the way they carry himself ,their humor, the way they interact with other people, etc…

Pile 5

Who are they ?

Core personality : 

Currently shuffling to get one oracle card for their core personality, and, just like Pile 3, it is REALLY confusing. Two cards fell first, then 1 card that had nothing to do with the two first ones fell and then yet another one that had even LESS correlation to what I previously shuffled fell.

What I am getting from this confusing shuffling is that this person is a shapeshifter, a chameleon, a social butterfly (but not a frivolous one). They kind of remind me of Jayce from Arcane in a way (go read Pile 3 if you want, because I just mentioned Jayce too in Pile 3’s reading, there are a lot of mirroring between the two piles). What I am getting though is that they are really calculated and intentional in the way they display this “social butterfly” energy. They are not just social to be social, or in a “ I am so happy to be there yolo slayy”. They keep track of every single one of their connections, how it is going, etc… Really good communicator. Extraverted and a bit controlling (they just have a tight schedule and are well organised so it’s not excessive.). I also heard “Social engineer”. This person is really good at socializing, understanding people’s motives and using it to their and the community’s advantage. They know how to act and with who, what to say and how to say it according to each person they meet. Now, I do not think they are manipulative in a bad way. They are honest, generally, but could lie by omission when needed. This person could also smell good lol (random I know). I am getting most of the people who chose this pile’s future lover will be a man, but a man with heavy Libra/ feminine energies. I am seeing Siwon from the K-pop group Super Junior. So, this person could be a bit conservative or more traditional in their values (because Siwon, if I am not mistaken, is a huge christian for better and (mostly) for worse…) Your person could be homophobic or hold certain views that were taught to them from a really young age; You know those “christian values”. Let me share with you something Choi Siwon said about homosexuality in an interview back in 2007  : “While I respect all genders, I do not wish to acknowledge homosexuals as I have been taught that God created Man and Woman with specific characteristics and duties”. I am getting a minority of you could think the same, but a majority actually are dying inside reading this (honestly, me too). This relationship could be a karmic one (karmic does not mean bad by the way) that teaches them to be more flexible with their values, and accept more progress and diversity? This person could’ve been groomed to think that way since they were a child. I think deep down they are a really open minded soul. This person could have a north node in gemini or the 3rd house : they could be really preachy and stuck in their own belief system. Really resistant to change and progress. (they don’t have to be conservative/christian it could also be any belief they are clinging onto). Your presence in their life could shift their view and push them out of this stubborn preachy “I am right you are wrong, my truth is THE truth” kind of mindset. To reassure you : NO YOU WILL NOT BE A BOB/BARBARA THE BUILDER. Most of you know your worth, and if this person doesn’t want to change, you know damn well it’s their problem and not yours. You will not try to “fix” them by any means. (needed to make this precision because some people could think I am describing a savior/martyr dynamic when really it is a teacher/student dynamic (you being the teacher, of course). There won’t be any kind of power imbalances so don’t worry (and you can also always choose to not enter in this relationship when the opportunity presents itself to you)

Light attribute(s) : Temperance

This person is really patient and diligent. 

This person is also really spiritual and aware of concepts such as “divine timing”; They know that rejection is divine protection and are able to not take things at heart. 

They know how to see the bigger picture. 

They are extremely good teachers/mentors/gurus , and are good at sharing spiritual knowledge. They are really wise.

Shadow attribute(s) : 5 of Swords

They could be a bit sneaky. Like they do things behind people’s back, and hide some stuff to get what they want. It is just the shadow side of their social engineer personality. 

They could sacrifice too much, sometimes go to excess to get recognition and success. 

They LOVE positive attention and compliments, so, they could overdo it or act as if they have more than they actually do just to impress people.

They have a bit of ego paired with some self esteem issues that makes them seek out external validation a bit too much. They could also let other people decide for themselves in the way that they want to make sure everything they do or/and say is socially accepted/acceptable. 

They just want to fit in and they hate being the weirdo/ the scapegoat. It might actually be one of their worst fears : to be left out of the group, to not be in the “in” crowd, the popular crowd. This is a shadow because they have a hard time expressing their own desires and to do whatever they want/be authentically themselves. 

MBTI : ENFJ

Life path : Life Path 6

Life motto : "Control how you respond to things sent to destroy your peace."

What do they look like ? Their vibe ? essence ? 

Kibbe body type : Natural 

(this pile feels like a mix of Pile 1 and Pile 3. Go read them if you hesitated with those piles/or just to see additional messages)

Natural / Yang-Balanced 

Here’s a description of this body type (i found this on reddit, but it does the work so don’t judge me) 

“NATURAL: Usually of sturdy or athletic build. Face may be craggy with irregular features, or perhaps has a square jaw and wide-set eyes or simply a rugged and outdoorsy look. Might have freckles, and hair is rarely glossy.”

Face type essence : Ingenue

Keywords associated with this face type essence :  Cute, Idealism, Youthful, Femininity, Small, Sweet, Pretty, Gentle, Innocence, delicate

Sagittarius - Optimism, Exploration and Freedom

They probably are really “thick”. They probably are more on the muscular side, some could be muscular and  chubby at the same time. They just look taller or bigger than average, they have a “big” energy when they enter any room. They just naturally take more space. Really “larger than life” appearance/ vibe. Their thighs and legs are the most prominent part of their bodies. They are taller than average. 

Pile 6

Sorry in advance Pile 6, your reading is a bit cryptical at times. The energy of your future lover is really hard to grasp onto but I think that is on purpose. You will know more about them just as you get to know them.

Who are they ?

Core personality : Pluto - Transform / Libra - Consideration, Fairness and Harmony

This person has a really transformative and intense personality, but at the same time they are really balanced and harmonious ? They are healthily obsessive, they seek harmony in the secrets, the taboo. Everything that is dark and hidden, they express it artistically, they show the darkness diplomatically. 

I don’t really know though, I think their energy is really hard to get. Really enigmatic individual. They might wake up one day, and be a person to then wake up the day after and be another person. It is like they consistently “die”. They never cling to a specific identity or personality. They are everlastingly changing. But, them being in a constant state of change doesn’t make them chaotic either. They shed their old skin/ die really harmoniously. Their constant changes aren’t messy and abrupt. They tend to be really quiet and really observant. Like a feline waiting to pounce on their prey at any moment. This person could be really attractive like magnetic, almost high fashion model attractiveness. When they walk by, everyone turns their heads to admire their lethal confidence, theri sharp aura, and their deadly stare. 

This person is probably an artist too : a painter, a poet and a writer. They probably have many artistic talents that they indulge in a lot. I am picking up that this person is probably an 8th houser (have 3 or more planets in the 8th house) with a stellium of planets in Libra (sign of beauty, art and harmony). They know how to create divinely and they have an amazing artistic flair. They are amazing with their hands. Their hands could actually be their most attractive feature.

Light attribute(s) : The Devil

Well… this is an interesting card that fell for their LIGHT attributes lol This person is so mysterious to read omg

So, this person is really comfortable in their shadow. Even though they probably don't know what a “shadow” side is, they’ve explored it and they went into the depths of it already. 

They aren’t scared to face their demons. They are extremely honest and real, and are highly aware of their toxic traits and shadow side and don’t bother hiding them away. 

I just think that their honesty and transparency is the thing that sticks out the most. Their lightest attributes is found in their own exploration of their shadow side

Shadow attribute(s) : Queen of Pentacles

okay.. I heard something really weird but this person could be a sex addict ?? I just think it only applies to a minority of you though. But I don't think it means they are literally addicted to the act, they just are obsessed with the concept of "sex" and sexuality in general. This obsession might make them a hard person to have a "mundane" conversation with.

I think they could just be overtly disconnected to their bodies. They could try to mesh too much with their spiritual side that they forget their bodies. 

They could also be too fixated on the darker sides of life, on the deep and hidden that they forget to do mundane things. Like they cannot uphold a casual conversation, they can only interact when the subject is death or sex. There is just an imbalance in their energy. They pour too much energy in things that are transcendental so they forget the materialistic side of life.

In summery, they are just too obsessed with taboo topics (death, sex,...)

MBTI : ESFP

Life path : Life path 6 - The Nurturer

Life motto : "it comes and goes." / "when you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.”

What do they look like ? Their vibe ? essence ? 

Kibbe body type : Flamboyant natural or Soft Dramatic, Romantic and Classic ALL at the same time (mainly the first two though) (this person’s face card is LETHAL)

Face type essence : Gamine, Dramatic and Romantic (they are a mix of all of those)

Gamine => Quirky, Playful, boyish, dramatic, childlike, rebellious, whimsical, creative, youthful

Dramatic => Danger, sharp, narrow, boldness, wildness, theatrical, extravagance

Romantic => keywords of this face type essence => indulgence, alluring, sensual, curvier, glamour, luxury, soft, and lush lips.

Classic => Elegant, balance, controlled looking, symmetry, timeless, basic, default setting face, conservative, formal, neutral

Capricorn - Ambition, Realism and Methodical Steps (+ House Twelve - Spirituality, Transcendence, Karma, Sacrificial service, and healing)

This person looks ETHEREAL. High fashion niche brand model look. They look straight out of an anime, a webtoon and a runway AT THE SAME TIME. Many people could be jealous of them because of how good-looking they are. 

All I am hearing is “FACE CARD ? LETHAL.”. This person has a really intimidating energy, a striking aura and an authoritative vibe. Their depths and contradictions melt together and show up in such a way in their faces, and body, and the way they walk, talk , and look at people in a really fascinating way. Everyone thinks they’re good looking, but not everyone admits it out of jealousy. 

Some of them could have clear skin, or acne that looks aesthetic on their faces ? I’ve been seeing angel oracle cards (like angel michael,..) in my head so they probably look like an angel themselves. Go search for Mannerism paintings/art/painters. They remind me of those erotic homosexual (really sensual and sexual) paintings of the Renaissance.

⋆.˚🦋༘⋆stay blessed everyone⋆.˚🦋༘⋆

[cazshmere]

Moon Signs and the Trap of Manipulation 🎭

materialist🔖

DISCLAIMER: This post is meant to bring awareness to subtle manipulation tactics that each Moon sign might be more vulnerable to. Being aware of these patterns can help you set better boundaries and protect yourself from being taken advantage of. Remember, manipulation isn’t always obvious, and recognizing these behaviors can help you stay in control of your own choices. These are just my personal observations so please take them with a grain of salt 🎭

♈ Aries Moon

1. People pretend to be your friends but secretly compete with you, trying to one-up or outshine you.

2. Manipulators make you feel like you’re in charge, knowing that stroking your ego makes you more willing to comply.

3. You can be guilt-tripped into taking the lead in situations, even when it’s not beneficial to you.

4. You might be manipulated into unnecessary fights, arguments, or rivalries by people who provoke you on purpose.

5. People may secretly compete with you by copying your ideas, style, or achievements while pretending to admire you. They subtly try to outdo you or take credit for your originality, making you feel the need to constantly prove yourself.

🎭 for instance a “friend” that always hypes you up as the leader but subtly takes credit for your ideas and efforts. you end up doing all the work while they sit back and benefit.

♉ Taurus Moon

1. People use financial or emotional security to gain control over you.

2. Being pampered with gifts, acts of service, or luxurious experiences can make you overlook red flags sometimes.

3. Some people make you dependent on them so that you feel like you need them to be okay.

4. Fear of change or instability can be used to keep you in a stagnant or toxic situation.

5. People may appeal to your loyalty, making you feel guilty for leaving situations that no longer serve you.

🎭 okay so for instance a partner provides for you financially and always does nice things for you, but slowly starts controlling where you go, what you do, and who you see. since they’ve “done so much for you”, you feel guilty setting boundaries.

♊ Gemini Moon

1. People who can keep up with your mind can subtly steer your opinions and perceptions.

2. If someone engages you in deep, interesting conversations, you may ignore their true motives.

3. You might be manipulated through fast-talking, gaslighting, or cleverly twisted words.

4. You could be distracted by fun, new ideas, or constant entertainment, making you miss underlying manipulation.

5. People can create an “information overload”, overwhelming you so you stop questioning them.

🎭 okay so lets say there’s this friend who always has fascinating conversations with you but subtly inserts their own biases and over time, you start adopting their beliefs without realizing they’ve been shaping your opinions💀 scary ngl

♋ Cancer Moon

1. People who play the victim can make you feel responsible for their happiness.

2. You may stay in toxic situations out of loyalty, especially if someone reminds you of past good times.

3. Guilt-tripping tactics like “after everything I’ve done for you” can make you feel obligated to help.

4. Some people use their emotions to control your actions, acting sad or hurt whenever you set boundaries.

5. Fear of abandonment can be exploited to keep you stuck in draining relationships.

🎭 okay so lets say a family member constantly reminds you how much they sacrificed for you, making you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself. even when they mistreat you, you feel like you “owe” them loyalty.

♌ Leo Moon

1. Flattery and constant praise can blind you to manipulation.

2. People who make you feel special or put you on a pedestal can subtly control your actions.

3. Your fear of being embarrassed or looking bad in public can be used against you.

4. Manipulators may guilt you into staying by making you feel like their admiration is conditional.

5. Someone may create a situation where they “need” you to save them, making you feel heroic.

🎭 for example a partner constantly praises you in public but privately criticizes and controls you. you don’t want to leave because you feel like everyone sees you as a “power couple” because of the manipulation😕

♍ Virgo Moon

1. People convince you that you owe them help or that it’s your job to fix things.

2. You might be guilt-tripped into doing more by people who act helpless or incompetent.

3. Manipulators use your perfectionism against you, making you feel like nothing you do is “enough”.

4. Constant subtle criticism can make you dependent on their validation.

5. You might be drawn to “projects” or people who seem broken but just need your help to “change”.

🎭 let’s say a boss subtly criticizes your work but also tells you that “no one else can do it like you,” making you work extra hard for their approval😕

♎ Libra Moon

1. People use your desire for peace to pressure you into saying yes.

2. Manipulators guilt you into staying by saying you’re being “cold” or “selfish.”

3. Someone may use social circles or mutual connections to trap you in toxic dynamics.

4. You may stay in bad situations to avoid confrontation or looking like the bad guy.

5. Love-bombing (excessive charm and attention) can make you ignore red flags.

🎭 a friend always acts hurt whenever you say no, making you feel guilty. you keep agreeing to things just to avoid feeling like a bad person.

♏ Scorpio Moon

1. People create deep emotional connections quickly to trap you.

2. Secrets, shared trauma, or deep conversations can be used as a tool to control you.

3. Someone might convince you that only they truly understand you, making you dependent on them.

4. Emotional blackmail, threats, or withholding affection can keep you attached.

5. Manipulators might play with your trust issues, making you feel like you are the problem.

🎭 let’s say a partner love-bombs you, creates an intense emotional bond, then slowly isolates you from others, making you feel like they’re the only one who truly gets you, BLARING RED FLAG BABY 🚩🚩

♐ Sagittarius Moon

1. People convince you to take risks, knowing you love spontaneity.

2. Manipulators promise big, exciting things but never deliver.

3. Someone might make you feel “boring” or “trapped” if you try to be cautious.

4. Your belief in freedom may be twisted into an excuse for them to avoid responsibility.

5. You might be manipulated into chasing dreams that only benefit them.

🎭 someone constantly asks for your insights, ideas, or perspectives, making you feel valued for your wisdom. but later, they present your knowledge as their own, taking credit while you’re left wondering if you were just being used as a stepping stone.

♑ Capricorn Moon

1. People make you feel like it’s your job to take care of them.

2. Manipulators guilt you into overworking, making you feel like your success depends on them. I’ve noticed that for Capricorn Moons, there is a high possibility that one or both of their parents control and manipulate them.

3. Your fear of failure can be used to pressure you into doing things.

4. You may feel obligated to stay in a situation because you’ve already invested time and effort.

5. Someone might convince you that leaving means you “lack discipline” or are “giving up”.

🎭 picture this: a toxic work environment convinces you that you must overwork yourself because ‘success comes to those who sacrifice’. the people around you reinforce this message, making you feel like it’s normal😔

♒ Aquarius Moon

1. People use your love for unique perspectives to subtly push their own agenda.

2. Someone might make you feel like only they see the world the way you do.

3. Manipulators can twist your desire for freedom into making you avoid real emotional connections.

4. You might be convinced to reject traditional stability, even when it would benefit you.

5. Your rebellious side may be used to push you into unnecessary conflicts.

🎭 its like when a friend convinces you to cut off everyone in your life because “they don’t understand you,” isolating you so you rely only on them 🚩🚩🚩🚩

♓ Pisces Moon

1. People use your empathy to make you feel like you must save them.

2. Someone might make you believe in a dream-like fantasy to keep you attached.

3. Manipulators use sob stories and victimization to guilt you into staying.

4. You may be gaslit into questioning your reality.

5. Someone might use your idealism to get you to ignore practical concerns.

🎭 for example a toxic partner convinces you that enduring suffering together is a “beautiful love story,” making you ignore red flags💀 like boi???

gif & divider credits to the rightful owners

© cazshmere 2024 [All Rights Reserved]

[neeeooon]

heyyy can I request bllk guys with a s/o who's like nagi? like they're lazy, dependent on them like nagi relies on reo etc.

I would prefer if you do the Itoshi's, Reo, Barou, Kunigami and Oliver. Thank you <3

yesss i love nagi idc idc TY FOR THE REQ!!

when you’re lazy

bf bllk x nagi!reader. some are lowk toxic

itoshi sae

-> he is not amused

-> sae’s life is very go, go, go. he has to be active often to keep in shape for his career, and though he typically likes doing that stuff alone, it can be a bit frustrating when you never entertain the idea of joining him

-> “y/n.” “hm?” “have you moved since i left this morning?” “yeah.” “cause i’ve been at practice for fourteen hours, and you’re in the same spot you were when i said goodbye.” “whatever. g’night.”

itoshi rin

-> “you’re being lazy.” “y’know, that google guy said he hires lazy people ‘cause he knows they’ll get the job done faster.” “… you don’t have a job.” “below the belt, itoshi.”

-> despite how much you hate it, you’ll go with him when he invites you to games or spontaneous trips to museums. you might drag your feet after ten minutes, but you keep your complains to a minimum when you’re with rin

-> however, the days where you do nothing but spend time together are your favorite. you don’t need anything but his presence to feel content, lazy or not

mikage reo

-> he spent his whole life getting pampered, so it’s nice taking care of someone else for a change

-> “reo, my legs hurt :(“ “oh? do you need some medicine? here, hop on, i’ll take you to the nurse!” because he has a nurse that lives in his penthouse

-> if he gets upset when you reject his invitations to go on dates outside, he doesn’t show it. “y/n! there’s this really nice restaurant that opened close by. wanna go?” “the pants have already come off, mikage.” “fair. movie night?” “yes!”

barou shouei

-> “you’re going to get sick,” barou sighed when he went to get you for lunch and found you laying in bed, still wet after your shower

-> groaning, you rolled around and let your phone drop from your hand. “i don’t wanna dry my hair.”

-> ten minutes later, you’re sitting on the floor between barou’s legs as he dries your hair, fingers lightly scraping your scalp and making you even sleepier than before

-> “will you promise to at least try and remember to dry your hair next time?” “why would i when you’re so much better at it?” “… damn you.” “:p”

kunigami rensuke

-> fists are firm on his hips as he stands in your bedroom doorway. it’s nearly 2 pm on a saturday, and you’ve yet to leave bed

-> “y/n, it’s time to get up.” “mmm, but it’s a saturday..” “you haven’t moved in five hours!” “don’t wanna—hey!” you groan when he grabs you by the ankles and drags you out of bed. “it’s nice outside! let’s go for a walk.” “you want me dead.”

-> contrary to popular (your) belief, kunigami does not want you dead—he wants you to be active and healthy and not hide in your room all day. “see? isn’t this so much nicer than your bed?” “debatable.” “well, that’s not a no!”

oliver aiku

-> he finds his lazy little partner to be the cutest thing in the world. loves doing things that should embarrass you, like cut your food and feed you in public, carry you around when you don’t want to walk, etc

-> now, just because you’re lazy doesn’t mean you don’t care about your boyfriend. if you see his gaze wandering while he’s with you, you’ll give his ear or hair a tug to remind him you’re still in the picture

-> “just cause i don’t wanna go out doesn’t mean you’re going without me to look at people who aren’t me.” “i would never !!” “🤨” okay, i promise to keep my eyes only on the photo of you in my heart-shaped locket.” “right answer.”

[dreamerimpossible]

How protective would he be?

Warnings: A little toxic

Characters: Mikey, Kazutora, Sanzu, Izana, Ran Haitani, Rindou Haitani, Kisaki, Hanma.

Mikey

9/10

Pretty protective. However, he puts other people to protect you and keep an eye on you. He's usually pretty busy and can't keep an eye on you all the time. Depending on the timeline, there will be one of Mikey's trusted people near you all the time so that absolutely nothing bad happens to you. Mikey might know where you are at all times. So technically you have no secrets or alone time. You're also not allowed to complain or regret.

Kazutora

8/10

He is, but he's impulsive and acts like a madman. He's always by your side, and at the slightest negative response from another person, he'll freak out and fight. He pretty much does this all the time. Eventually he stops being cute and starts being worrisome. But you never say anything to him because he won't fully understand your complaint. Pretty aggressive and temperamental. It gets to a point where no one seems to talk to you for fear of something happening to them. I'll leave it up to you if it's good or bad.

Sanzu

9/10

He'll protect you from everyone but himself. If you tell him someone made you feel bad, he'll shoot and ask questions afterwards. You could even lie to get back at someone; he doesn't care. Seriously, he doesn't care. How would anyone dare to harm something that's Sanzu's, that belongs to him and only him? It would be like disrespecting him and denying his authority. Now, when it comes to him and his toxic behaviors towards you, he won't protect you or realize his mistake. Quite troublesome and stubborn.

Izana

10/10

You're always by his side. It's not like anyone can complain (that includes you). He does whatever he wants. You've never seen him protect you because no one dares to challenge his authority. He expects you to appreciate everything he does for you and see it practically as a necessity for you. He will make everyone in his gang treat you with respect and not overstep their trust with you. When you go home, he will accompany you with Kakucho. Sounds pretty good; the problem is that Izana is demanding.

Ran Haitani and Rindou Haitani

8/10

You are with him and his brother all the time. So the others recognize who you are, and that gives you quite a bit of protection. When you are not with them, they expressly tell you the places you can go and the people you should avoid talking to. They will get angry if you don't listen to them and disobey their demands. Suddenly, they might be too nosy, asking you what you did and where you were. They only want to protect you and control you. But that's okay.

Kisaki

7/10

He is, but don't mess with him. He's a busy man. Don't do anything stupid or get into trouble. He hates to leave things he's doing to save your ass. The most he could do is send someone over if it's not that serious and scold you afterwards. He seems to hate stupid and impulsive behavior, so he'll be very harsh about it. He'll save you whenever you're in danger and all, but seriously, follow his damn rules.

Hanma

10/10

If I'm honest, he has to save you a lot. But not because of you, but because of him. He gets into trouble and drags you into every single one. If you don't like adrenaline and danger, he's not your guy. Also, you have to trust him to get you out of every single trouble he gets you into. Now, if you get into trouble on your own, he'll act a lot harsher on those who hurt you. No one messes with their girl if they can stop them. But frankly, who would dare? Hanma is lethal.

[wordbunch]

a/n: to all my moots and friends, no you didn't see me post this and yes im still your comfort lotr girl!!! to all others, hello & welcome to my newest obsession yes I have been corrupted. ENJOY!!!!

emperor Geta headcanons

warnings: toxic behavior obviously lol, mild nsfw-ish mentions, this man should be taken with caution by all means

this man loves like he was starved and then brought to a feast - he inhales and devours every inch of you, every texture, scent, sound, personality trait, quirk, he will eat you UPPPP in every sense of the word; he wants his senses full of you and he can't ever get enough

he is definitely a very obsessive and possessive person, observant, sharp, witty. also when it comes to prayers and sacrifices, he means business - he dead seriously prayed for a wife who was headstrong, intelligent, passionate and fearless; someone who could match him in every way, whom he could verbally spar with, word for word, but also someone who'd have his back unconditionally as he doesn't really have many people to genuinely rely on. he wanted an equal, and he was also hoping for someone either his age or even a bit older - he was afraid of having a childish partner who wouldn't properly fill in a tremendously important role

he is 110% a switch and it fully depends on what kinda day he'd had and the mood he's in

contrary to many interpretations and rumors, he isn't horny 24/7!!!! like yes he IS insanely attracted to you, but his days can be so impossibly draining and tedious so sometimes he would just rather lie down with you and have you close, than do anything else. also, he doesn't do quickies or anything of the sort; he likes to go all in and take his sweet time with you, or let you have your way with him. he enjoys being dedicated and not distracted in bed with you. all in or nothing for this man. and yes he is vocal.

one thing that makes him feel absolutely AMAZING (and you realized quite quickly thankfully)is when you draw him a bath - yes it must be YOU specifically who does it - and then either give him a shoulder rub or wash his hair, or both. he will become putty in your hands and relax more than he can explain in words. pamperrr him sometimes 🥹😭 he finds it so thoughtful that you do this for him at the end of a taxing day; after all, there is nothing in the world he wouldn't do for you.

speaking of, when Geta notices something is off with you, he won't ask if he can make you happy again somehow, he will ask you to name what you want him to do, and he will do it. you are the only person with that effect on him.

most definitely is turned on by someone who is smart and witty and perceptive. also he has very keen eyes and he can read even your slightest signals, even in a crowded room, especially in a crowded room, and he also appreciates when you can read him without him having to verbalize anything to you

the most Protective Person of all time, God forbid someone looks at you wrong!!!

showers you with gifts

you will LOVE this - he likes when you match in some subtle, or obvious, way, like the same pattern on your robes, the same gems on your jewels, anything that shows off your bond and shows that you belong to him and he belongs to you completely. 🤍

almost weekly he has night terrors and horrible dreams either about his childhood/how they were treated by their father, or about something awful happening to you. you always do your best to comfort him, knowing that you're the only one who can do that and the only one allowed to see him in such a state

so you whisper sweet nothings to him, like promises you would never hurt him in any way and that you will always do your best to protect him and love him

touch starved, touch obsessed, cannot sleep without you in the bed, cannot sleep when you are on a journey somewhere and misses you terribly; can barely wait for you to return and then grip you in his arms and just breathe you in

obsessed with your scent

very often you are his impulse control and you just have the power to center him when he's losing his grip on a situation

he is so used to being in control (or having to be), that he will really spiral when a situation is getting out of hand and he feels not powerful enough to stop or change something. he is really bad at holding it together when shit is going down, and half the time he seems to be two steps away from a breakdown. honestly, sometimes you just have to let him rage, panic, and vent it out in whatever way, and he will come back to himself- and to your embrace-shortly.

he needs your approval and appreciation like air. if you don't think he is doing a good job, if you don't think (and show) he is smart, capable, if he isn't the center of your universe, nothing else matters at all

he will combust if he doesn't have at least a hand on you at all times

sometimes he still can't believe how you love him - people who touch him usually either want something from him, fear him, despise him, or all those - your gentle touch is an unfamiliar, yet welcome sensation; he can't get enough.

let's be real he can get anything he wants from you when he looks at you with those gigantic brown eyes, but somehow he seems unaware of that (and you already give him everything anyway)

if big gatherings and constant celebrations aren your thing, he will not let you out of his sight and, as much as you need him there to comfort you, he needs you on his arm to feel happy, safe and fulfilled. you just complete each other. 💛

as much as he enjoys every single loving nickname you give him, especially if you call him 'your' anything - your love, your darling, your heart, your pride and joy - but even more he will melt if you just call him by his name, as one of the very few (if not only) person who utters it with love, softness, adoration...unlike many who spit it out hatefully like poison

Geta feels veryyyy smug and proud of himself when he does an act of service for you, such as giving you a massage or bringing you a drink - look at him, he gets served things left and right, but he remains SO devoted to you only.

well, was that something? leave it to me to humanize the worst (actually historical) person ever and give him some PROPER FLUFF🫠